Learn to agree to disagree!

President Thomas Jefferson, left, and his predecessor,
President John Adams. (Feuding Fathers)
Getty Images

At this time of one's life (stepping into the seventh decade of existence), one often wonders about all the people who made their appearances all along my life. Some of theirs were short and sweet. Some left with a sour aftertaste. Some got lost in the annals of times. Occasionally, I had people who took everything wrongly and left anything but amicably. One did not like the sight of me and had nothing nice to say about me. Well, what can I say but that the feeling was mutual.

Recently, I read about the friendship between the two Founding Fathers of the United States of America. They were not really best friends. They had a big job to do for a greater cause. They looked at things from different perspectives; both felt compelled to defend their conviction until the end. Towards that end, they argued ferociously and wrote stinging letters to each other but all the time, acquiring brickbats and respect simultaneously.

After the British were sent packing from the 13 colonies of the New World, the new nation had to decide how to run its country. Would they want tight central control like the British had before Independence? They realised every colony had its own need, and to have one vision for the whole nation would be disastrous. It was like the British all over again. The other side was modelling a country with Republic principles after Rome.

The Independence Declaration was no divine decree. For a long time, the founding could not agree upon its execution. Adams believed in a strong central government, whereas Jefferson championed states' rights. They competed against each other for Presidentship after Washington refused to hold the post for a third term. Adams became the second President of the USA. He offered Jefferson the post of Vice President, but Jefferson declined. The subsequent election was won by Jefferson, leaving Adams bitter.

The duo refused to communicate with each other for 12 years till a fellow Declaration signer, Benjamin Rush, made them write to each other. They vehemently argued the merits of their convictions via more than the 185 letters that they wrote to each other. Each did not want the other to outdo them. Coincidentally, they died four hours apart on July 4th, Independence Day. A sweet end to two men who gave much of their lives to the foundation of America.

Closer to home, I recall another intense discussion panel that my friends and I used to attend. It was an adrenaline-rushing, temper-flaring, emotionally charging discussion on life and its meaning. We learned many things from each other that no teacher or school could teach. All that came to zilch because of some other unrelated miscommunication. Now, we are all left groping in the dark again, finding our own answers alone through our own follies.

Rashomon: The Truth Is Often Mutable And Ambivalent

We should learn that opinions vary. We should learn to agree to disagree. The truth is an elusive shadowplay. As Rashomon tells us, the truth has many forms. All can be right.

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What is love, anyway?

One Day (2024)
Miniseries E1-14.

“Hey, why are you watching this,” asked my daughter. “This is for youngsters like me.”

“I know. I just wanted to know how things have changed since the last time I heard about that good-natured four-letter word called love.” I replied. 

Just what is this thing called love? Is it a contract as flimsy as one drawn on water or a covenant written in stars that only the might of Time can erase? When one confesses or as much as loves someone with his heart and soul, what do we really mean? Is it a promise to preserve my seeds for the continuity of progeny? Is the place for love in the heart or mind too small to be shared by others? 

Suppose there are other variants of love, i.e. brotherly love, patriotism (love for the nation), gluttony (love for food), various fetishes (model planes, stamps, cars, etc.), and filial piety. Why can’t there be platonic love between a male or female (or preferred gender)? Is the concept of ‘friends-with-benefits’ even acceptable? Is sex so sacrosanct that it can only be sanctioned by the forces of Nature that make the Universe exist, or is it a merely biological process to ensure the continuity of species?

Does society want to put a name on the people who have to carry the burden (responsibility) of upbringing the product of a conjugal union? Even the Universe is playing Devil’s Advocate by putting pleasure in the place meant for work, i.e. continuity of species!

Based on a novel by David Nicholls from 2009, it was made into a feature film in 2011, starring Anne Hathaway in the lead role. Netflix made a limited series of the story, garnering critical acclaim. Set in the UK, pandering to the demand of the time, a brown actress is cast in the lead role. 

A misfit pair gets together at a graduation night party at the University of Edinburgh. Even though every graduate wants to bed somebody to make the night a night to remember, Emma, from the middle class, and Dexter, from the privileged class, just end up chatting the night away, talking about their future plans and such. 

They part ways the morning after but promise to stay in touch. They meet each other periodically. The show shows the ups and downs that they go through over the years. Each episode starts on the 15th of July every year, starting with the graduation ball that day in 1988. Over the years, their lives tangents off away from each other, finding their mojos, threading the good times and bad. They keep in touch, nevertheless. Their fondness for each other remains. Something that had been platonic had turned romantic. The question is, when? Did it happen in Edinburgh? Was it the culmination of the experiences taught at the School of Hard Knocks? 

