Play ball or be cancelled!

Falling Down (1993)

Thanks, Danny, for showing the existence of this film.

We are constantly bombarded with the notion that we should follow the weather-beaten path, and everything will be alright. Do as I say, not as I do. Follow the dotted lines, and you will be taken care of. We are expected to act in a particular manner as it is how a civil society behaves. Keeping your emotions under check denotes maturity, and everybody will play their part.

We do our share of our bargain diligently but then, we realise that we had been taken for a ride. The promise turned out to be an empty one—a dream not, but a nightmare. And we flip. The system to whom we had been loyal all these while turns around and say that we are the evil one. The significant others whom we saw as the scourge is now the protected one.

Foster must have found himself in the same kind of predicament. Working diligently as a faithful servant in a defence facility, he realised one day that he had neither a job nor her family to go to. His employer had terminated him, and his wife has a restraining order against him. He is stuck in a bad traffic jam, his car air-conditioning has failed, and it is scorching hot outside. He had it. He decided to abandon his vehicle and walk-on home. Then it dawned upon him. He is the bad guy now. He is chided for leaving his car in traffic; he is threatened by ruffians when resting in an empty plot - is thought to have nefarious thoughts; guns and weapons are at everybody disposals, but was told that it was for peaceful reasons; he had to conform to pre-set orders on the menu; that people are outwardly pleasant masking a suppressed hatred; the immigrants who scaled the country in poverty are now dictating terms. Foster is now hunted as a villain because he deviated from the socially accepted norms.

Even his wife does not think he is right for her anymore as he has deviated from the societal pre-set rules. There is no place for self-expression; conform or be shipped out! (Hey, this is #cancel culture!)

In contrast, another character, a policeman, despite the curveballs that life has to offer, he is accepted as he plays ball. Like a domesticated cat, he conforms to the home environment.

A thoughtful offering on the pressure cooker state that modern man has to endure to stay relevant in modern societies. His wings are clipped, and his testosterone slowly dwindling in an environment that continually looks at him as toxic.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

We flock together when the odds are against us.

Sometimes (Sila Samayanggil, Tamil, சில சமயங்கில்; 2018)
Netflix

We consider ourselves one step better than a stranger standing beside us. We gaze at them through our rose-tinted glasses when they are unaware and draw our own conclusions on their moral standards and codify them either 'good' or 'bad'.

All these changes immediately the moment there is an imminent danger or a potentially life-consuming event in the near future. Imagine a group of passengers in a cruise who are stranded in a terrible storm, have lost all radio contacts and just waiting for time to sink if help does not arrive in time. In that scenario, everybody put their prejudices aside, treat each other as equal and try to face the common enemy.

This is the scenario that the filmmakers are trying to create. Seven patients are waiting anxiously in a sparsely populated lobby for their HIV results. Each patient has their own story that brought them to get their blood tested - an ex-girlfriend dying from AIDS, a single contact with a sex worker, a rape victim, someone who helped a road traffic accident victim who later died with HIV and so on. I guess the storyteller decided to stay from a gay or a promiscuous character as he would probably be the focus of the story or take the suspense part out of guessing who would turn HIV+ later. In the midst of all these is a counter clerk at the hospital who has serious money issues. 

The seven patients could not stand the pressure of having to wait until the end of the day to get the results. They try to bribe the clerk to expedite the results, but all she could do was to tell that one of the seven of them got the bad news. The question is which one of them? That creates suspense that lasts throughout the later part of the film.

The whole movie takes place in a single set mostly, and in a single day. A slow-moving but intense drama with enough melodrama to satisfy the appetite of Tamil moviegoers. An AIDS awareness movie. 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

Doggone life?

Credit: stress.org

You think you have it bad, working your butt day in and day out, dancing to the tunes of the loved ones around you and clowning to the antics of your potential clients. You were made to think that you are responsible for your mess. It is not proper for one to absolve himself of his misdeeds. It does not matter if the mistakes were made in the prime of youth when the heart control the mind and the sacral plexus were more dominant than the pre-frontal cortex. You reap what you sow, they say.

The demands of the modern world get too overwhelming. The pressure cooker lifestyle that you lead needed decompression. Your friends tell you to de-stress your life. Their mantra sings, "Lose your wife and reduce your stress by 50%; lose your Wi-fi for the remaining 50%!"

