When are we happy?

Three of Us (2022)
Director: Avinash Arun Dhaware

Memory changes with time, but time is independent of memory. Time, a construct of man, moves on as our Universe expands toward entropy, with or without our existence. The memory we hold so dear to our hearts has become our badge of honour as we traverse through life. Our memories of life are our crowning glory. In our minds, as far as our life is concerned, time fits into the concept of Sasa and Zamani as described by JS Mbiti as an African concept of time. 

Sasa covers a time already experienced and an extremely brief future. Our Sasa, the memory of the past, becomes more significant as we spend more time on Earth. It goes on as long as we, as an individual or a community, can remember an event or someone. After that, Sasa goes into Zamani, the graveyard of time where everything ends. The memory of loved ones and ancestors lives on in Sasa as they are reminded of them through regular rituals and anniversaries.

Hence, in African philosophy, there is no concept of the future. We live in the past as far as memory takes and the immediate near-future in front of us. The idea of a distant future, of an afterlife, is alien.

The past is nothing but the human mind as it remembers, the present is nothing but the human mind as it considers, and the future is the human mind in expectation.

At the end of time, we take a bow with the memories of everything we have experienced, endeavoured, and achieved in our lifetimes. This must be our parting gift as we wither away into the horizon, soon out of sight and eventually out of our memory. 

Losing our memory before our time is out can be devastating. By right, the physical body would wither away long before the thinking faculty fizzles out. Occasionally, our insight goes kaput. That is a problem, not for us, but for people around us as we misbehave in situations around us. But to count the days knowing very well that all that we understand and all the memories we have built in our memory cloud will be erased incrementally in the imminent future can be nerve-wracking. This film is the story of one such lady who is diagnosed with early-onset dementia. 

After learning about her medical condition and probably taking early retirement from her job at a divorce court, she decides to return to the town she grew up. She had been putting off her plans to return for a long time. After getting embroiled in family life and work and bringing up her son, who is now 19, in engineering school.

Maybe because her doctors are unable to tell her how fast her memory would go blank, she has a compelling need to revisit the home where she grew up. Her family had left the house in a sudden after a family tragedy. She never really had a proper farewell from her friends and had lost contact. 

Shailaja's intentions of returning to her roost are to reinforce her good memories of her school days, to reconnect with her schoolmates, and to revisit her family home. Her husband follows her on her week-long trip. She wanted to reinforce these memories before they faded for good.

Like an onion, layer by layer, her backstory comes to the fore; of her sister who had an accidental drowning at the family well, her secondary school romantic crush and the little memories here and there which did not mean much then, but looks like a gem now, lost forever. 

The whole presentation is laid out in a well-composed, slow-moving, mature pace without much masala or melodrama. The men (husband and childhood friend) are civil, and so are the childhood friend's wife and the rest of the occupants of her village.

We all look at our past and go under the false impression that our earlier life had been so fine. We lament the good old days forever and wish to turn back the clock. Boy, do I have news? Only when we go back and relive the life we once had do we realise that life was never a walk in the park at any time. We had our struggles and our lows. It is just that our mind prunes off all those unpleasant experiences. We are never happy!

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Fighting the system?

Lipstick Under My Burkha (2016)

Director: Alankrita Shrivastava

This is one of those movies which could not be screened at a film festival in India because the censors could not clear it for public screening. I was later accused of being too 'female-centric' and pornographic in its audio and visual narration. After a few cuts, it was passed for viewing.

The fact of the matter is that they cannot be too kosher when the theme of the story is about female sexuality and its suppression thereof. To be frank, this 2016 film is mild compared to what people in 2023 can access on their streamed platforms in their dialogue and boldness in showing skin.

On the subject matter, one cannot help but compare it to 2023'sAmazon Prime's 'Four More Shots'. Both may appear to be talking about women's empowerment or feminism. At deep scrutiny, one will realise that the emphasis is different, poles apart. It also shows how the women's movement had evolved from one demanding their deserved rights to equal opportunities to one which wanted to dominate the other.

'Lipstick Under The Burkha' shows how ladies of a time screamed discrimination and yearned not to be pushed down from doing their own thing. It tells the story of four ladies who want to escape social oppression. A teenage girl from a conservative Muslim family dreams of a carefree life where she dresses up like her pop idol, Miley Cyrus - dressed sexily, with makeup and accessories that go with it. Forced to don a hijab and spend time in the family business of tailoring, she wants to participate in a band, wear sexy clothes and join the popular clique of students. To sustain her secret lifestyle, she goes shoplifting.

