Runs deep?

It has happened many times before. It also feels like a ritual. Mother-to-be would have an ultrasound done. She would ask if the baby was okay. Once she knows everything is fine, she will pop up the next question. Is it a boy or a girl?

Talk about all the milestones that science has surpassed or the world has changed with social transformation and women's empowerment; it is pretty comical to see how the response usually is. It is by no means mutually exclusive, but it is seen in the majority.

If male genitalia is observed, the mother, the husband or the rest of the spectators, who would sometimes be her sister, mother or mother-in-law, would burst into laughter, which in my mind sounded like joy, not comedic. I even had a mother-in-law who went on to give a loud cheering clap. She must have been a cheerleader in her previous life.

Conversely, a similar atmosphere would not be observed if a girl is suspected. As if hoping for the opposite, one of the 'spectators' would blurt out that things would be more precise in future ultrasound examinations. Then another would go all philosophical to say that the gender did not matter; as long as both mother and baby were healthy, anything was alright. To me, that sounded like sour grapes.

I thought the local demographics brought these people to my attention, but a recent event changed my perception. Somehow, I landed up at a relative's baby shower celebration.

For the uninitiated, a baby shower is a public announcement of the impending arrival of the family's newest member. In the South Indian diaspora, at least, it is like a last hurrah for the mother-to-be to be feted before she is worn out with eye bags of sleepless nights and worry lines of uncertainties of baby demands. As it is usually done for first-time mothers, this is the last call to be dolled up for public display. Before this, she would have been the bride.

So, after the rituals of the elders and relatives blessing the soon-to-be mum, the highlight of the day started. A giant balloon filled with helium gas and confetti of a single colour and covered with a dark-coloured plastic bag is punctured. The confetti rushes out, denoting the newborn's gender as predicted by ultrasound. The gender had apparently been kept as a secret between the soon-to-be parents. Even the immediate family members were kept out of the loop.

When blue confetti burst out of the balloon, it would have been pink if it were a girl; everyone around me yielded a shriek of exhilaration. Some members were even seen congratulating the soon-to-be father for a job well done. The confusing thing is that the female members of the invitees were all smiles, belittling their own kind. It was not that the family did not have a shortage of boys or anything like that.

I wonder if they were excited it was a boy or if their secret prediction or betting proved correct. Even though outwardly they gave an impression that they were modern, from their sense of dressing and revealing of body contours and silhouette, did they subscribe to their idea that the firstborn must be a male? The traditional thinking is that men are born leaders, and the firstborn will ensure the continuity of the bloodlines. I wonder.

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Make or break!

Gauri

There it was, another family celebration and another tête-à-tête with my favourite uncle. Whilst the rest were immersed in their revelry, we were pretty engaged in our own private discourse - with him looking for someone to impart his 85-year old life experiences, and I, just listening and sometimes trying to tease more out of him. This time around, we discussed the role of the significant other in the family, among many things. This post is what transpired out of that.

They say that behind every man's success, there is a woman. Many are quick to quip that behind their every fall, there is another, the other woman. Women have the uncanny ability to create as well as to destroy.

With the biological assets that they are endowed with, they can create, nurture and sustain life with their tenacity and ever-embracing progestogenic demeanour, like a mother hen, able to hide her chicklings under my wings away from the prancing eagle. And they will protect their little ones with the last scratch of their claw from hissing predator snake.

Mahishasura Mardini.

They can choose what they want. They can be Gauri, the epitome of peace and happiness comparable to the bosom of a mother, the all-embracing embodiment of calmness and purity, depicted by the all-white attire and an equally composed vehicle, the saintly cow. As Gauri, she plays the role of peacemaker, a rock of hope and anchor to hold an institution steady to traverse the uncertainties of life.

When the situation warrants, she needs to assume the role of Mahishasura Mardini, the slayer of the buffalo demon, Mahishasura, who, with the boon of indestructibility, terrorised the Universe. She took this fiercest form of Durga, with the Trident of Siva, to bring equilibrium to the system.

