A veiled glance?

Laapataa Ladies (Missing Ladies; Hindi; 2024)

Director: Kiran Rao

At first glance, I thought it would be an Indian culture-bashing offering—one that ridicules some out-of-date traditional practices and tries to showcase how ridiculous India really is. Perhaps it would also include a couple of corrupt policemen on the side to drive home the point. I was wrong. It turned out to be a simple story about women empowerment, told in a simple manner and mainly using new faces, minus the glitz and razzmatazz typically associated with Bollywood.

It starts with two newly wedded couples travelling in the same train compartment. As per practice in the conservative societies of the Hindi heartland, brides are expected to wear full veils to show chastity. The funny thing is that both brides donned the same saree colour and had about the same body constitution. Hence, in the dead of the night, in the confusion of almost missing the train station, Deepak alights the train sleepily with the wrong bride, Jaya. Deepak's wife, Phool, gets down a few stations later with the other groom.

Both couples soon realise they have the wrong girl. Phool refuses to leave the railway station till her husband comes looking for her. The long arm of the law takes a long time to rectify the confusion. The interim period shows us that Jaya really has something up her sleeves or, rather, under her ghunghat (veil). Phool undergoes a baptism of fire to realise she is more than a helping hand to her new family and that she can stand on her own feet.

After much confusion caused by Phool's ignorance and Jaya's conniving ways, Phool and Deepak reunite. Jaya's dream comes true. Happy ending.

The practice of brides and married women wearing a ghunghat (traditional veil) tickled my mind. Many societies view it as a portrayal of chastity. In reality, it is nothing like that. 

In ancient India, during the times of Muslim invaders, the Muslim victors would often go on a victory lap, rewarding themselves. As per their religious scriptures, the Muslim soldiers are entitled to keep the captured women as sex slaves. Imagine Hindu women running away from their invaders, chasing them on horseback. Wearing a veil must be a sure way to hide their Hinduness, hence escape captivity. I think, over time, the veil became a saving grace and soon got imbibed as a daily wear. Soon, it was imposed on women to safeguard themselves and be viewed as a sign of purity. Temple-going ladies, too, follow this practice to show reverence. To prove my point, we do not see this, i.e. ladies scarfing their heads in temples, in lands not conquered by Muslims like Tamil Nadu. Food for thought.

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Bitter pill to swallow!

Aftershock (2022)
Director, Producer: Paula Eiselt and Tonya Lewis

In the 70s, active labour management was the craze in the Obstetrics circle, especially amongst the countries that looked at the UK as their point of reference. This kind of treatment was first tried out at the Royal Dublin Hospital, promising short labours, lower caesarean section rates and safer outcomes. It soon became the golden standard of managing parturient mothers in most labour rooms.

There had been debates on whether Dublin's figures and definition of labour were only agreeable to some. Many argued that the system tends to over-medicalise something quite natural that people have been doing for aeons. Medical intervention tends to involve surgical intervention, it is alleged. Unfortunately, with eyes constantly scrutinising for clues to stir dirt when a medical outcome is not to their liking, medical practitioners tend to practice defensive medicine. Better be safe than be bogged by handling complications, a battery of legal suits and the threat of being struck off the register.

An often overlooked and unmentioned fact about Dublin's 'active management' is that mothers had a named midwife with them, i.e. a midwife who sees her during pregnancy and through her labour. Labouring mothers are at ease with a familiar face besides their partner. It is said to allay anxiety and generally gives a feeling of achievement. This is why many opt, in the West, at least, for homebirths or at birthing centres.

This documentary is about two maternal deaths which occurred within a short span of time within a locality. In October 2019, a 30-year-old, Shamony Gibson, died two weeks after her delivery of pulmonary embolism. The family allege that her initial symptom of breathlessness during pregnancy and after delivery was trivialised. In the second case, in April 2020, Amber Rose Isaac had to be induced for worsening liver functions and low platelet (HELLP syndrome). She had to undergo an emergency Caesarean Section. Unfortunately, she died on the operating table with extensive haemorrhage. The family was unhappy that the staff were late detecting her medical condition.

One might say it is a medical misadventure. In this time and age, people unfortunately still die during childbirth. Somehow, the BLM (Black Lives Matter) movement needled its head to push for the family to rally to demand justice. They find a disproportionately high number of Black women are failed by the US maternal system. After infiltrating every nook of society, the BLM movement and their leftist friend have something else to stir true.

The widowers of Gibson and Rose Isaac form a strong bond and rally to highlight their plight through rallies. They seek systemic change in the medical system and legislation to ensure proper care.

[PS. One thing often overlooked is that the population is marred with the problem of obesity. Obesity carries high morbidity in any medical condition or intervention. Pregnancy, when the body is in a hypercoagulable state, brings forth even more danger. No medical practitioner worth his salt will ever talk about this to a plus-sized patient for fear of being accused of body shaming.]

[PSS. As medical services become more expensive, compounded by the fear-mongering drive of the pharmaceutical and allied industries. In this increasingly litigious climate, when over-investigation is necessary, medical services are at risk of being exclusive to the rich. The WHO's cry for primary medical attention as a human right remains, at best, can be only given at the bare minimum. Restricting expensive treatment to the deservingly ill but can ill afford is the bitter pill to swallow. Sadly the patients who need the therapy most are those not financially able to pay. The bow has to break somewhere]

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The story behind the unkindest cut!

Lorena (4-part Documentary, 2019)
Amazon Prime.

All this while, Bobbitt' case, in my mind, was about slicing off a part of body-part quite dear to the heart of a man by a wife scorned. More often than not, Bobbitt's name is invoked in jocular, tongue-in-cheek conversations rather than anything serious. The truth of the matter is that this case bares open the hypocrisy of a society that considers itself advanced. It also exposes the nation's fixation on sex and how the community uses people's misery for personal gain.  It reveals the various deficiencies in the American law about domestic violence and women empowerment.