Next, a hijab-clad housewife is living a fearful life with a hostile husband who wants sex on demand and refuses contraception. The husband hardly brings home money but rejects the idea of his wife going to work. The wife, on the sly, works as a door-to-door salesgirl and a very good one at that. She even wins the best employee award. One day, she spots her husband in the romantic company of a young lady.

The small-time beauty parlour artist wants to be able to see the world. She desires to escape the rat hole she lives in. She lost her father at a young age, and her mother worked hard to sustain life. Her mother wants to get married as marriage assures her a respectable place in society. She knows because she went through hell trying to earn some money. The mother tries to matchmaker a groom. The groom wants to make her a full-time housewife, but the girl has a sizzling affair with a photographer who is only interested in her body. They plan to elope.

The final character is a 55-year-old spinster who is a respectable figure in her colony. She plays a matriarchal figure in handling day-to-day issues. Her secret indulgence is reading trashy romance novels. While babysitting some children at a pool, she is tricked into jumping into the pool. The children's swimming instructor offers her swimming lessons because she cannot swim. She develops a crush and starts stalking the instructor, engaging in phone sex. The instructor has soft spots for another girl and assumes the caller is the girl he fancies.

All the clandestine activities finally come out into the open - the shoplifting, the part-time job, the plan to elope and the double life of the 55-year-old spinster. The ending is not pleasant, highlighting the double standards of society. It is predominantly patriarchal and cultural as well as religious teaching just gives an authoritative seal of approval for it to continue. 

On the other hand, 'Four More Shots Please!' (FMSP) gives the vibe that its message could be anti-establishment, anti-patriarchal or downright anarchical. The four ladies again, seen in FMSP, range from a divorcee, one in the marriage market for a suitable match, a free-spirited bisexual, to a lawyer who all share a common bond. They enjoy meeting up in a drinking joint, overindulging and pouring out their hearts' discontent about life with no restraint. It is said to be India's answer to the U.S.' Sex in the City' (SITC). LUMB and SITC try to educate their viewers about an entity called female sexuality or the lack of its awareness in India (in the case of LUMB). In my view, FMSP portrays all males as shallow and evil. They paint a picture of Indian ladies swimming in a cesspool of male toxicity. To be able to stay afloat, they need to fight the patriarchal society, the system and fellow members who are immersed in the system.

Hindu temple in Lahore

Even under slavery or apartheid, people were not in unison supporting the status quo. Pockets of dissent were heard from people who were victims as well as those who benefitted or were not involved in it. One should assume that if the other party is not one of them, they must be against them. Jews would not have escaped Germany. Pakistani Hindus are still able to fulfil their Vedic requirements despite the presence of an intensely hostile environment against idolatry there! It is the system, not the people. But then, people make the system and can be herded to change their thinking, which could change the status quo.

N.B. Why is the lipstick generally red? It is postulated that sexual arousal increases blood perfusion to the lips. In fair-skinned females, lips assume a redder hue. Hence, the application of red lipstick entices the observer to see what is in store!

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A bold move?

A Summer Place (1959)
Director: Dalmer Daves

This must be a bold movie when it was made in the late 50s, talking about infidelity, teenage promiscuity, behaviour and sex. With all the restrictions on American movies' code of conduct, they pulled this out.

The movie starts with a summer vacation mansion that has seen better days. It is run by a husband-and-wife team (Bart and Sylvia). The husband is an obvious dipsomaniac, and the wife is apparently uncontended with life. They have a soon-to-go-to-high school son (Johnny, acted by teenage heartthrob Troy Donahue). Business is barely sustainable as the husband, who inherited it from his father, is more interested in keeping himself inebriated. 

In comes a millionaire with his wife (Ken and Helen) and teenage daughter (Molly, acted by Sandra Dee, typically typecasted as an ingénue, simple girl) to stay for the next three months. The juicy story behind it is that the businessman used to work as a lowly lifeguard there and had sought greener pastures when Sylvia rejected his love advances. 

Ken and Helen also have an unhappy marriage, with Helen being the uppity urbane female with class consciousness and a stickler for rules). Helen is the strict parent who controls Molly's every attire and behaviour, while Ken is the chill parent.

Ken rekindles his affair with Sylvia. Their nightly secret rendezvous came to Helen's knowledge. Johnny and Molly, with their raging teenage hormones, see Cupid shooting arrows. 

