The ever complex Rubik's cube of life?

Recently, I caught an obituary announcement on social media. An old working senior had passed on. Even though my interaction with that person was short, it left an unpleasant aftertaste. From his demeanour, I learnt how not to disrespect my subordinates. This person was so vile in his comments during high-level meetings that my boss would ask me or one of my colleagues to accompany him for moral support. His scoldings were so personal that they bordered on testing my department's competence and even intelligence.

Everyone let out an air of relief when he was transferred for a promotion. Why a person of such arrogance should be rewarded was the million-dollar question. But then, we were glad that our problem was somebody else's. That was the last I heard of him until the fateful announcement.

There it was, the photograph of him with a toothful smile on his face, innocence oozing down his face, and religious symbols below it. It was his obituary announcement. Under that, a long list of his friends and relatives left touching comments. The impression that I got was that he must have left such an indelible mark in their lives. Then there were comments about how good a father, an uncle and a resource person he had been.

We tend to forget that doctors, engineers, shopkeepers, labourers, and security guards are not defined by the uniform or outfit they don. Outside their regular working hours, they are expected to assume other roles—a parent, a comedian, a musician, or a marathon runner. They may suck at their daytime job, but that does not render them beyond reprieve. There is an alternate universe for them.

That incident reminded me of the life and times of Babur, the brutal founder of the Mughal dynasty. A great conqueror he was, he never liked India. He thought that Indians were uncultured and their land was unimpressive compared to Afghanistan. He wanted their wealth, though.

In 1530, his Humayun fell hopelessly sick. The royal physicians gave up. Babur summoned the Sufi priests. They suggested that Babur should sacrifice something very dear to him. Somebody suggested that the Kohinoor (or some other precious stones, unclear) be given away. The trouble is the diamond belonged to Humayun, not Babur. So it was not his to give away. Instead, Babur circumambulated Humayun's bed three times, recited a prayer to Allah to take his life in exchange for his son's, cried out and fell sick to die three months later.*

There are these multifaceted views of an individual. What we see are representations of part of the picture.

*https://www.srichinmoylibrary.com/me-8

Sri Chinmoy, The Moghul Emperors, Agni Press, 2001

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A time when stalking was normal...

'96 (Tamil,  2018)

Director: C. Prem Kumar

I remember a time in the 1980s when many Tamil movies had a particular storyline. A boy would fancy a girl, but circumstances would not allow them to fall in love. Most of the time, it would be because of different social and economic statuses, or they could be from feuding families, akin to Romeo and Juliet's story.

The Family would come to know. They would put up blockades, but against all odds, the boy would persist. He would look at his beau from afar, her every move, and she would fall flat for him. She thinks he loves her so much that he finds nothing more worthwhile in life than looking at her 24/7 like a lunatic. In most modern societies, that is called stalking.

In 1983, it was perfectly normal for Sting to watch his gal's every breath and every move. In the 2000s, however, that would warrant a police report and a restraining order.

Somehow, in this 2018 Tamil nostalgic movie, the girl regrets that she missed all the stalkings. She would have married him if only she knew he was there in every important moment of her life, spying on her. How bizarre. I do not think it would work on any millennial or Gen Z anywhere in the world. 

Ram, a travel photographer, takes his students on a field trip. After finishing the trip, he makes an unscheduled stop at the town where he used to stay until the 10th standard. He meets up with the school guard, the same person who used to work 22 years previously. Ram gets the contact of one of his classmates and gets himself included in a private WhatsApp chatgroup. That leads to a reunion.

Everyone is happily married with kids except for Ram. He leads life with a dark cloud shadowing over him. He had soft spots for his classmate, Janu, in 10th Standard. Family financial problems caused Ram's family to move suddenly in the dark of night without bidding her farewell. The crux of the story is about the Ram-Janu love story and to continue from where they left off. The problem is that Janu is also married with a preteen child.

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Always the second fiddle!

Daddio (2024)
Director & Screenplay: Christy Hall

This movie would not have hit my radar if Qantas had not apologised to its passengers on a flight to Tokyo for a mistaken screening. A glitch in the system made only this movie being screened in all in-flight entertainment for a whole hour. Qantas specifically apologised to the children for the mistake. The apology must have been because it must have been boring as hell for them. And also perhaps because of two ‘unholy’ sexting images of an erect phallus and a full display of a pair of mammary glands in their full glory. 

