Cannot have the cake and eat it?

Now that I am getting older, naturally, people think that the School of Hard Knocks would have knocked some wisdom in the thick skull of mine, and they approach me for advice.

One of the questions asked to him in my capacity as 'Dear Thelma' or 'Auntie Agony' is about an interpersonal relationship. Why is it difficult to achieve life ambitions? I have so many things that I want to attain in my lifetime, but family life is pulling me down. My partner does not share the same fire that I breathe. The offsprings wear me down, dragging me together into a cesspool of hopelessness. Is there no relief from all these, they ask me. 

I am no self-help guru by any imagination, so I try to dodge the question. "You know that is a very profound question. Philosophers for aeons have been trying to find that answer." 

In fact, during Adi Sankara's travels from Kerala to the four corners of India, he had various debates with sages of other schools of philosophy. Adi Shankara, who hails from the School of Non-Dualism (Advaitha Vedantha), liked to engage in intellectual discourses wherever he went. In one such travel, he had the privilege of debating with Vandana Mishra, a proponent of the ritualistic part of Veda (Purva Mimamsa School of Hindu Philosophy, and his wife, Ubhaya Bharathi in Mahismati, Bihar or maybe Madhya Pradesh. 

They had protracted month-long discussions about the superiority of knowledge over rituals in gaining an understanding of life. Shankara also believed that to understand life and attain liberation, one must be celibate, whereas Mandana and Ubhaya felt householder duties (i.e. conjugal obligations) needed to be also performed. Rituals can bring forth bliss.

Six Systems of Indian Philosophy 

Ubhaya was the Sankara's choice of the umpire in their debates. When her husband was defeated, she continued debating. Even though she started asking about sensual pleasure sensations and emotional intimacies, the brahmachari still managed to reply via his yogic powers. Both Mandana and Ubhaya became Shankara's followers.

It was agreed not everyone can attain moksha by leading a hermit's life. It only works for some. The others have to go through the whole gamut of trappings of life, its up and down, and to set motion the circle of life.

See around us. Some sacrifice certain pleasures to achieve other ambitions. As Peter's Principle dictates, we can scale only as high as our incompetence. We should know our limits. We cannot eat the cake and still enjoy staring at it.

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