The story becomes twisted as Ken and Sylvia divorce their spouses, and the step-siblings discover their sexuality.

Even though the acting (except for Helen, played by Constance Ford), the dialogue and its delivery leave much to be desired, the music score by Max Steiner turned out to be evergreen.

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Father of the bride's headache!

Good evening. A warm welcome to everyone here. A special welcome to Raphael and Maggie. Selamat datang to the rest and Marc’s family and friends. I guess Marc’s family and friends are no longer Marc’s alone. They are ours, too. Accept our humble salutations. 

In the Indian tradition, more often than not, they want their firstborn to be a male. Back in the 90s, when Divya was born, friends would give unsolicited advice. “It’s ok. The next one will definitely be a boy.” - as if we asked for an opinion, as if they knew, as if we cared. Then Tania was born, and they again gave a sigh. 

And again, as if we asked. Rinse and repeat. That is until Keshav and Danny rolled along.

30 years on, I can stand proud and say they have done well in their own right. 

Many years ago, my friend was getting married. As the main event was over, he saw his father-in-law give a sigh of relief, caressing his chest. He was heard telling his friend, “Ahh, my big headache is over!”  

My friend only understood what he meant 10 years after being married to his father-in-law’s headache. 

We would like to believe it’s our loss and Marc’s gain… of a headache. 

Marc and Divya, jokes aside, you are stepping into a new phase of life. We all just want to wish both of you clear skies and sunny days ahead. There will be rainy days ahead, but don’t fret about it; try singing and dancing in the rain instead. From what I see in Indian movies,
it must be fun. 

Good luck in your future endeavours. 

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Small window of opportunity!

101 Albums You Need To Hear Before I Die (2023)
Author: Martin Vengadesan


There used to be a time, back in the 90s, when I used to wait eagerly for the weekly entertainment pullout from a mainstream newspaper. Martin Vengadesan’s fortnightly article on rock and roll music and juicy titbits behind the people and bands that hit the charts and excited music enthusiasts are a sure pull factor. Infused in the writings was his apparent political leanings towards the left.

It must have had quite a following as the column went on for quite a while. Then, out of sight and out of mind. I went on to do other things in life and just remembered all about the articles when I met the author a few years ago in a reading group.

Who better person to narrate the juicy little backstories behind the singers and bands of generations that passed? This must be the quintessential go-to book to remind us and travel us back to the era when music was religion, politics, freedom, empowerment and expression. Now, it is consumerism, exhibitionism and short-lived.

Going through the various doyens over the years in the book, from the blues singers of Neesie Smith and BB King to the 60s heartthrobs of Bob Dylan, Beatles and Doors to heavy metal heavyweights of Deep Purple, Uriah Heep and Led Zeppelin, one thing seems to be a recurrent theme.

With the author

Flashes of brilliance only manifest occasionally. Good times do not last forever. Happy hours come with a closing time. In the correct ambience, with the right company of similar-minded lunatics, magic can materialise. The radiance has a window period. Within that short chance of opportunity, one has to churn out materials that would define his legacy.

With success, attention and the intoxicating lure of being in the limelight, the drive to stay on top of the game intensifies. In trickles in intoxicants and stimulants to numb the pain and stir creativity, respectively. The result is always the same: the higher the rise, the harder the fall.

On a personal note, I would vouch for a similar experience. At that time, of course, with the raging endorphins and stupor of self-satisfaction, I thought good times would never end. It is funny how man never learns from history. In hindsight, everybody is Ramanujam, and the hindsight vision is 20/20. We had a good thing going. We scaled hills, scurried through foreign country sides and were the envy of many. We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. Who would have thought a minuscule of a wrong step would have brought the whole house of cards crumbling down? We were all too blind to see.

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A platonic marriage?

Kathal: The Core (Malayalam; 2023)

Director: Jeo Baby

In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage. Four couples were chosen to have their wedding broadcast on TV. One of the couples was Hèléna Faasen and Anne-Marie Thus. Like a flock of seagulls to the shoreline in summer, journalists worldwide made a bee dive for it. One interesting point that a Chilean journalist was heard telling the world was that the lesbian couple was so ordinary. He had expected them to exhibit in full glory iconography of their sexuality, smut or menageries sexual of nature.

Well, I think that is the problem. Hollywood and our society always stereotype members of the LGBTQI community as sex-crazed people engaged in sex orgies all around the clock. It is forgotten that they also yearn for the same things in life as others: peace of mind, security and knowing what tomorrow may bring. Being gay is more than about sex. 

