Irugapatru (Tamil, இருகப்பற்று, Hold on Tight; 2023)
Written, Directed: Yuvaraj Dhayalan
I saw the bride's mother. She seems so happy seeing her firstborn all dolled up in her matrimonial regalia, walking up the aisle to exchange vows. With all her worry lines nicely masked beneath the layer of makeup, I could have forgotten all the trials and tribulations she went through throughout her marriage. Though hers was a love marriage, the reality of life soon set in after the honeymoon period was over. Her husband was apparently neither ready to cut ties with old girlfriends nor cut the proverbial umbilical cut from his mother's womb. Her tussle with her husband trying to squeeze love and money was an eternal challenge throughout her marriage. Like squeezing water from a stone, despite its challenges, she managed. Proof of her success is her three daughters and their successful careers. The husband is still very much in the picture, painting a perfect portrait of a happy family.
Now that the daughter is getting married, I wonder if she will take all the challenges that life hurls upon her as her mother once did. Knowing that 50% of all marriages end in separation, my guess on the path that hers would take is like predicting the possible sex of a child at birth, 50-50.
Of course, the access to avenues for rights now is different than thirty years ago. The institution of marriage no longer garners the august status that it once did. Economic opportunities are no longer centred on one gender. The concept of an extended family caring for another member is slowly dying. Society's perception of what constitutes a happy family is changing. In the eyes of the younger generation, the image of a happy family is not merely one that includes a father, mother, children, and a pet or two. The Venn diagram representation of a family has so many circles, each representing family members (or a single member), and the intersections are so numerous.
With the increased responsibilities the female members of society have to carry and the many hats they have to don these days, it is impossible to just push them to the backburners, stay invisible and be labelled 'just a housewife'. They are now more educated, more exposed and more empowered. They have a voice. Society is no longer patriarchal. The fairer sex demands equal standing. Even referring to them as the fairer one is not acceptable.
Glitches happen when a middle ground is not found to allow both parties to prosper and prove their birth's worth.
This film goes through the marriages of three couples through the eyes of a psychologist/marriage counsellor. The irony is that one of the couples is the counsellor and her husband.
In the first story, a chronically irritable husband is frustrated with everyone around him. He is working at a job he dislikes. He does it to pay his bills. He had been prodded to do this and that throughout his life, giving his desires a backseat. His homemaker wife, who had just delivered a couple of months previously, is fat. He cannot believe it is the same girl he was match-made to marry. And she seems too lazy to do something about it. He wants a divorce.
In the second instance, a magazine writer gets increasingly irritated with his wife. He thinks she is dumb when, in reality, she is not. His constant berating draws her into her cocoon. He wants a baby. She wants to work where she finds appreciation. The couple cannot imagine the other as the same person; they were deeply in love before marriage. She wants out.
The counsellor thinks she has everything under wraps and suggests ways to save her clients' marriages. She thinks her marriage is sailing smoothly. She was trying out a new app that told novel methods to grab the partner's heart. When her husband discovers he is a dancing monkey in her social experiment, he flips. Her previously understanding and dream husband starts giving her cold treatment.
The message behind this film is that there is no single quick-fix way to make a marriage work. It takes a lot of hard work. Neither party should take the other for granted. The modern institution of marriage has two co-pilots equally responsible for taking the boat ashore, bringing its cargo safely and ensuring safe disembarkation of goods and passengers.
