Learn to agree to disagree!

President Thomas Jefferson, left, and his predecessor,
President John Adams. (Feuding Fathers)
Getty Images

At this time of one's life (stepping into the seventh decade of existence), one often wonders about all the people who made their appearances all along my life. Some of theirs were short and sweet. Some left with a sour aftertaste. Some got lost in the annals of times. Occasionally, I had people who took everything wrongly and left anything but amicably. One did not like the sight of me and had nothing nice to say about me. Well, what can I say but that the feeling was mutual.

Recently, I read about the friendship between the two Founding Fathers of the United States of America. They were not really best friends. They had a big job to do for a greater cause. They looked at things from different perspectives; both felt compelled to defend their conviction until the end. Towards that end, they argued ferociously and wrote stinging letters to each other but all the time, acquiring brickbats and respect simultaneously.

After the British were sent packing from the 13 colonies of the New World, the new nation had to decide how to run its country. Would they want tight central control like the British had before Independence? They realised every colony had its own need, and to have one vision for the whole nation would be disastrous. It was like the British all over again. The other side was modelling a country with Republic principles after Rome.

The Independence Declaration was no divine decree. For a long time, the founding could not agree upon its execution. Adams believed in a strong central government, whereas Jefferson championed states' rights. They competed against each other for Presidentship after Washington refused to hold the post for a third term. Adams became the second President of the USA. He offered Jefferson the post of Vice President, but Jefferson declined. The subsequent election was won by Jefferson, leaving Adams bitter.

The duo refused to communicate with each other for 12 years till a fellow Declaration signer, Benjamin Rush, made them write to each other. They vehemently argued the merits of their convictions via more than the 185 letters that they wrote to each other. Each did not want the other to outdo them. Coincidentally, they died four hours apart on July 4th, Independence Day. A sweet end to two men who gave much of their lives to the foundation of America.

Closer to home, I recall another intense discussion panel that my friends and I used to attend. It was an adrenaline-rushing, temper-flaring, emotionally charging discussion on life and its meaning. We learned many things from each other that no teacher or school could teach. All that came to zilch because of some other unrelated miscommunication. Now, we are all left groping in the dark again, finding our own answers alone through our own follies.

Rashomon: The Truth Is Often Mutable And Ambivalent

We should learn that opinions vary. We should learn to agree to disagree. The truth is an elusive shadowplay. As Rashomon tells us, the truth has many forms. All can be right.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

But, that is not real way...

Now how often have we heard people sitting high up and looking down saying, "yeah but they is the real way of doing it! They are not doing it right. There are specific ways of doing it. The Truth is all there in the scriptures!"
Yes and yet no religion is not guilty of it.
The animals are supposed to be respected and are said to be also creations of the Almighty but the way they are abused, culled and hunted, it appears like their sole purpose of existence is to be eaten, hunted and be bullied. They say that their religious way of justice is God sent and is cast on stone. If you look around, their justice is made to look so disconnected from the train of thought of contemporary man. If you do not have a living example to follow, how can you proclaim that your system is the best. We need a sign. We need a living proof of superiority of the merchandise that you are trying to sell us!
Your religious leaders allow atrocities to be carried out on fellow citizens. Yet they advise middle path as the best way to reach Enlightenment. Even your saffron robed holy men partake in these atrocities in the name of justice. Others of the same faith, however, admonish their actions by saying that their brand of seeking the truth is deviant.
You say God works in mysterious ways but yet you take it upon yourself that you must do His work on Earth. And you self appointed yourself as the chosen one.
You say everyone is sent to Earth for a specific reason but how do you know that what you doing IS the reason you are sent for? Perhaps, you still have not found you are looking for.
You think you know everything and you know are right but what if, just what if, you were wrong all the time? You cannot undo what you did to them, can you?
Are you trying to show your might as might just might be right and buries the rest?
Since we are all groping around trying to understand the things that surround us, why you give peace a chance? Maybe when the storm had cleared, you can see clearly then...
You do not want yesterday once more.

Trial by social media

Not many are aware, maybe the Facebook generation would, (as they find immense joy and comfort in communicating through Facebook rather than face-to-face!) of a cyber discussion, justification and counter justification between a grieving wife and an husband who has been labelled aggressor.
This young couple (guy early 20s, girl 19 years) have not seeing eye to eye quite some time now. Saga of their unhappy suddenly surfaced one day when the wife decided to showcase the closed circuit TV recording of their domestic violence, which happened in her boutique, on You-Tube. The response from the netizens was viral. Sympathisers poured in their support behind the wife who was also 2 months' pregnant. The husband was criticised left, right, centre, sideways and back.
The following day, the beleaguered young man responded with his side of the story to 'justify' his violent behaviour. As with most marital disharmony, there is no right or wrong answer. The truth must be somewhere in the centre as the couple have to find common grounds to find solace.
http://mydestiny2011.com/2012/09/05/why-i-beat-up-my-wife-man-at-centre-of-cctv-assault-case-tells-his-story/
http://mydestiny2011.com/2012/09/06/its-all-lies-fong-denies-husbands-claims-of-her-infidelity-suicidal-tendencies/
A few years ago, one radio station in Malaysia set up a line for callers to call in for the radio DJs to fix their social problems. I remember one guy who was not man enough to remind his buddy to wash his hands after answering nature's call. It was eating him up so much that he decided to call the radio station for help.
When the DJ called the victim, he went ballistic with all the bleeped words on air. After finding out about the complainer, he told him to mind his business. It was his life and if he does not like he can just buzz off. It was his life and he can do what he wants. I guess there went one 'not so healthy' friendship.
Then there was a girl who got the help of the station to tell the guy she was going out with that she wanted to call it quits. So the DJs called the unassuming guy at work. He, who thought that every thing was going a-okay with his loved one got a shock when he was told that his girlfriend wanted to break up the relationship. He did not initially take the shocking news lying down. In fact they had dined in a fancy restaurant the night before. And he thought he made a good impression and thinking long term. After some explicit expression of many colourful unmentionable words, the guy started to break down and hung up... And the DJ did not stop there. He called and called and managed to talk to him and made him accept the bad news. For the DJ, it is a feather in his cap as 'Problem fixed!'.
That is status of a divine bondage called love these days. Something private which is to be shared by two consenting adults has now become a pastime for bored motorists in the morning traffic jam of Kuala Lumpur and inquisitive voyeuristic internet geeks who fancy viewing happenings behind closed doors.