This Malayalam movie is one of the rare ones, especially coming from a traditionally conservative society, on same-sex relationships. The topic is dealt with civilly without much melodrama and commotion. The character is supposed to be engaged in a gay relationship and does not exhibit the typical effeminate behaviour either. 

Mathew is a respected independent party member who had been nominated as a candidate for a by-election. That is when his wife drops a bombshell. After 20 years of marriage and a 19-year-old daughter, his wife, Omana, files for divorce. In a calm, composed manner, the viewers are slowly told of the issues at hand. 

Even before marriage, Mathew knew that he was gay. He had a partner in the same village. Upon Mathew's father's persuasion, threats and belief that the age-old adage that marriage would solve everything, Mathew is arm-twisted to tie the matrimonial knot. 

Life just dragged on with the matrimonial staying cold except for the mandatory one child. Beyond that, both husband and wife just performed their worldly duties, like Omana caring for the children's upbringing, running the household and managing the ailing Mathew's father and Mathew performing his fatherly duties.

Maybe it was the decriminalisation of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code in 1998 many people surrounding queer people got a relief to live their lives. 

Omana decided to get a life for herself and let Mathew live his. The difference in the presentation is how compassionate everyone is to each other's feelings. There is no animosity or overt display of discontent or anger. Everyone seems to accept things as they are. Mathew is not shown as a sex-crazed homosexual. His former partner is just an innocent bystander watching things as they unfold.

Quite unbelievable to happen in real life. I do not think society, especially an Asiatic one, is accepting enough to value a person by his worth and work alone. Other associated features linked to his birth, family, religion and wealth take precedence. Anyone with a different sex orientation or preference, whether they like it or not, has to live a dual existence. They live in a lie with a loveless marriage.

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Between the prince and the pauper!

Saltburn (2023)
Written & Directed: Emerald Fennel

Growing up, we were engrained into our psyche as if being rich was sinful. The bedtime stories and the fables that were fed to us always put the rich guys as the bad ones. The poor guy will always come out tops with their ‘good virtues’. Stories will invariably end with the rich guys repenting or giving all their wealth to charity, which will put them on a pedestal.

The miser is a villain. The King who gives all his wealth is good, and the one who is a spendthrift is bad. The vagabond who gets thrashed around will have a good life. The underdog will prevail in the end.

We were taught that being poor is favourable and being ambitious is not favourable. We should have a humble and simple life. Wealth is meant to be divided. An individual should not keep too much wealth. Hey, does this not smell of communism?

Now, in its own quite bizarre way, this film is telling us what we were taught is all bunkum. Of course, we knew it all the while. Rich people are not trustworthy just as much as poor people are not. There are good people and bad people in both arms of the economic spectrum. The simplistic view that people of humble backgrounds are more trustworthy is simply wrong.

The film is in England at Oxford University, where Olie, an awkward but intelligent from a humble background, starts his stories with a scholarship. He meets an aristocratic boy, Felix, who is such a star that all the cool kids want to be around him.

The apparently shy Olie is seen slowly transforming into a conniving planner and provocateur into slowly befriending Felix. His sob stories (like the one about his dysfunctional family and his death) melt Felix’s heart. Olie is invited to spend the summer in Felix’s family estate, Saltburn. There, through his scandalous methods, he eventually comes to eliminate each of Felix’s family.

In our day-to-day living, many tell white lies to shorten conversations or to prevent personal embarrassment. Most of us will take what people say at face value and not dwell too much on its truth. They are mere fillers in our daily dealings.

We only realise that we have been taken for a spin after the effect. But then, we would just move on. Life is too complex to carry all that suspicion over people. We would turn up like a Scrooge, just persistently grouchy, carrying a frown and generally fed up with the world, making life a living hell for ourselves and others. We cannot be overcautious, neither can we let our shields be consistently down and vulnerable.

How often have we found ourselves in situations like these - where we, after reaching a certain place of comfort in life, want to pay back to society. Call it altruism or call it ‘rag to riches’ guilt for leaving others behind, we have gone out our ways to reach out to the less fortunate. Instead of receiving tokens of appreciation, we received a lesson in how not to be so naive. Scores of stories can be told of deceit, lies and double-crosses. It may be their way of leaping forward to greater heights by feeding on others’ gullibility. We are their ticket to their glitz.

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