Not easy to be light!

The Unbearable Lightness of Being 1988
Director: Philip Kaufman

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This film, with such a provocative title, is based on a novel by Milan Kundera published in 1984. It takes place during the Prague Spring of 1968. Against the backdrop of political upheaval in Poland, the narrative explores what it means to be liberated from political oppression as well as the pursuit of sexual freedom.

The phrase 'being light' probably has its roots in the New Testament, "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30). It is said that keeping up the strict law of the Pharisees was difficult, so the followers were told to leave their burden to Jesus. So, to be light is to be free.

Freedom comes with its burdens. It is an essential privilege that humans strive for. Its significance cannot be overstated for the modern individual who values self-expression and individualism. Achieving complete freedom without the burden of control can be challenging. Although all forms of governance appear promising at their inception, they ultimately falter miserably. The concept of an authoritarian leader supposedly ordained by God only functions well as long as circumstances are favourable. In the face of calamity, people would seize their pitchforks and sickles to demand equality. The equal distribution and Kafkaesque rule ultimately turn on themselves. Just when one believes that capital would save the day, it reveals its inherent predatory nature, fuelled by human greed. 

Through much trial and error, society has established rules for how individuals engage in communal living. Many of these regulations lack a scientific foundation and are established solely by consensus, with sexual engagement being one such example. 

Although people may disagree with this arrangement, they generally adhere to it. Nonetheless, they long to defy the law. 

This film endeavours to illustrate the merits and drawbacks of both arrangements, namely, a more unrestricted form of governance and an open relationship where loyalty to one partner is not essential. It recounts the transformative times of 1968 Prague when a dynamic new leader assumed control. His notions of press freedom and literary liberty clash with their Russian superiors, who rolled their tanks into Prague. Against this backdrop is a free-spirited young surgeon whose perspective on sex is libertarian, bordering on promiscuity. The doctor eschews monogamy. While in a relationship, he meets and marries another woman. He maintains his affair with his girlfriend while she is in another relationship. The doctor and his girlfriend pursue different life paths due to the events in Prague. By the end of the journey, we are left with the impression that adhering to a conventional and familiar path may lead to a more fulfilling outcome.

At times, we project an image of 'being light', appearing easy or free (light), to convince ourselves that we are fine. 'The burden of being light' refers to the paradoxical feeling of being weighed down by the pressure to appear carefree, effortless, or joyful, even when facing personal struggles or difficulties. It embodies the stress of continuously presenting a lighthearted façade while concealing the heavier emotions beneath. 'Light' typically signifies ease and freedom, whereas 'burden' suggests heaviness and stress, creating a paradoxical image. Social media influencers, multi-level marketing entrepreneurs, individuals in leadership roles, and those who are inherently optimistic experience the pressure of constantly uplifting others, even when they themselves require support. The incessant need to appear light can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even depression if one feels unable to express their true emotions. The necessity to feign freedom is challenging. Sometimes, it is easier to be like sheep and follow the breadcrumbs left by those who have walked the same path.

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This is not a love story!

The End of An Affair (1999)

It is not so much about an affair but rather about believing in God. This 1999 version is a remake of the 1955 version starring Deborah Kerr and Van Johnson; based on a bestseller of 1951 novel by Graham Greene. 

Set in WW2 London, a writer starts a steamy affair with the wife of a bored civil servant. Their affair comes to an abrupt end when the room they occupy is shelled. The wife ends the affair for no reason, in the writer's eyes. The writer goes off to war and returns a year later when the war is over.

The writer meets the civil servant husband, who is in a dilemma. He suspects that his wife is cheating on him. He is in two minds trying to hire a private investigator to snoop on his wife. The writer sees the  PI on his behalf. Actually, the writer is also curious about the new lover.

A bumbling PI comes to the scene. He mistakenly assumes that the wife's meeting with a priest is a romantic meeting. Next, the writer's catchup with the wife is thought to be a lover's rendezvous. He also flicked her diary for the writer's reference. That finally explains the whole turn of events between the writer and the wife and why they went their separate ways. 

From then on, it all talks about God, divinity, death and funeral. The wife is diagnosed with a terminal illness. The writer and the husband co-share her terminal care. The priest, who tries to give his input for the soul, is just shut off. 

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Who is a good man?

The Affair (Miniseries); 2014-19.
Season 1-5 (53 episodes)

Some men justify their polyamorous activities by saying that it is the norm. They assert that monogamy is an artificial construct that society conjures to determine ownership, responsibility and financial commitments in exchange for pleasures and the encumbrances emanating.

Society has constructed a cookbook recipe of how society should be lived - a monogamous one, sex within the confines of marriage and condemnation of fornication.

In defence, Casanovas insist their actions be in sync with the demands of Nature. The male seedlings are produced in abundance with the sole purpose of choosing the best of the offspring. Hence, they are just helping Nature sow their seed far and wide, aiding the production of the best species to flourish. There must be a reason why oestrus cycles are glaringly absent in our species. With such effective health awareness, screening, treatment and contraception at their disposal, they look at unplanned, unwanted outcomes as the risks of doing business. Anyway, societies have ways to ensure any baby is cared for, and there are many ways to sort out problems that arise.

But they all forget the psychological component associated with this seemingly transactional union. What started as a thrill to venture into tasting the forbidden fruit will turn into a compulsion and addiction and a habit hard to break. It soon becomes an indulgence that demands time, money and sacrifices. The forbidden fruit has its way of tying one down.

God forbid, by omission or commission, the union would bear fruit or the emotional entanglements that can go as far as bringing down kingdoms. It is said that there is always behind any man's success and the corresponding 'other' woman behind his fall. An affair is usually found there rearing its head!