Not that I am complaining. It is a well-made drama that discusses a very mature subject- what either gender expects in a relationship. This conversation occurs during a cab journey from JFK airport to Manhattan between a twice-married cab driver and his passenger, a 30-something confident lady who is a mistress to a married man with kids. That is it. It starts with the lady (Dakota Johnson) entering Sean Penn's yellow taxi and ends when they reach their destination. It is all conversation and text messages. Now we know why Qantas had to apologise to the kids! - for kids telling their parents, “I am bored!" and parents unable to give them an alternative. Returning from her hometown after a visit to her sister's, Dakota is travelling to her apartment. A kind of nosey cab driver, Penn, starts to strike up a conversation with Dakota.  

After a few cursory topics, they open up about each other's private lives. The highlight of their chat is what each other expected or had expected in their lives. Pretty soon both become all so philosophical, especially Penn. At one moment, Dakota was reevaluating her whole imbroglio with a married man and its repercussions. A married man with an affair is in it just for sex. He will never give up his family so that his mistress can have a fairytale-like, happy ending forever and ever. Period. A confident, self-sustaining female may have her dreams and targets in life, but having her lover all to herself will not be successful. She will always have to play second fiddle and the scorned home wrecker. An interesting watch. 4/5.

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The twists of life

Manorathangal (Minescapes, Malayalam; 2024)

An anthology based on stories by MT Vasudevan Nair

After the release of the Hema committee report, the murmur, which started in 2019, is heard once again. More new victims of the Malayalam film industry are voicing their bad experiences out in the open. The report results from the Government's investigations into the alleged rise of sexual misconduct, exploitation and #MeToo complaints against big players of Mollywood.

The report's contents paint badly for the safety and working environment for the fairer sex. The report paints a picture of Mollywood as run by a mafia of senior directors, producers, and male actors who call the shots and decide which actress gets chosen and who gets the boot. To make it to the cast, the new actresses would have to endure much humiliation, denigration, and assault. The report prompted many Malayalam Movie Association chief members to resign to clear their names.

On one hand, civil societies assert that India is still not a safe place for ladies to work. This becomes more relevant now after the gruesome rape and murder of the Calcutta on-call doctor. Others are quick to add all these are not specific to Kerala or India alone. Patriarchy and power play are spread worldwide. Sudden retaliation by the public is politically motivated, ignited by self-interested parties out to create mayhem in India. Now that Malayalam movies are becoming more popular than other regional productions, people are bound to be jealous.

This collection of stories was written by Kerala's most influential storyteller, MT Vasudevan Nair. Most of the narration talks about nostalgia and how the test of time changes one's perception of reality. The picture of truth fed to us as children is a smokescreen. Time and tide change everything; hence, it is no use being haughty about what we have or being frustrated with things we do not.

The nine snippets in this collection are acted by many brilliant who's who in Malayalam cinema—Mohanlal, Mammooty, Siddique, Fahad Fazil, and more. This offering also sees the return of two famous actresses, Madhu and Nadia, after a hiatus. It talks about loneliness in a foreign country, loneliness in marriage, secret lives that adults have, love in the countryside, the hassle of having a family heirloom and how the family members vulture over it, how our values change with time and education and many more.  

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As you see it!

Anatomy of a Fall (Anatomie d'une chute, French; 2023)
Director: Justine Triet

We reassure ourselves by telling lies. We are so cock sure that truth will win. It would somehow emerge from the crack to balance the equilibrium of the Universe. One of the half-truths we convince ourselves is that there is a balance of two opposing but sometimes complementary forces; the good and bad, the truth and the lie, the masculine and feminine forces, chaos and order and so forth. The 'truth' wins every time, we con ourselves.

It is all a perspective of the now and the glaring presence of the evidence of the present. No caped sorcerer will ride the high horse of justice to right the wrong. 

That, in my opinion, is the essence of this story. A husband is found dead in his frosted front yard, presumably after a fall from his balcony three storeys up. He was discovered by his blind son, returning from a walk with his guide dog. The wife was alone in the house with blaring music playing on the speaker. Their relationship had seen better times.

The physical fall brings out the metaphorical fall out of love, the fall of status for the husband, and the possible fall into depression of the husband. 