At that time in June 1993, when Lorena Bobbitt, a 23-year-old Ecuadorian immigrant, in an apparent fit of rage, sliced off her husband's penis and threw it into a field, I never really got the whole picture of what actually caused the entire fiasco. The media was also biased in painting a picture of a deranged woman of South American descent acting in an un-American way rather than the drama surrounding the whole debacle.

Lorena came to the USA with a student visa, met John Wayne Bobbitt, a US Marine, and got married. She was 20, he, 22. Just a few weeks into their marriage, John Wayne started becoming abusive towards his timid wife. There were even accusations of marital rape and bodily harm. John had left the Marines, and Lorena was the sole breadwinner, working as a nail salon artiste. The torture went on, with multiple police reports and counselling until the fateful day.

John had come home drunk. He forced himself upon her and performed anal sex against her wishes. She sliced his organ with an 8-inch kitchen knife after the act.

After much real-life medical drama, John's organ was successfully reattached.

All the media excitement started after that. Some women's rights activists thought the incident could lead to more awareness of domestic violence. Instead, the case became a tabloid sensation and fodder for comedians. Media publicists represented both parties. TV coverage was a rage. Even small-time entrepreneurs in Manassas, Virginia, made a killing selling memorabilia and T-shirts. Manassas, a sleepy satellite town to Washington DC, became alive with reporters.

One person's misery is another person's 

source of income. T-shirts bearing this

wordings were found sold outside

 the courthouse of Bobbitt's trial.

The Bobbitts were subjected to two trials. The first one was the accusation of marital rape. Because of the technicalities of law in the State of Virginia, John was acquitted. In the second case of Lorena's assault on John, things became complicated. It became a case of 'he says' versus 'she says' as John denied being physically abusive but instead accused Lorena of being the aggressor. Luckily, the previous police intervention and John's friends and neighbours' admission of seeing his darker side helped. 

The jury had a tough time deciding whether Lorena's assault was pre-meditated or due to temporary insanity, as there was a lapse between the abuse and the assault. Finally, the jury agreed that an irresistible impulse occurred after years of abuse and pent-up anger. She escaped imprisonment but spent 45 days in a hospital for mental assessment.

Both the Bobbitts' lives followed different trajectories. Lorena stayed on, became an American citizen, had a child with a new partner in 2006 and became a sort of a feminine icon against domestic abuse. She runs a charity organisation that creates awareness of domestic violence. John, however, spiralled down the rabbit hole of decadence. He became a porn star, got a disastrous penile extension and had a few brushes with the law for battery and theft. Despite all the publicity stunts and job opportunities, he became bankrupt.

Abducted, raped, burnt and
dumped into a pond by
a British police officer
in March 2021.

Whatever was said and done, the people who had the last laugh were the media people. They used the whole imbroglio to their advantage, laughing all the way to the bank. Despite all the ugly prejudices that this case highlighted to the world, almost 30 years on, the world is still fighting the same issues about gender equality, spousal abuse and media frenzy about bedroom issues.

(PS. Isn't it funny that the media is quick to highlight and discredit Eastern cultures when it comes to women empowerment and societal discrimination against ladies? The recent turn of events in the UK has shown that even women there are vulnerable to random killings by unknown assailants for no apparent reason. Women in the USA are not far behind living in fear of domestic violence and brutal beatings.)

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Cannot have the cake and eat it?

Now that I am getting older, naturally, people think that the School of Hard Knocks would have knocked some wisdom in the thick skull of mine, and they approach me for advice.

One of the questions asked to him in my capacity as 'Dear Thelma' or 'Auntie Agony' is about an interpersonal relationship. Why is it difficult to achieve life ambitions? I have so many things that I want to attain in my lifetime, but family life is pulling me down. My partner does not share the same fire that I breathe. The offsprings wear me down, dragging me together into a cesspool of hopelessness. Is there no relief from all these, they ask me. 

I am no self-help guru by any imagination, so I try to dodge the question. "You know that is a very profound question. Philosophers for aeons have been trying to find that answer." 

In fact, during Adi Sankara's travels from Kerala to the four corners of India, he had various debates with sages of other schools of philosophy. Adi Shankara, who hails from the School of Non-Dualism (Advaitha Vedantha), liked to engage in intellectual discourses wherever he went. In one such travel, he had the privilege of debating with Vandana Mishra, a proponent of the ritualistic part of Veda (Purva Mimamsa School of Hindu Philosophy, and his wife, Ubhaya Bharathi in Mahismati, Bihar or maybe Madhya Pradesh. 

They had protracted month-long discussions about the superiority of knowledge over rituals in gaining an understanding of life. Shankara also believed that to understand life and attain liberation, one must be celibate, whereas Mandana and Ubhaya felt householder duties (i.e. conjugal obligations) needed to be also performed. Rituals can bring forth bliss.

Six Systems of Indian Philosophy 

Ubhaya was the Sankara's choice of the umpire in their debates. When her husband was defeated, she continued debating. Even though she started asking about sensual pleasure sensations and emotional intimacies, the brahmachari still managed to reply via his yogic powers. Both Mandana and Ubhaya became Shankara's followers.

It was agreed not everyone can attain moksha by leading a hermit's life. It only works for some. The others have to go through the whole gamut of trappings of life, its up and down, and to set motion the circle of life.

See around us. Some sacrifice certain pleasures to achieve other ambitions. As Peter's Principle dictates, we can scale only as high as our incompetence. We should know our limits. We cannot eat the cake and still enjoy staring at it.

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