Sandwiched!

https://davisfinancialllc.com/financial-planning-in-the-sandwich-generation/

The other day, I had a long chat with an old secondary school friend of mine. It was simply an ordinary conversation covering various topics of mutual interest, like many times before. We fondly recalled the carefree days of a bygone era when the future was a blank sheet of paper eagerly waiting to be coloured with our choices and imagination, guided by our family and friends, whether positively or negatively.

So, during the last phone call, my friend went on a rant about one of our mutual friends who had no control over his children. He claimed they had him wrapped around their fingers. This common friend, let's call him Joe, is a widower who lost his wife ten years ago to cancer. He had to play both mother and father to his two teenage girls then. Over the years, despite the ups and downs of their adolescence, he managed to raise them into independent women who have carved out their own futures. 

What is Joe's problem, then? He feels that his common friend's daughters are not sympathetic to his situation and do whatever they please without considering his feelings. He worries that Joe will be left alone in his twilight years to fend for himself. The daughters are already planning to live their lives abroad. 

I wanted to tell my schoolmate, "What's your problem? You are in no position to comment. You don't have children. You don't talk!”

 

Being the nice person I am, I didn't say that. I just told him it was complicated. 

You see, my classmate was so full of himself that he never hitched up to anyone until he was 50; that too in a long-distance relationship with someone beyond the prime of her youth. 

What my schoolmate feels right now is no different from how my wife and I felt before we had children. We had such grand ideas about how we wanted to shape our children to perfection when the time came. We once scorned tantrum-throwing kids and promised our children would not behave that way. Of course, all of that proved to be false in real life. Many compromises had to be made, and ideal parenting only existed beautifully in our imaginations. 

Then there were the external influences in the form of TV, especially sitcoms, which gave a composite picture of what ideal parents should be like. These TV parents never raise their voices. They take in all abuses and forgive them in the spirit of learning. They allow dating and weekend sleepovers. A bear hug resolves all uncertainties. 

After that, Oprah and her new wave of human empowerment strode in. Suddenly, traditional values disappeared. In came Dr Oz and his quackery. Everyone at some stage believed they had PTSD of some sort and felt they had to speak out against the cruelty of the world. If the boomers thought they would be strong, they were mistaken. They saw the world as hostile and threatened to retreat into a safe space they would create for themselves. The rest of the world would be shut out, and time would seem to stand still for them.  

The internet crept in, which no gatekeeper could hold, throwing parental control into disarray. What parents had aimed to teach through their example over the years was shattered as an unseen force, from God knows where, rattled everything overnight. There was no turning back.

 

My classmate would never realise that people of my generation are part of the sandwich generation, meaning those with both children and elderly parents. We have to kowtow to our parents and bend backwards to meet the whims and fancies of our children, sandwiched between two dominant generations. One demands its way or no way. The other wants things not now, but yesterday!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

When I grow up...

Right, I am a millennial and a proud one at it. This is how I look at my values. These decrees are updated periodically, validated and eventually cast in stone by my contemporaries via social media pages. The toolkit is broadcasted far and wide for all to bow in obedience, hoping to achieve a New World Order with all netizens thinking in one single unwavering frame of thought.

Paradoxically, I am supposed to think of myself; but only about myself. It is only me that mattered. The others are here to help me out. After all, what are people for if not to help the others around? Whether I will help others does not come into the equation, as I must first take care of myself. After all, I have only one life -me. I am not going to give this up for anything else. I have to explore the extent of my true capabilities.

It is not my fault that I think I must not fail in my every endeavour. Do not blame me for that. You were the first to praise me in my childhood whenever I bungled up. You still gave me a medal when I came out last in a competitive race. 

Filial piety, what filial piety? Is it not enough for me to deal with all the unsavoury traits you gave me, forever trapping me in your shadows? I cannot even take care of myself in this increasingly competitive world. No thanks to you too that my generation has to endure all the environmental degradation you gave us to mend. 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

The rest, all side show.

