A call to nowhere

Wind telephone in Otsuchi, Japan

Photo credit: atlasobscura.com

We, the rational ones, the ones relatively free of turmoil, of sound minds and souls, and of satisfied mouth and bodies, just would not take things at face value. We want proof. We want a rational and scientific explanation for everything before we commit to anything. But, life is not so simple. There are some things beyond our comprehension. Sometimes it is better to be thick, to be nimble-minded and to be ignorant as ignorance is bliss. The eyes do not seek what the mind does not know.

After Itaru Sasaki lost his cousin in 2010, he decided to build a glass-panelled phone booth in his hilltop garden with a disconnected rotary phone inside for communicating with his lost relative, to help him deal with his grief. The phone line was not connected to anywhere. The view outside was of the widespread of the Pacific Ocean.

A year later when Japanese were grieving the loss of their loved ones in the tsunami and Fukuoka nuclear disaster, people who heard about this 'wind telephone' started flocking to it. Somehow the idea of communicating through a line to nowhere after dialling the last known number of their loved ones and 'telling' them unmentioned last words and narrating to 'them' of their progress helped them to come to terms with their departures. The view out to the ocean, as if gazing into the edge of the world, helps. It gives the caller the illusion of communicating with the ethereal world.

It does not make sense. It does nothing but mean everything to the people who find solace in this ritual. The human psyche is such, unpredictable, irrational and sometimes only blinded by emotions. There is no rational explanation for everything every time. If it works, it works.

http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/wind-telephone

Am I missing something?

Thani Oruvan (Lone Man, தணி ஒருவன்,  Tamil; 2015)


This movie was highly recommended by a friend, a connoisseur of Tamil films of sorts, for its atypical storyline. So, I gave it a go. Sadly, it was nothing like how he described.

I fail to understand why some films keep on using the oft-tested formula of a lone man fighting and eventually defeating a corrupt society controlled by an evil conglomerate. How many times we have seen perfectly executed outlandish plans going on with Swiss-like precision. And how many police jeeps-flying stunts, dodging the bullets scenes and pyrotechnic display can one stomach?

Too many stories of shady politicians working in cahoots with corrupt law enforcement officers and unscrupulous people in business come to mind when we view this movie. The only different thing here is Arvind Swamy, the favourite moustachioed droopy-eyed heart-throb of the 90s. He is back. Instead of playing his usual lover boy role, he plays the role of a ruthless badass scientist who has no qualms about selling an Indian discovery which can potentially cure diabetes to foreign establishments for profit.

And another new in this flick is how a father is abused verbally and even murdered off by his son! This must surely be a downright low stunt to create sensationalism.

Maybe I am missing something here. This movie cannot be all that bad if, after this Tamil release, it was remade and is planned to be made in Telugu and Bengali as well as Hindi (Salman Khan starred), Kannada and Marathi respectively.

Yet to see the labour of her fruit...

Diari untuk Prasana (2017)
Director: Norhayati Kaprawi

What does an average person want in life? He wants his place under the sun to do what he pleases, to continue his biological demands of life and to see the products of his efforts blossom to fruit as he himself withers into the sunset.

Life does not always provide level playing field for all to compete. The weak, the handicapped, the fragile minded and the economically challenged are always disadvantaged. Hence, to give hope to the downtrodden, Man created a way of life which provided social justice for all, religion. Everyone found a purpose in life doing justice for the fellow humankind with the hope that they would be rewarded handsomely in another place, space and time. Somewhere along the way, things got confused; living became for the uncertain after-life, not the present. Dichotomy formed. The believers thought of themselves as superior beings hand-picked to enforce Divine Law on Earth and to usurp as many followers as they can to improve their spiritual standings as they enter afterlife! The message of Peace of Earth and Justice for all got lost in translation.

The producer and director of the short documentary embarked on this flick to highlight the effect of a unilateral conversion of a minor by a father on the mother and her two siblings. It dwells into the daily life of a kindergarten teacher, her mother and her two children who are now young adults. The cameras followed them into their everyday lives and their untiring pursuits and umpteenth journeys to the Palace of Justice in Putrajaya in the hope of being together with the lost member of the family. The courts and the people in power seem to be dragging their feet to do what appears as politically acceptable and not to hurt their supporters. They do not care if justice is done. They just retreat into a safe cocoon uttering gibberish to fill airspace and news columns. Eight years have passed since as the mother, with her legal team, fight an uphill battle against a lethargic system which is only worried about their own survival.

The politically charged film shows the daily struggle of an average middle-class citizen wronged by her loved one who kidnapped her child, goes into hiding and is protected by a system which just defies a direct order. Nobody can anything about it, and the mother misses the crucial years of motherhood - seeing her child make baby steps and do all the things make the excruciating labour pains worth the while.