On top of the world, not looking,

without a care in the world! © EsKaySK

Then you tell yourself that you have to unleash from the chains of this proverbial dog's life; shooed, shied away and under-appreciated even though you treat your loved ones as God.

© FG

You go incognito in pursuit of peace of happiness in the company of you and yourself, losing your wife and Wi-fi conveniently. You scale the high mountains and knee-deep snow seeking serenity and solace. You reach the pinnacle, you are mesmerised and humbled by Nature's creation. You lose yourself in awe but what do also see? Lying at the edge of heaven without a care in the world, basking in the crisp sunlight, eyes closed in forty-winks with a sly smile on the side on its little lip are bushy dogs who seem to have found permanent residence in Triund, about 2000 metres above sea level.


Then, it strikes you. A dog does not have a dog's life! Human chooses to have a conniving rabid-like environment around him. He thinks that by creating such a hydrophobic atmosphere, he achieves much. Conversely, the dogs take it lying down.

The world that you create depends much on yourself. A dog's life, a godly one, a being always on the move or to just take things lying down - pick your choice. The world is your oyster. You are given one life, only one. Use it wisely.

asok22.wixsite.com/real-lesson

http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/

In defence of irate people

---

• LETTERS
• Tuesday, 12 Sep 2017

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

I DON’T personally know the woman who has been made an Internet sensation by someone posting an unflattering video of her berating a city council officer who clamped her car that was parked in an OKU parking lot but I sure know how it feels to be “irate”.

While the cyber world watches that video and condemns her, no one really knows the war she’s been through or constantly goes through as a caregiver for an OKU (assuming it’s true).

By the way, I’ve been there.

As the father of a 23-year-old special needs person, or OKU as they are unceremoniously called here, I know for a fact that the daily stress level of a caregiver is beyond most people’s comprehension. Hence, a video footage shows only the consequence of her meltdown and not the reason.

While I’m not making excuses for her behaviour at the time, I can tell you that it doesn’t take much to tip a caregiver (especially the primary caregiver who probably has the disabled person 24/7, 365) off the edge and go berserk.

As a matter of fact, I had to restrain myself the other day as I took my strapping young special needs son to watch the Inhumans movie (a fitting title, coincidentally) which he wanted to watch at the IMAX cinema. Just as the movie was starting, my son decided he wanted to go and eat pizza instead. I spent the next 10 minutes negotiating with him to continue to watch the movie and then have dinner afterwards. He went into an angry fit and flung his backpack and sweater across the cinema. He then threatened to rip his clothes up, starting with his pants.

By then, the audience was watching this spectacle rather than the movie.

Next, my son stood up and berated me at the top of his voice. At that point, the art of negotiation was no longer an option.

I could tackle him (as I sometimes do) to the ground (in a delicately hard but gentle manner) and hold him down for a few minutes till his meltdown tapers off. But I decided against that and took him out of the cinema as he was totally belligerent and obnoxious at that point.

On the way out, he bashed the auto door and unhinged it. I spent the next 10 minutes fixing it before the management sent me a bill.

On the way downstairs, he threw his bag to the ground again. By the time we made our way three floors down the mall to the pizza place, he wanted to go back to the cinema.

That, my fellow human beings, is a sample of the kind of war that many caregivers fight on a daily basis.

Then there was the time where we as a family decided to go bowling (a sport my son likes). But when we got to the lane (after paying and collecting the shoes, etc), he flipped and decided bowling was not the flavour of the moment.

Being the calm person/father I am, I suggested we play a few rounds before moving on. Within seconds of hearing this suggestion, he was hurling 8lb bowling balls in every direction except on our paid lane.

To prevent serious injury to his six-year-old sister, my wife and other bowlers, I tackled him to the ground and held him there. A wave of “woooooooooh” echoed through the 24-lane bowling alley as the other bowlers gasped at this “irate” monster of a father brawling with his defenceless son! Imagine what monster I would be called if some clever soul videoed the tackle (as they do) and posted it on social media.

Let us imagine for a moment that you are the father, mother or even an adult child of a disabled person and you are financially strapped, and that every moment you have to work earns money and every moment you stay the caregiver, you earn nothing.

Do remember that disability covers not just autism but everything from cerebral palsy, down syndrome, muscular dystrophy, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia to a host of other conditions that debilitate not just the sufferer but in many instances the caregivers and their ability to earn too.

In this instance, would “blowing” your cinema tickets or bowling fee because your special needs person goes ballistic impact on you? Let’s now imagine the stress it levies on relationships.