It may appear that the illustrative embodiment of shakti, female power, can act unilaterally with no control without the need for its counterpart, the male energy, Shiva. Not really. Harmony is achieved with the inclusion of both powers. Notice that Shiva's representation appears in both Gauri and Durga form of the female divinity - Trident, to protect and attack. Unbridled power, it seems, is also counterproductive.

Kaali

Remember the instance of Kaali, intoxicated with the taste of blood and energy of invincibility, she was on a rampage. Only Shiva could pacify her. His prostration in her path subdued her. In embarrassment, she let her tongue out, more of an admission of mistake rather than an intimidating posture. This tongue-letting image is often depicted as that of fearsome Kaali. In reality, it is not.

It takes two to tango. Both parties have to nimble and agile to produce an eye-soothing display of this Spanish light-spirited variety of flamenco.

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Within a generation?

Zindagi inShorts (Hindi, 2020)
Netflix

This is a collection of seven short stories, just nice for light viewing and those with a short attention span. It covers a myriad of topics, with women empowerment taking centre stage. In the first episode titled 'Pinni', a housewife with exceptional culinary expertise is only appreciated for her cooking skills but not for anything else. She is just viewed as a doormat - it is there to serve a purpose, but there is no need to go fancy about it. She strikes back when her husband got no time to remember her birthday.

'Sleeping partner' narrates how a woman's role is miniaturised in a family. She rebels by expressing her sexual freedom. See how she hits back when her lover starts blackmailing her. The story touches on marital rape. 'Sunnyside Upar' cajoles us to live out the only life given to us to its fullest via the experience of a young doctor in a cancer ward. Bad things happen to good people. Just deal with it. 'Nano so phobia' brings on the plight of a lonely elderly Farsi lady who has had once too many times cried wolf to be taken seriously. 'Chhaju ke Dahi Bhalle' shows how culturally close people from Lahore and Amritsar are. Through a dating app, a Muslim girl links up with a Sikh boy. After the pleasantries, they decided to meet up at a popular eatery. After failing to meet up, they realised that they were on either side of the India-Pakistan border.

'Thappad' is a story of empowerment where an adolescent sister with her younger brother stands up against bullies. 'Swaha' is a comical rendition of an insecure husband and supposed two-timing or three-timing wife. 

It is all well and fine that more and more women are finding their places in societies. Rightly they prosper from the opportunities that were denied from them earlier due to changing societal mores. The problem is that the rebel yell for change may be happening much too rapid than it can be handled by society. It seems that the morphing of female assertations is too drastic for their counterpart and the rest of the family unit. Like a single hard slap on the face before they can realise what hit them, things have morphed within a single generation. From the demure social norms abiding mums, they have metamorphosised to groundbreaking boardroom-chairing giant figures waiting to change the world. 

Herein lies the friction. Biologically, both sexes have their respective roles in societies. They are meant to complement each other, not compete against one another. The union of the male and female forces are interdependent. The energies of Siva and Parvathi are best when working in unison. The unabated individual force would only lead to self-destruction.

Let us look at the family unit. It has become acceptable these days that it is perfectly normal for a family unit to be led by a single parent. This does not, however, concur with the findings of many social researchers. They have linked poor students' academic achievements, high incidences of delinquencies, substance abuses, teenage pregnancies and its ensuing problems to single parenthood. A proper father figure and motherly touch seem essential in wholesome parenting.

The dominant role of the male in the family system has eroded. The traditional role of a strong protector and provider has somehow evolved. They are expected to appear strong and confident only on the outside for a picture-perfect display for the public. Within the four walls, they are expected to be emotionally dependent and easily be wrapped around the strings of their apron. But then, apron neither denotes feminine nor docility. When a male does not embrace this arrangement, he is deemed to exhibit masculine toxicity. That is dealt with by cancelling!

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