 Thithi (ತಿಥಿ, Lunar day, Kannada; 2015)

Our wants and needs vary as we grow older (and hopefully wiser). In the spring of our youth, we are brimming with raging hormones. Our biological needs somehow shut off our cognitive powers. The pudendal nerve and illusive higher centres control the more rational neuronal connexions. Unfortunately, the seeds and the ghosts of our action persist in haunting us in the later phase of our lives.

Supposing we pass through youth unscathed, in the next phase of our lives, stuck with baggage of our past, we are expected to provide for our kin. Social hierarchy dictates we are responsible for the seeds that we sow. The emphasis of life is to provide for the living and to accumulate material wealth for an uncertain future. If we are 'cursed' with a long but unproductive life, we have to fend for ourselves. Conversely, a short affluent one will only benefit the dependants.

After completing the deeds that we are assigned to do, to fulfil our karma, we finally understand everything. The dents and blows of the Hard Knock School of Life open our eyes to reality. The heartaches and betrayals lay bare the illusory nature of life. We become pessimistic. Somehow, all our prior chase for material and bodily gratifications do not matter anymore. That is when others think we are fools.

This simple neo-realistic movie using non-professional actors utilising natural backdrops and naked sounds of nature is a multiple-award-winning offering from the Kannada cinema, often labelled as Sandalwood. It tells the tales of a centenarian, Century Gowda, who dies suddenly. Gowda had been a hunk in his heydays, and that created a rift between him and his son, Gaddappa. Gaddappa is disillusioned with material things and prepare to live as an ascetic (or vagabond, pick your choose). Gaddappa's son, Tamanna, is a householder who is striving to keep his family intact minding his sugar cane plantation and erratic water supply. Tamanna's son, Abhi, a loafer who gets on by doing odd jobs and surfing porn on his mobile phone, and has both his eyes hooked on a pretty goat shepherd girl.

The rest of the tale tells about Tamanna, fed up with his father, Gadappa's, lackadaisical attitude with life wanting to sell off his grandfather's land to support his family. Unfortunately, Gadappa does not want to write off the plot of land to his son. Tamanna then plots a convoluted plan to create a fake death certificate of his father whilst sending him off on an extended vacation towards this end. 

The story shows us how these members of the three generations are embroiled in their own shenanigans as each of them pursues their own purpose in life. It all ends up in a twisted comedy of errors. The rest of the villagers are there to enjoy the party; the party being the final funeral rites of Century Gowda. Here, they celebrate his full life by feasting on the family's mutton meal and the stage show that was arranged. The rest is all sideshow for them.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International. 

It's so easy to fall in love?

Krishna and His Leela (Telugu, 2020)
Netflix

Even though this film has just been released, it has kicked up such a storm over the cyberworld. Hashtags like #BoycottNetflix and #KrishnaAndHisLeela are trending. People are calling @NetflixIndia Hinduphobic, citing many of its latest productions apathetic to the Hindu sentiments. Films like Sacred Games, Bulbul, Ghoul, Delhi Crimes and Leila have allegedly denigrated the Hindu deities. In this offering, is it a merely by chance that the main character's name coincides with the protagonist of the epic Mahabharata? Krishna in the movie is an indecisive chap who conveniently two-times his two girlfriends whose names just happens to be Lord Krishna's two of His eight queen-consorts, Radha and Satya. There is a third girl whose name sounds similar to Rukmini.

The fact that the protagonist pushed the boundary of public 'Indian' decency that ired viewers more. In most Indian movies, the story of a hero is only allowed to be engaged in relationships with more than one partner only when it is a comedy film or for actors in villainous roles. Still, engaging in sexual relations with more than one is taboo. Sex is revered a special status that is only reserved for that one true love. If a hero sacrificing his true love to marry someone else to defend social mores, that is alright, but not a wilfully two-timing. Characters with godly names and pushing the social boundaries is a tad too much for the public liking.