I know many marriages and relationships in such situations fall apart. Family and friends, while they care, can only do so much. Imagine the stress level it places on stepparents of special needs people.

It is not a wonder that many caregivers contemplate suicide as, for the longest time, respite care and supported living centres are relatively unheard of or were a taboo subject.

Even if they are available, most have deplorable conditions or are out of the financial reach to many families.

As Asians, it has been unthinkable for parents to contemplate placing their grown-up child in supported living centres because it is “not the right thing to do” while family and friends are quick to judge such “uncaring” parents.

“How can you even contemplate dumping your child?” many would be quick to judge.

We forget that this is 2017 and most caring countries would place emphasis on providing the much-needed support systems that enable both the disabled and the caregivers a better shot in a life worth living.

No one “dumps” his or her loved ones. They provide a better place for them to have a sense of belonging and where family can visit and, in some countries, stay on holiday at the centre with their special needs person.

Imagine the situation when your “child” is now 60 and you, the parent, are pushing 85. Who would be the one suffering – the judge or the judged?

So perhaps, when a video like this appears on social media, let’s give the person the benefit of the doubt because we have no idea where or what’s she’s been through.

Videos capture humanity at their best and also at their worst. Yet we take little time to understand why they do what they do in these videos. Unless we’ve been there.

By the way, kudos to the

city council officer who was non-judgmental and gracious throughout the entire situation (not an easy feat when someone threateningly wields a steering lock at you). He should be made an exemplary officer for others to follow.

He did a better job being in the hot seat than the hundreds of netizens judging and condemning the woman from the comfort and safety of their illuminated digital screens without knowing what was inside her heart. Perhaps my fellow netizens might see a different perspective by watching this video: https://youtu.be/Wl2_knlv_xw

I’d like to take this opportunity to challenge the authorities to look at supported living centres and respite care centres in other countries and see how they can be done more professionally here with a little help from property developers, perhaps.

Just as property developers incorporate preschools, international schools and colleges to attract house buyers, perhaps they could look at a CSR-cum-marketing unique selling point where townships incorporate supported living centres too.

Do remember that at some point, someone in our families will need that support. Wouldn’t it be great if we all thought about this humanely? It could very well be you needing this centre as you age.…

TERRY G

Kuala Lumpur

Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/opinion/letters/2017/09/12/in-defence-of-irate-people/#Q6K3dupxo8zJrsEV.99

Norm is just consensus

An error of judgement 

Pamela Hansford Johnson

This is one book that I had deferred reading for a long time. I bought a long time ago but decided giving it a miss umpteen times over other books with more alluring covers! I should read it earlier. The book gives a dark description of human behaviours; in marital, medical, theological and social lives. It goes on to show how difficult it is for one to carry on living a modern life. Unlike a conservative society where gender roles, parental duties and offspring expectations are cast in stone, the rules in modern living are quite fluid. Everybody feels his needs has to be met. He lives for himself, not for the society, not for family. Every man is for himself. It is the generation of self. Above all, it is all about self-liberation, self-expression, self-fulfillment and self-satisfaction. In the good old days, the same actions could constitute self-indulgence, self-gratification and selfishness.

This obscure book tells the story of a psychiatrist and his ragtag group of patients/'friends' who had regular meetings for self-help purposes. The story is told from the viewpoint of Victor, an engineer by profession, who had a chance meeting at a professional level for a medical condition. From there the psychiatrist, Setter, went on to invite Victor's wife and his mother in law to join a group therapy. Victor's mother-in-law had depression following debilitating arthritis and lack of self-confidence. Victor's wife, Jenny, also develops guilt and anxiety issues coping with her mother and later, guilt over her mother's death.

In the group were other interesting characters, a spinster from Victor's office, a pastor, a juvenile delinquent and others. Setter has his own issues to tackle; his suppressed inner desire to afflict pain and violence and his disillusionment with his career. An old lady is brutally killed in what appeared like mischief by a band of hooligans and the delinquent in the group is the prime suspect.

Victor is also puzzled by Setter's strange marital relationship. His wife is openly flirting and moving around with a much younger man without creating any spark on Setter's side.

A strange saga of moral and marriage dilemma. The writing, in my opinion, opens one's mind to the mores of the world that we live in together without taking the higher ground and passing judgement. It is just the evolution of society that the older generation has to learn to accept. What is the norm if it is not just consensus?