What has the whole imbroglio shown to the nation? That religion divides, no recourse for the underprivileged, politicians are a conniving lot who are only interested in the next election results and everybody just wants to be politically correct. Nobody actually cares, everyone for himself.

Revenge via psychological torture!

Puthiya Niyamam (New Justice, Malayalam; 2016)

This crime thriller is a refreshing format that deviates from the standard Indian movie making. It is a family drama infused with elements of noir. Nayanthara plays the leading role, and the story screams of woman empowerment.

Rapes victims in most societies are looked upon condescendingly, and judgments are passed upon their behaviours with the simplest of generalisation. Even family members are no support. Most cases remain unreported for fear of bringing shame to the household, apprehension about reliving the whole event during investigation and litigation and the seemingly lenient punishments to the perpetrators. Then there is honour killing in some regions!

When Vasuki (Nayanthara), a Kathakali dancer, a homemaker and a mother of a young child who is married to a TV commentator, lawyer and artist, Louis Puthan (Mammootty), is raped, the same fears went through her mind. With the 'help' from a newly appointed crime busting lady police chief, Vasuki gauges a psychological warfare against her rapists, two drug addicts and the dhoby-man.

By invoking panic, Vasuki, drove them to take their own lives. Be prepared to be surprised at the end when the real execution is revealed to the audience. A refreshing flick. The drawback of the movie is the 'too perfect' accomplishment of plans and the irritating background music and chorus humming every time Mammootty flashes on the screen. And Mammothy is 65 years old...

The wisdom behind Murugan's Vel!

I have a confession. When I was young, at an impression age, when my guards were down, naive and the eyes of knowledge were still in slumber, I was ashamed whenever I attended religious functions. The theatrics showed by the professors of religions were, in my nimble mind, laughable. During Thaipusam and fire-walking ceremonies, the high decibels, high energies and activities that they emanated just took away any semblance of divinity from it. Now, I know better, I think, I hope.

Like the Oracles of Delphi, messages are transmitted in coded languages and double speaks. They are all symbolic notes to the secret of life. We have to understand that the religious leaders were spreading the good word to mostly illiterate simpletons and agrarians with primal needs.

The power, force, fire, sounds, noise, water and light are not as they are. The evil or dark forces are not from without but within; our naivety, ignorance and our inertia to progress. The sceptic in me, however, asks myself whether all these are just afterthoughts or justifications to our past history which is so full of carnage and evil?

The lady asks, "Murugan received the Vel (spear) from his mother Parvati to kill the enemies, right?"
"Yes," said the teacher.
The lady demands, "which mother would give a weapon to her child? Is it not irresponsible?"
The teacher sheepishly smiles to say, "It is all symbology." Whilst praising the Tamils, he replies,"... the Tamils were far ahead of their time, even more than 2500 years ago.
The Vel is actually a weapon, correct, but it is our thinking capacity. It should be sharp like the tip, wide like the blade and deep like the holder!"
To this, everybody applauded!!! Vel, Vel, Arohara!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

My way, your way or the right way?

An Insignificant Man (2017)

Director: Khushboo Ranka & Vinay Shukla

Another highlight of the Malaysian Freedom Film Festival is the screening of the biopic of a taxman who decided to change the landscape of politics after a bitter event in the course of his work. Arvind Kejriwal, at a time when Anna Hazare started fasting to make people realise the widespread of corruption in Indian politics, started a new political party by the name of Aap Aadmi Party (AAP). Using the logo of a broom as its party symbol, he had hoped to clean Indian politics. Much to everybody's astonishment, this newbie did manage to oust the long-standing Chief Minister of Delhi, Sheila Dixit of the Congress Party.

This documentary tells in a much convincing manner, the trials and tribulations of an everyday man who is a greenhorn to the mind-boggling world of politics in his single-minded zest to fight cancer the society. He comes to realise that it is not easy to change the society. The community, at large, has come to terms that the system is unscrupulous. Rather than fighting an unwinnable battle against an unassailable enemy, they have resigned to the fact it is more beneficial just to embrace the wrong-doings rather than change the status quo.

Kejriwal, through his unrelenting spirit and with his selection of a trustworthy band of social reformers, managed to single-handedly shatter the idea that only wealthy politicians with past track records and connections with the two major political parties can win the election. With his single gesture, he changed the political landscape of India forever.

Unfortunately, the noblest of intentions also meet resistance. His long standing 'generals' and 'doyens' of the party parted ways along the way. It only goes on to show that life is a zero-sum game. Gains on one side is the loss of the other. No single action is all-good or all-wrong. There are always merits and demerits in any action. The best course of action is the composite of one which the best to the most. In the course of action, there are bound to be resentment and retaliation. At the end of these objections would hopefully propel the human race to a higher level of culture, evolution and wisdom.

WhatsApp conferencing with the director.
The film is plagued with legal wrangles and censorship problems.

http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/

In defence of irate people

---

• LETTERS
• Tuesday, 12 Sep 2017

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99