Ashtabharya (8 consort-queen) with Krishna -
19th Century Mysore painting.

It seems portrayal of Jesus Christ as a nose-ring bearing lesbian woman by Paris Jackson (daughter of the King of Pop) in a new movie 'Habit' is not okay. We all know what happened to Salman Rushdie when his satire 'Satanic Verses' mocked the Prophet. The Hindus are the harmless punching backs. Even the local stand-up comedy scene is bountiful with jokes with all religions except Islam for fear of being accused of being Islamophobic and of bearing the brunt of the rage of its believers.

A few new trends are seen in the lifestyles of the young adults as the norm, as suggested here. Once one is of a certain age, there is a strong compulsion to explore and prove their sexual identity as well as to fulfil their sexual appetite. Living off their relatively well-heeled parent(s), they do not need to think of their essential day-to-day survival needs. Maybe sexual prowesses has become another basic tenet to prove their existence. Their future is the last thing they consider. Time just passes by as they search in vain their passion, their raison d'être, as they drag their sorry ass slugging through one frustrating task after another. Did I mention alcohol flows like a river at every insignificant moment of their life? True, they drink occasionally, but every occasion is a reason to get drunk.

Overindulgence in intoxicants is not seen as a sign of being irresponsible but of living life to the max. At least that is what the media and celluloid pseudo-world seem to glorify. It is as though they deserve it, they earned it for all the troubles and difficulties they go through in modern life. Every generation thinks they had it tough and the generation before and after them had it on a platter.

Maybe this is the subtle way how the East India Company with its Scottish doctor-trader, Dr William Jardin, defeated the mighty Chinese around the time before the Opium Wars. They basically weakened the Chinese bureaucracy and machinery into becoming drug addicts. Like a bacteriophage, the British took over the driver's seat and the whole car, i.e. Hong Kong as the entire Chinese machinery was paralysed. In their subtle way again, the entrepreneurs of the world have made beer-drinking and football game revelry synonymous. Is this a secret ploy by the anarchist to weaken mankind and turn us all to obedient automatons.

The movie also questions that perhaps the male gender, often accused of showing its toxicity through its patriarchal set of social rules, have gone all mellow. To conform to political correctness, not to rock the status quo or create ripples in a perceived stable society, they have to just take dictation to what the fairer sex recites. Yes, you can; no, I feel violated; I will tell you when; stop means stop are the buzz words that define the dynamics of modern boy-girl relationships.

Me, glad the rat race is ending as I set into the horizon.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

Somebody to ape?

Friends (1994-2004; Season 1-10)

People need role models to guide them through the uncertainties of life. Every living day is a new experience. Hence, newbies who step into different stages of their lives necessitate the presence of someone with authority to emulate. Parents and teachers are sparse representations of adulthood. Their paths are dull, unexciting and merely outdated. Juniors need to follow routes that are 'compelling' and approved by their contemporaries. They aspire for someone or some icon to tell them what normality is.

For teenagers who peeled their inner eyes of awareness at the turn of the century, the Gen-Y's, the TV rom-com 'Friends' could have influenced their perception of what relationship is all about. 

Come to think of it, a generation before them formed their opinions on more significant life issues from Oprah. Oprah Winfrey set the standards on women empowerment, relationship issues, and accepting body image issues. It was as though the whole world had one set of values and it was dictated by the divas in the superficially glamorous city of Tinseltown.

The Gen-Ys (a.k.a. Millennials, born 1981-96), the middle-class English speaking urbanites, moulded their lives around the characters of 'Friends'. It was the norm to have close friends of either gender who may be intimate friends of any kind, with no holds barred, including those considered taboo by the generation before them to go to in time of crises. The social and cultural norms deemed 'normal' are as determined by their favourite characters or collectively by the cast of 'Friends'.

