#MenToo?

The pendulum has swung. Not too long ago, the members of the fairer sex had a raw deal. They were placed as second-class citizens. They were discriminated against, received less salary and failed to capture high-ranking posts. They were assumed to think with their heart, not their brain, more emotional and less rational. Social restrictions were imposed in the familial hierarchy. They had to play second fiddle to a father figure in the family unit. Even when it came to passport applications for children, the father's consent used to be mandatory, but the mother's. 

There was a time when having a 'Y' chromosome was synonymous with masculine toxicity. Activists screamed of discrimination. They quickly illustrated how far behind they were in achievements compared to the others. They demanded legislative changes to correct the inequality. It did not matter that many females were actually more interested in other delicate stuff like fitting into their gendered roles than sweating it out in the rat race. They tried to show their presence through their romantic, creative writings in the early years, followed by the satiety of feeling of a blowing breeze when they indulged in cycling, symbolic of feeling freedom.

With the availability of education and mobility, everyone thought equality and empowerment would be the natural sequelae. But not really! Just as we thought everyone would have their place in the sun, chunks of the population think we should go more conservative. The female populace takes it upon themselves to take a back seat. Some used ancient scriptures to stunt women's development. 

Not all laws initiated by society end up serving the real needs of the masses. The #MeToo movement has shown us this. In this day and age, all one has to do to defame and defile a male is to allege that he had touched her inappropriately or acted without her consent. The truth, whether the action was consensual or did actually happen, is immaterial. The intended damage will happen like clockwork. 

Atul Subash

When Cupid misfires, and love turns sour, the feuding couple will start hurling accusations against each other. In India, the estranged wife has multiple secret weapons to deploy. She can accuse him of dowry harassment, sexual misconduct and domestic violence.

The recent suicide of Atul Subash, a tech professional from Bengaluru, had too much to deal with during his divorce proceedings. He alleged that his wife kept adding false accusations against him to the umpteenth cases already there. He added that the legal system is against men in every way it turns. Even though women can earn and stand on their feet, the system still expects the husband to pay alimony. The wives scorned have mastered the art of using the law to entrap and bankrupt the husbands dry. Atul clearly mentioned these in a 40-page confession and 80-minute presentation just before he hung himself.

Even though everyone is equal in the eye of the law, it cannot be denied that it is sympathetic to expressive and emotive victimhood-displaying females. In the eye of the law, by default, the male gender is the aggressor. They do not see males as the silent sufferers or the abused. There is a need to have gender-neutral laws. As is quite apparent, there can be aggressors on either side of the fence; there are gentle males and combative females, too. And there are passive-aggressive ones, too. 

Ironically, a law created to defend the vulnerable had spinned on its own head. The vulnerable have mastered the nuances and loopholes of law that they have wrapped around their fingers to give the accused violators.

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Runs deep?

It has happened many times before. It also feels like a ritual. Mother-to-be would have an ultrasound done. She would ask if the baby was okay. Once she knows everything is fine, she will pop up the next question. Is it a boy or a girl?

Talk about all the milestones that science has surpassed or the world has changed with social transformation and women's empowerment; it is pretty comical to see how the response usually is. It is by no means mutually exclusive, but it is seen in the majority.

If male genitalia is observed, the mother, the husband or the rest of the spectators, who would sometimes be her sister, mother or mother-in-law, would burst into laughter, which in my mind sounded like joy, not comedic. I even had a mother-in-law who went on to give a loud cheering clap. She must have been a cheerleader in her previous life.

Conversely, a similar atmosphere would not be observed if a girl is suspected. As if hoping for the opposite, one of the 'spectators' would blurt out that things would be more precise in future ultrasound examinations. Then another would go all philosophical to say that the gender did not matter; as long as both mother and baby were healthy, anything was alright. To me, that sounded like sour grapes.

I thought the local demographics brought these people to my attention, but a recent event changed my perception. Somehow, I landed up at a relative's baby shower celebration.

For the uninitiated, a baby shower is a public announcement of the impending arrival of the family's newest member. In the South Indian diaspora, at least, it is like a last hurrah for the mother-to-be to be feted before she is worn out with eye bags of sleepless nights and worry lines of uncertainties of baby demands. As it is usually done for first-time mothers, this is the last call to be dolled up for public display. Before this, she would have been the bride.

So, after the rituals of the elders and relatives blessing the soon-to-be mum, the highlight of the day started. A giant balloon filled with helium gas and confetti of a single colour and covered with a dark-coloured plastic bag is punctured. The confetti rushes out, denoting the newborn's gender as predicted by ultrasound. The gender had apparently been kept as a secret between the soon-to-be parents. Even the immediate family members were kept out of the loop.

When blue confetti burst out of the balloon, it would have been pink if it were a girl; everyone around me yielded a shriek of exhilaration. Some members were even seen congratulating the soon-to-be father for a job well done. The confusing thing is that the female members of the invitees were all smiles, belittling their own kind. It was not that the family did not have a shortage of boys or anything like that.

I wonder if they were excited it was a boy or if their secret prediction or betting proved correct. Even though outwardly they gave an impression that they were modern, from their sense of dressing and revealing of body contours and silhouette, did they subscribe to their idea that the firstborn must be a male? The traditional thinking is that men are born leaders, and the firstborn will ensure the continuity of the bloodlines. I wonder.

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Just when we think it was safe to be amongst our kind!

The Handmaiden (Korean, 2016)
Director: Park Chan-wook

There was a time that it was a given that a lady would feel comfortable in the presence of another lady when she is facing a potentially embarrassing situation. A. male medical practitioner would be required by law when he is examining a female patient. Lady doctors are assumed not to assert their powers over their male patients. 

The ladies washroom was considered a safe space, and they thought they would be protected. When faced with untoward incidents, especially with a member of the opposite sex, ladies would find solace there. After watching numerous Hollywood high school movies, we know how mean girls can be. If they thought that powdering her nose in the company of those of their kind would ensure non-passage of judging looks on her anatomy, I have news for them. Females are their greatest critics.

The members of the fairer sex think they find security in the company of their kind by travelling in ladies-only coaches and parking their vehicles in pink car parks designated for ladies. It is a defeatist idea of women's empowerment. On one end, feminists scream for recognition and respect. On the other, they plead for protection and padding of their falls. In my books, respect is gained through actions, not legislation or helicoptering.

We forget that Korean movies had a healthy life long before the Academy Awards introduced 'Parasite' to the world. And Koreans make more than lovey-dovey soap operas about lost love. Many of their stories are pretty different, and they dare to venture into territories considered taboo by most Asians.

'Handmaiden' is based on the 2002 novel 'Fingersmith' by Welsh writer Sarah Waters. It was set during the Victorian era. This movie's setting is altered to a time when Japan occupied Korea following the Russo-Japanese War. A pair of fraudsters,  Koreans from the lowest rung of war-stricken Korea. They make an elaborate plan to swindle a Japanese heiress. A con man hires a lady pickpocket as a maid to the heiress. The idea is to marry the heiress, get her committed to a mental asylum and abscond with her money.

Things take a turn. The story of the three characters is told from three points of view and ends with a twist at the end. 

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