Initial police investigations suggest it could be a suicide, but a recording of the couple's conversation throws a spanner into the works. The wife, an established author, is arrested as the possible suspect of the murderer of her husband. 

The court trials tease out the family dynamics. What starts as the couple falling in love, having a child, and juggling their careers turns murky. In an accident possibly caused by the husband's lackadaisical delay, the son is caught in an accident that causes him to lose his eyesight. The guilt-stricken writer-husband, compounded by the mother's veiled accusations, becomes a wreck. His writing juices dry up, and love falls off the cliff.

The wife is questioned as a possible perpetrator of the crime or maybe accidental death on a possible domestic tussle. Her previous blemishes are exposed. The animosity that arose as she prospered as a prolific writer at the expense of her husband's creative impotence is laid bare. 

The son takes the heaviest brunt of it all. His testimony at the stand may determine how the case turns out for the mother. He is unsure how to look at all of the events. Did his father kill himself? Did his mother kill his husband? These conundrums seem to put a lot of burden on the shoulders of a young early teenager. Everything is confusing. He is pressured to do the right thing, but what is right anymore? 

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What is love, anyway?

One Day (2024)
Miniseries E1-14.

“Hey, why are you watching this,” asked my daughter. “This is for youngsters like me.”

“I know. I just wanted to know how things have changed since the last time I heard about that good-natured four-letter word called love.” I replied. 

Just what is this thing called love? Is it a contract as flimsy as one drawn on water or a covenant written in stars that only the might of Time can erase? When one confesses or as much as loves someone with his heart and soul, what do we really mean? Is it a promise to preserve my seeds for the continuity of progeny? Is the place for love in the heart or mind too small to be shared by others? 

Suppose there are other variants of love, i.e. brotherly love, patriotism (love for the nation), gluttony (love for food), various fetishes (model planes, stamps, cars, etc.), and filial piety. Why can’t there be platonic love between a male or female (or preferred gender)? Is the concept of ‘friends-with-benefits’ even acceptable? Is sex so sacrosanct that it can only be sanctioned by the forces of Nature that make the Universe exist, or is it a merely biological process to ensure the continuity of species?

Does society want to put a name on the people who have to carry the burden (responsibility) of upbringing the product of a conjugal union? Even the Universe is playing Devil’s Advocate by putting pleasure in the place meant for work, i.e. continuity of species!

Based on a novel by David Nicholls from 2009, it was made into a feature film in 2011, starring Anne Hathaway in the lead role. Netflix made a limited series of the story, garnering critical acclaim. Set in the UK, pandering to the demand of the time, a brown actress is cast in the lead role. 

A misfit pair gets together at a graduation night party at the University of Edinburgh. Even though every graduate wants to bed somebody to make the night a night to remember, Emma, from the middle class, and Dexter, from the privileged class, just end up chatting the night away, talking about their future plans and such. 

They part ways the morning after but promise to stay in touch. They meet each other periodically. The show shows the ups and downs that they go through over the years. Each episode starts on the 15th of July every year, starting with the graduation ball that day in 1988. Over the years, their lives tangents off away from each other, finding their mojos, threading the good times and bad. They keep in touch, nevertheless. Their fondness for each other remains. Something that had been platonic had turned romantic. The question is, when? Did it happen in Edinburgh? Was it the culmination of the experiences taught at the School of Hard Knocks? 

Which is the hay that broke the camel’s back? When does love happen? Can we love more than one at a time? Is it a one-or-none law? Is it a promissory note to limit conjugal liaisons to avoid unnecessary baggage thereof?  

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Till death do us part?

Over the past few years, a couple of my childhood friends had the misfortune of having lost their spouses to cancer. One of them fought the deadly disease tooth and nail, but unfortunately, after three long years, the disease got the better of her. He lost the good fight. My devastated friend went awol for an entire year, deciding that solitaire was the best remedy for a broken heart. The societal expectation for the grieved to open up his emotions and replay them like a broken record was not for him. 

One year after her demise, at 60, he introduced his new other half to the world. Conversations and felicitations on his plunge revealed that it was a necessary indulgence for him. Even though his children were married and he was a grandfather three times over, he felt the need for intimate touch and passion. He is a happy man. The memory of his old wife is very much alive, and he will cherish them till the end of time.