For those who have been living in hibernation, the sit-com 'Friends' is about a group of six friends, two apartments and a coffee shop that they hang out as well as the people as they meet in their lives. They were in their 20s when they started the show. Ross and Monica are siblings. Chandler attended the same high school as Ross. Rachel was Monica's high school mate while Joey joined the group when he became Chandler's roommate. The sixth member of the group is Phoebe, the free-spirited 'hippie', who once lived off the streets and now works as a masseuse. 

Ross is a palaeontologist in a museum. Chandler is a statistic analyst while Joey is a struggling actor. Monica is trying to make it big as a chef. Rachel started as a waitress at the cafe they hang out, Central Perk, but later found a job in the fashion industry.

The earlier seasons were refreshing, but as more episodes get churned, one cannot help but notice that the scriptwriters were running out of ideas. I guess one cannot ask too many questions like how some cash-strapped struggling young adult could afford to live in Manhattan and spent most days chilling at their favourite cafeteria. And why a palaeontologist and an academic would find the company of blue-collar workers more appealing. As their funny bone shrunk, their canned laughter seemed to reach higher decibels, and their threshold for laughter fell to almost zero. The writers dragged airtime by creating lazy jokes with sexual innuendos and sometimes in-your-face tasteless language labelled as a comedy. Another time-buying manoeuvring was replaying clip shows and operating on sentiments of nostalgia. The show failed to show a growing maturity in the characters. They seem to be excited by the same jokes all throughout the seasons.

It is ridiculous when in one season Joey and Rachel are lovestruck and the next, they are finding dates and discussing ways to bed their respective dates. Sure, it is all supposed to be taken lightly, it is after all showbiz, I find it comical when a couple who has fallen out of love with each other can look at each other in the face like nothing happened. And live in the same apartment, on top of that! Or is that modern love or something called moving on?

After being in the limelight for ten seasons, the producers finally pulled the plug on the show after episode #236, leaving a string of broken hearts and rudderless souls. They await a reunion of the cast in a single unscripted comeback show which was supposed to out in March 2020 but postponed due to COVID-19.


It is not for me to say, but maybe it is for social scientists to explore. The male characters are not given prominence in the series, much like many of the shows that are churned out from Hollywood. The male personas appear the not so intelligent ones, jokers, laid back, indecisive and be wrapped around the fingers of their female counterparts. It would be interesting to see how social dynamics in other parts of the world get moulded by the American Dream and the American perspective of women empowerment. It is good to know just how much the teaching of the art of flirting and promiscuous lifestyle that is sold to the general public actually modify our social mores?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

Life on fast lane

My Generation (Documentary; 2017)


This documentary is mainly about the rise and demise of the British Invasion generation. It was the time after World War 2. Euphoria was everywhere. Clement Attlee and his Labour Party gave a shot in the arm for the working class people. NHS made medical services accessible to the average Joe. Education became free. The divide between the aristocrat and the common man soon became blurred. The class demarcation became a thing of the past. Everyone has the opportunity to prosper. Clothing became democratised. The normal sombre tone of the garments became strikingly loud and short. Dressing-up was no longer to cover the bare essentials and to keep warm but became a statement of anti-establishment.

As it became to generations to come, the generation before thought that the society was heading to a path of decadence and Armageddon was nay.

Music became an annoyance to the elders. Rock and roll music could not be contained by the powers that be. The youngsters, creative as they were, even got around the legal wrangle by transmitting them from a boat as Radio Caroline.

The popular music and their new-age gurus dictated what fashion is and what is haute couture. The introduction of contraceptive pills to the general public further empowered the younger generation and especially the girls, to come out of the cocoon of being treated as second-class citizens. The young ones dictated what they wanted and were not going to take the orders of the oldies lying down.

With music appreciation also came recreational drugs. This, in essence, can be said to be the cause of the downfall of the 60s generation. Addiction, overdose and death brought this flamboyant age to its self-destruction.

https://asok22.wixsite.com/real-lesson 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.