As the miniseries went over 50 hours of storyline, it had to cover a plethora of topics, including friendship, infidelity, the challenging world of parenting and teaching, gender dysphoria, the diabolical difference in the education systems between the East and West coasts of the USA and more. The unnecessary exposure of flesh and bed scenes is slotted between scenes to pique viewers' interests.

Another novel theory suggested in the storyline is about transgenerational trauma. All the characters in the drama are miserable. They either made wrong life choices or had such low self-restraint that they repeatedly found themselves in trouble. Instead of taking the blame for all their follies, they take the path where they can blame their genes. Apparently, because of the trauma inflicted upon them by their parents or life itself, these epigenetic factors somehow altered their genetic material to make them feel miserable and indulge in destructive habits and even suicide.

Using the metaphor of the California forest fires where people were told to move to escape to safety, the story tells us we all have to move. Do we have to move in order to live, from affairs to affairs, to have a full life?

P.S. There used to be a senior colleague who was forever with the different drop-dead gorgeous women. He was brazen about his whole affairs, displaying his 'trophy collection' in full view of colleagues, friends and relatives without considering its consequences. 

Puritans would look with an air of disapproval behind him, of course, admonishing his theatrics, what's more with a pubescent kid at home. Secretly, many of them would cringe in agony thinking, if only they had the testicular fortitude to do the same without giving a minute's thought to others' thoughts of the whole exercise. But then, the meekness in them makes them all shrivel up.  

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A bold move?

A Summer Place (1959)
Director: Dalmer Daves

This must be a bold movie when it was made in the late 50s, talking about infidelity, teenage promiscuity, behaviour and sex. With all the restrictions on American movies' code of conduct, they pulled this out.

The movie starts with a summer vacation mansion that has seen better days. It is run by a husband-and-wife team (Bart and Sylvia). The husband is an obvious dipsomaniac, and the wife is apparently uncontended with life. They have a soon-to-go-to-high school son (Johnny, acted by teenage heartthrob Troy Donahue). Business is barely sustainable as the husband, who inherited it from his father, is more interested in keeping himself inebriated. 

In comes a millionaire with his wife (Ken and Helen) and teenage daughter (Molly, acted by Sandra Dee, typically typecasted as an ingénue, simple girl) to stay for the next three months. The juicy story behind it is that the businessman used to work as a lowly lifeguard there and had sought greener pastures when Sylvia rejected his love advances. 

Ken and Helen also have an unhappy marriage, with Helen being the uppity urbane female with class consciousness and a stickler for rules). Helen is the strict parent who controls Molly's every attire and behaviour, while Ken is the chill parent.

Ken rekindles his affair with Sylvia. Their nightly secret rendezvous came to Helen's knowledge. Johnny and Molly, with their raging teenage hormones, see Cupid shooting arrows. 

The story becomes twisted as Ken and Sylvia divorce their spouses, and the step-siblings discover their sexuality.

Even though the acting (except for Helen, played by Constance Ford), the dialogue and its delivery leave much to be desired, the music score by Max Steiner turned out to be evergreen.

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Are you happy?

The Bridges of Madison County (1995)
Director: Clint Eastwood

With all the hype surrounding finding the perfect love and that love is forever with persuasions like 'listen to your heart' and 'you'll know when the right one comes along', this one is a wet blanket.

This film may be one of the best love stories ever made, not because it was directed by one of Hollywood's best directors but because it deals with a mature theme. Is the whole idea of marriage to complete the cycle of childbearing and childrearing as well as dotting the 'i's and crossing the 't's to ensure the institution of marriage continues unhinged, to pass the baton to generations next or is it to savour all the senses that complete a human being?

Is sex a privilege accorded only between a society-sanctioned couple and not with anybody else? Is it true that some people are just not wired to stay monogamous, or is it just an excuse to play truant, to savour the forbidden fruit?

Did society criminalise extramarital sex to give a face to paternity before a time when paternity testing was mainstream? At a time when most sexually transmitted infections were viewed as God's wrath on fornicators and adulterers and antibiotics were not discussed, it does not make sense for little children to run around without their mothers. What contraception? Coitus is a divine act sanctioned for procreation and nothing else, say the Judeo-Christian traditions. Now that our contraceptive options have improved, is this still applicable? 

Detractors of the above will cite the emotional (or lack of) reasons for keeping everything within the family unit, the good, bad, warts and all. Sex is just one component of married life. There are more experiences to achieve in this union called matrimony. 

This film gently deals with this touchy topic without condescending thoughts or resolution. It is what it is. We just have to deal with it.

Two siblings return to their farmhouse to have their mother's will read. They are shocked that her mother wants her remains to be cremated and ashes scattered over a bridge nearby. The children are puzzled as the family already has a cemetery plot. Looking through her journals, the children get access to the mother's well-kept secret. The mother, Francesca, was a war bride when she met her love in Italy at the tail end of WW2. Excited about the idea of marrying an America and migrating to the USA, her hopes are dashed when she is stuck in Iowa, on a farm where nothing happened - no neon lights, no Disneyland. In the summer of 1965, when Francesca's husband and her two teenage kids were away attending a fair over four days, she had a brief affair with a National Geographic photographer. Francesca lived the rest of her married life in memory of those four days, still performing her motherly and wifely duties.

In the spring of youth, with raging hormones, we plunge into relationships. Soon the magic died out. The ember of passion fizzles out. We reach a crossroads - to cave in to bodily needs or to look at the whole exercise as a higher calling and persevere.

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