Another friend with a couple of late teenage, young adult daughters, lost his wife after a long tiring battle with ovarian malignancy. Still reeling from the loss, he was still not out of the woods yet when I spoke to him six months after her demise. He still felt her presence around the house, and his mind kept playing, reminiscing the good times, playing back obscure events in their wedded bliss to miss her more. 

I slowly introduced the idea of finding a replacement to fill the void; he asserted that he was pretty sure. At that juncture, he only wanted to spend the rest of his years living in dear memory of his duly departed. He feels complete without a need to build a new one. 

Out of curiosity, I enquired from another dear childhood buddy whose wife is hearty, healthy, and kicking. Heaven forbids, if his partner were to die, what would he do? Is remarriage on the plate? Without batting an eyelid, he said he would envisage himself taking a new partner. It is not as much for physical gratification but for social interaction and communication. He felt that was necessary for healthy mental health. 

Yet, when posed with a similar question, another pessimistic realist friend viewed his one stint in matrimony as enough to last his whole lifetime. Gone are the days when intimacy and husband-wife interaction played a pivotal role in his daily life. He had started enjoying the company of he and himself, exploring new frontiers to expand his knowledge and experience. He guesses that his wife is in the same boat, too. Over the years, embroiled in the hard knocks of life, they grew apart, from being co-dependent to interdependent to independent, sometimes contradictory just for the kick of it, able to stand alone to face the music. 

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Who is a good man?

The Affair (Miniseries); 2014-19.
Season 1-5 (53 episodes)

Some men justify their polyamorous activities by saying that it is the norm. They assert that monogamy is an artificial construct that society conjures to determine ownership, responsibility and financial commitments in exchange for pleasures and the encumbrances emanating.

Society has constructed a cookbook recipe of how society should be lived - a monogamous one, sex within the confines of marriage and condemnation of fornication.

In defence, Casanovas insist their actions be in sync with the demands of Nature. The male seedlings are produced in abundance with the sole purpose of choosing the best of the offspring. Hence, they are just helping Nature sow their seed far and wide, aiding the production of the best species to flourish. There must be a reason why oestrus cycles are glaringly absent in our species. With such effective health awareness, screening, treatment and contraception at their disposal, they look at unplanned, unwanted outcomes as the risks of doing business. Anyway, societies have ways to ensure any baby is cared for, and there are many ways to sort out problems that arise.

But they all forget the psychological component associated with this seemingly transactional union. What started as a thrill to venture into tasting the forbidden fruit will turn into a compulsion and addiction and a habit hard to break. It soon becomes an indulgence that demands time, money and sacrifices. The forbidden fruit has its way of tying one down.

God forbid, by omission or commission, the union would bear fruit or the emotional entanglements that can go as far as bringing down kingdoms. It is said that there is always behind any man's success and the corresponding 'other' woman behind his fall. An affair is usually found there rearing its head!

As the miniseries went over 50 hours of storyline, it had to cover a plethora of topics, including friendship, infidelity, the challenging world of parenting and teaching, gender dysphoria, the diabolical difference in the education systems between the East and West coasts of the USA and more. The unnecessary exposure of flesh and bed scenes is slotted between scenes to pique viewers' interests.

Another novel theory suggested in the storyline is about transgenerational trauma. All the characters in the drama are miserable. They either made wrong life choices or had such low self-restraint that they repeatedly found themselves in trouble. Instead of taking the blame for all their follies, they take the path where they can blame their genes. Apparently, because of the trauma inflicted upon them by their parents or life itself, these epigenetic factors somehow altered their genetic material to make them feel miserable and indulge in destructive habits and even suicide.

Using the metaphor of the California forest fires where people were told to move to escape to safety, the story tells us we all have to move. Do we have to move in order to live, from affairs to affairs, to have a full life?

P.S. There used to be a senior colleague who was forever with the different drop-dead gorgeous women. He was brazen about his whole affairs, displaying his 'trophy collection' in full view of colleagues, friends and relatives without considering its consequences. 

Puritans would look with an air of disapproval behind him, of course, admonishing his theatrics, what's more with a pubescent kid at home. Secretly, many of them would cringe in agony thinking, if only they had the testicular fortitude to do the same without giving a minute's thought to others' thoughts of the whole exercise. But then, the meekness in them makes them all shrivel up.  

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