Which is the hay that broke the camel’s back? When does love happen? Can we love more than one at a time? Is it a one-or-none law? Is it a promissory note to limit conjugal liaisons to avoid unnecessary baggage thereof?  

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What's next?

With the single click of the cleat, I knew we had taken our relationship to the next level. After a year of trying to tame the shrew, I had taken a plunge deep in the unknown, rightly or foolishly, smitten by the latest craze around town. Drawn into the quicksand of recreational road cycling by a group of mad friends, who, as if by fate, happened to live just a few doors from each other, it has been quite a journey thus far. 

Getting up as early as 4.30am on almost every Sunday to cycle in the misty countryside of Hulu Langat and Genting Peras is not 'ride in the park'. It also took the group traversing the 633km track in the heart of the Korean peninsula. And not to forget the handful of cycling competitions in Penang, Cameron Highlands, Putrajaya and Lekas Highway.

I guess I must have listened to my mother when she used to say, "Choose your friends wisely!" But then, she also said that not everyone who is clad in saree is a lady. I wonder what she really meant by that. Did she mean that sarees are worn by all strata of society, from a world leader right down to a sex worker, hence not to judge a book by its cover? Or perhaps, she was referring to cross-dressers!

After more than a year of settling in (or rather saddling on) my Gusto road bike, I thought I could only call myself a cyclist (versus one who cycles) if I invested in a set of clipless pedals. After a few bumbling acts and faux pas, looks like I kind of got the hang of things (I think).

What better way to put the knowledge to the test than embarking on a journey along what has been described as the ultimate challenge to the cyclists around here - Broga Jantan Loop. Even though the name seems to exude the toxicity of the masculine type, it is just a description of machoism. Many a female cyclist regularly scale through this route seamlessly. So, on July 26, 2020, my cyclist group took the 115km challenge and succeeded.

• 
• Now that we have done this and that, I wonder what is next in the pipeline. For the next year or so, organising an overseas cycling expedition seems unlikely, looking the wave of the pandemic that has engulfed the globe. This must surely be the best time to arrange a 'Cuti-Cuti Malaysia'.

Pusan, South Korea, 2019

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Somebody to ape?

Friends (1994-2004; Season 1-10)

People need role models to guide them through the uncertainties of life. Every living day is a new experience. Hence, newbies who step into different stages of their lives necessitate the presence of someone with authority to emulate. Parents and teachers are sparse representations of adulthood. Their paths are dull, unexciting and merely outdated. Juniors need to follow routes that are 'compelling' and approved by their contemporaries. They aspire for someone or some icon to tell them what normality is.

For teenagers who peeled their inner eyes of awareness at the turn of the century, the Gen-Y's, the TV rom-com 'Friends' could have influenced their perception of what relationship is all about. 

Come to think of it, a generation before them formed their opinions on more significant life issues from Oprah. Oprah Winfrey set the standards on women empowerment, relationship issues, and accepting body image issues. It was as though the whole world had one set of values and it was dictated by the divas in the superficially glamorous city of Tinseltown.

The Gen-Ys (a.k.a. Millennials, born 1981-96), the middle-class English speaking urbanites, moulded their lives around the characters of 'Friends'. It was the norm to have close friends of either gender who may be intimate friends of any kind, with no holds barred, including those considered taboo by the generation before them to go to in time of crises. The social and cultural norms deemed 'normal' are as determined by their favourite characters or collectively by the cast of 'Friends'.

For those who have been living in hibernation, the sit-com 'Friends' is about a group of six friends, two apartments and a coffee shop that they hang out as well as the people as they meet in their lives. They were in their 20s when they started the show. Ross and Monica are siblings. Chandler attended the same high school as Ross. Rachel was Monica's high school mate while Joey joined the group when he became Chandler's roommate. The sixth member of the group is Phoebe, the free-spirited 'hippie', who once lived off the streets and now works as a masseuse. 

Ross is a palaeontologist in a museum. Chandler is a statistic analyst while Joey is a struggling actor. Monica is trying to make it big as a chef. Rachel started as a waitress at the cafe they hang out, Central Perk, but later found a job in the fashion industry.

The earlier seasons were refreshing, but as more episodes get churned, one cannot help but notice that the scriptwriters were running out of ideas. I guess one cannot ask too many questions like how some cash-strapped struggling young adult could afford to live in Manhattan and spent most days chilling at their favourite cafeteria. And why a palaeontologist and an academic would find the company of blue-collar workers more appealing. As their funny bone shrunk, their canned laughter seemed to reach higher decibels, and their threshold for laughter fell to almost zero. The writers dragged airtime by creating lazy jokes with sexual innuendos and sometimes in-your-face tasteless language labelled as a comedy. Another time-buying manoeuvring was replaying clip shows and operating on sentiments of nostalgia. The show failed to show a growing maturity in the characters. They seem to be excited by the same jokes all throughout the seasons.

It is ridiculous when in one season Joey and Rachel are lovestruck and the next, they are finding dates and discussing ways to bed their respective dates. Sure, it is all supposed to be taken lightly, it is after all showbiz, I find it comical when a couple who has fallen out of love with each other can look at each other in the face like nothing happened. And live in the same apartment, on top of that! Or is that modern love or something called moving on?

After being in the limelight for ten seasons, the producers finally pulled the plug on the show after episode #236, leaving a string of broken hearts and rudderless souls. They await a reunion of the cast in a single unscripted comeback show which was supposed to out in March 2020 but postponed due to COVID-19.


It is not for me to say, but maybe it is for social scientists to explore. The male characters are not given prominence in the series, much like many of the shows that are churned out from Hollywood. The male personas appear the not so intelligent ones, jokers, laid back, indecisive and be wrapped around the fingers of their female counterparts. It would be interesting to see how social dynamics in other parts of the world get moulded by the American Dream and the American perspective of women empowerment. It is good to know just how much the teaching of the art of flirting and promiscuous lifestyle that is sold to the general public actually modify our social mores?

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Bare necessities that we need!

S2B: Seoul to Busan
It is not a race. Ep #1
Meet the P-stars. Ep #2
Fighting the demons! Ep #3

Episode 4: Bare necessities that we need!

It has become a weekend routine to go grinding and spinning around the treacherous hills of Peres, off Hulu Langat, on our vehicles to build up stamina and to prepare ourselves to what may lay ahead in unexplored Land of the Kimchi. The sight of us, five or sometimes six, saddled with our panniers sticking out erect from our rears (of the bicycles) must have stirred the curiosities of many fellow cyclists. 

During one of these outings, a few curious bicyclists inquired about our set-up, accessories and all. 

When we told them of our intentions of touring South Korea on bikes and what they saw were what we were carrying all along our week-long trip, they were understandably astonished. With the usual travellers who try to bargain through the airline staff with their excess baggage, here we were squeezing one week’s requirements into a pannier. 

Only then did it strike me of the number of unnecessary things that we go on accumulating in our lives. We build false attachments and create excessive dependence on unnecessary items that are not essential for our existence. 

A few years ago, a husband-wife friend of mine got into an existential crisis. Going headlong into their newfound passion, they decided to paddle all the way from Kuala Lumpur through Thailand, Cambodia, China, Korea and finally ended their journey at the tip of Hokkaido Island. Relating their experiences later, their one take-home message was ‘we carry redundant baggage that we refuse to unload’. I think they were speaking not literally but at a metaphysical level. This they realised after unloading much of their belongings halfway through their journey when they met a friend who was returning home. 

So next week, on our maiden international trip, we would be leading an Epicurean life. Living simply close to the elements of nature - sun, wind, trees, birds and bees. “Give me water, give me water; I will be a happy man,” says the Epicurean. We will have to make do with the contents of our backpack. 

T -junction to Peres

Like Bablu, the bear in Jungle Book, we are expected to live with the bare necessities, be content with simple pleasures in life, forget the worries and strife and wander around with the company of friends. Was it not also Epicurus who observed friendship at where human nature was sweetest? He considered fellowship essential for a happy life. Unlike love and romance, it ‘goes dancing around the world, announcing to all of us to wake to happiness’. 

'Hakuna Matata' say Timon and Pumba. But then, familiarity also builds contempt. 

And cannot be seen around like vagabond without papers, cash and credit card. Do not leave home without it!

(T-7) 

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Fighting the demons!

S2B: Seoul to Busan
It is not a race. Ep #1
Meet the P-stars. Ep #2

Episode #3: Fighting the demons!

It seems that humans start off life being fascinated with Nature - toddlers like to get their hands dirty with grime, dirt and soil, and as they grow older, they find union with Nature too. Is this a reminder that we are one with Nature or a hint of the adage 'ashes to ashes, dirt to dirt'!

What started as a weekend outing to Penang to partake a cycling race evolved to something that brought out the memories of the bygone care-free days of our youth. And we were itching for more. The agony of the heat, the sweat, the discomfort, the aches of sore muscles, the tan and the potential fall of the perch were no match for the post-race euphoria of accomplishment and the immersion in the high of endorphins.

Our resident techie, during one of his moment of bore, googled of a secluded highway in South Korea dedicated just for cyclists. It boasts of a 633 km picturesque trail along four main rivers on the Korean peninsula from Seoul to Busan. What started as a river beautification and flood mitigation effort soon became a tourist spot drawing cycling enthusiasts the world over to Korea.

couchonwheels.blogspot.com

Without a second thought, everyone in unison agreed to the idea of making a trip, and before long everyone was looking at the expiry dates on their passports, their work schedules and going online to book their tickets.

Then came the tricky part, the training. Leave it to Coach to prepare the pit to skewer the meat. We, the weekend warriors, in spite of the busy schedules, took the slightest excuse to grind and spin along the periphery highways of Selangor and Negeri Sembilan. Places like Chanang, Titi, Puom, Pares and Bukit Antu which sounded alien to us before became our backyard.

Leave it to cyberspace to supply us loads of information about the going-on and the going-about of the trip. Unfortunately, many of the information with regards to the Four River Trail was in the Korean language. Further exploration revealed a Facebook page explaining cyclists' experiences on their trips in the trail. 

Nietzche reminded us not to be complacent when the going is good or conversely if the going is beyond hopeless. Either way, things would only turn around. Our training was marred with one of our rider having a temporary lapse in concentration that sent him skidding off a corner and his bicycle landing in a six feet deep ditch. Luckily, he flew off his vehicle just to sit nicely on the shoulder of the drain, shaken and stirred. His heroics stunts earned a broken clavicle which was quickly fixed and is on the road to recovery. Other small instances, like a snapped chain and faulty bicycle valve, gave the gang invaluable lessons in crisis management.

Necessity, mother of all inventions!

We have resolved not to let these temporary setbacks dampen the spirit. As they say, it is not the destination that matters, it is the journey that gives the most joy.

Courtesy of FB page - SBB Seoul, Busan and Beyond

(T - 15)

(Next: The Drama, The Uncertainties)

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Meet the P-stars

S2B: Seoul to Busan
It is not a race. Ep #1
Episode #2: Meet the P-stars.

It is time to see our pedalling stars. Officially there will be seven cyclists. The seventh participant will be joining us from Australia. A young punk teeming with adrenaline and power, he is Coach's son and is doing his secret training to 'keep up' with the oldies.

Coach

@Coach
Spending half of his adult life on the hockey fields, he continued to keep himself fit even after hanging his boots. After his retirement from work, rather than lazing around counting his end of days, he found pleasure in the outdoors.
He remains the driving force in pushing us to explore our true grit. Like Jesus Christ, he goes around recruiting same-minded people who are willing to fight a good fight against surrendering to effects of ageing. 

Wayang

@Wayang
He is the second most seasoned rider in the group. He is nicknamed 'Wayang' (Theatrics) not because he is showy but precisely the opposite reason. He would often start his day lamenting how exhausted he is and how he did no manage a single wink the night before. At the end of the ride, he will be speeding past everybody else.
Always a 'Pekeliling flat' at heart, he enjoys the simple pleasures of life. Not forgetting his roots, he still carries the hidden mojo that sees him through any challenge.  

Tabib

@Tabib
Another dark horse in the group is Tabib. Named so because of his profession, (Arabic for healer), he has been secretly training on his own after an unforgettable, sweat-drenching, heart-pouncing outing with the group months earlier. He came out strong like Rocky after months of hibernation. Like a majestic swan, the little ugly duckling had transformed slim and durable. No hills remained unconquerable for this former state hockey player. Cycling clears his mind to think of the next topic to discuss in his next radio show.

@Rabbit
Known for his speed, he is aptly named rabbit. A perfectionist, a stickler to time and a master planner, he worries about everything that may happen and may not. Being higher achiever, after successfully completing a full marathon, the only natural thing to do is to cycle and swim. Come April 2020, he will be a triathlete. Going through an existential crisis, he is still wondering why he is cycling and from what he is running from!

@Bionic Man
The hockey stick would have been another appendage on his body in his teenage and early adulthood. His constant roasting and sweating it out in the hockey field earned his appearance at the national level. That also made his whole body re-aligned and his knees traumatised so severely that it had to replaced at a relatively young age. He did not reach the pinnacle of his achievements lying down. Hence, with the same determination, he laboured through the pains of bilateral knee replacement and the subsequent gruelling physiotherapy. His never-say-die attitude has now brought him up hiking mountains and cycling along interstate highways.

@Chennai Express
This Johnny-come-lately is the latest addition to the gang. Not being of the athletic type, he contended himself jogging around the housing estate. The fear of contracting diabetes, which ran deep in his family history made him run farther. Like Forrest Grump, he kept on running and now cycling, giving much palpitations to the family instead. Nicknamed Chennai Express for his occasional burst of energy that eventually fizzles out much like an express train that starts out with much pomp and splendour but reaches its destination late as usual!

Rabbit

Bionic Man

Chennai Express

(T - 32)
[Next: The Storyline]

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