Parenting skills, a skill learnt?

Mrs Chatterjee vs Norway (2023)
Director: Ashima Chibber

I remember another case involving a Malaysian couple working in Sweden on a diplomatic passport in 2014. They were charged with child abuse when they smacked their children with a bamboo stick (probably rotan) for not reciting the Quran. The parents were imprisoned for instituting corporal punishment on their children, something unheard of in that society. Even though a Malay proverb surmises that 'one should live by the law of the land' (di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung), this obviously, does not apply to Malaysians in a foreign land, furthermore when it involves propagating religion to the generation next. There was a barrage of condemnation by netizens upon the country that decided to persecute their guests. A columnist in Malaysia even called Sweden's long remand period "a travesty of universal justice". The parents, upon return, after completion of their incarceration, received a hero's welcome.

So the question is, what is good parenting, one which spares the rod or uses it judiciously? The one in which the elder sibling also takes cognisance of household responsibilities and caring for her younger ones or the one where parents bear all responsibility for nurturing kids? Even within similar environments, siblings turn out differently, so how can there be one mould that fits all kinds of formulas? Who decides what good parenting is?

Many Eastern parents believe in the old adage of 'spare the rod and spoil the child' and 'action speaks louder than words' to steer children into submission to traverse the moth-bitten path they and their parents had taken. All the talking and reasoning are only in civil situations. Behind closed doors, words and utensils would fly. 

Since 1979, many developed nations, led by Sweden, have banned spanking and all corporal punishment. The Scandinavian way of parenting would encompass spending as much time outdoors, dividing parental duties, accepting gender neutrality, having liberal views on nudity parents and no spanking. Spanking is confined only to the bedroom to the loved ones in the most passionate ways!

This Bollywood film puts Norway under scrutiny for its seemingly inhumane and invasive child protection policies. They went as far as to compare it to state-sponsored child abduction. In 2011, in the town of Stavanger, an oil-rich region of Norway, an Indian immigrant(expatriate) worked in the petroleum industry. As Norway's Child Protection service, Bernevernet investigated the family when the first child was thought to exhibit features of autism, the workers discovered that the parents were incompetent by Norwegian standards and subsequently recommended that the children needed to be placed under foster care till adulthood. The reasons mentioned were objections against their parenting habits, which are considered typical in Indian culture. Feeding by hand was construed as forced feeding; sleeping on the same bed was unhealthy; yelling at children was abuse, and parents arguing was a no-no.

'Mrs Chattarji vs Norway' is the recreation of Sagarika Chakraborty's and Anurup Bhattacharya's experiences, which created a mild hiccup in bilateral relations between countries. The top brass of the Indian leaders had to intervene to find an amicable solution. It seems that not everything is hunky dory in the land with the best indices for the happiest nation on Earth.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

People kill people, not guns?

If anything happens I love you! (2020)
Animated Short Film

This 11-minutes short film won itself an Academy Award in the Best Short Animated film category. In a concise graphic representation, the storytellers managed to capture the essence of emotions surrounding the loss of a young child. This emotional turmoil can make or break a family unit. The gamut of blaming, what-ifs, guilt and fault finding missions would eventually lead to a brick wall among the living but definitely not bring back the dead.

The death of a member of a family who has not lived his full potential, however, may invoke a myriad of responses. They say an addition to the family, especially the first-born, unites families. The sight of a newborn will make everyone all jello but strong enough to cement whatever minor frictions that may have been present in day-to-day dealings. It may make or break the bonds between the close relatives, especially parents, in the case of a young child.

This short film with no dialogue but a single song, 1950 by King Princess, tells the pain that a couple of parents endure when their pre-teen is killed in a random school shooting. The couple gradually grows apart with overpowering grief. All the while, their genuine emotions, feeling for each other and worries about each other are depicted by their shadows. When the door of their daughter's room, which they refuse to open all this while, suddenly opens, both parents enter the room to the sound of their daughter's favourite song. They reminisce about all the joyful times that they had together through a series of flashbacks. Finally, they shed their tears and reached a resolution.

The film highlights the problem of random shootings in the American public space, especially schools. Over the years, the interval between these types of shooting is getting shorter, and the types of weapons used are getting complex. It is no more pistols or hunting rifles. Instead, we are talking about assault rifles and semi-automatics. Pretty soon, the general public may be walking around with bazookas as it is their right to bear arms to protect themselves as permitted by the second amendment of the American Constitution. 

So many Presidents have come and gone promising to put a stop to all this gun violence. Even though many countries, the UK and Australia included, are testimony that this is indeed possible with very tight regulation of weapons ownership, such a situation will never happen in the US. The gun lobbying groups hold the purse string to the political parties. Being the central capital of weapon provider for the whole world to fight each other to maintain American interest and sustain despotic regimes worldwide, it will bad for business to put an all right ban on guns. 

Anti guns will continue doing their thing.  Aggrieved parties will pour their heartfelt disappointments, and the world will light an occasional candle at shooting sights, but the stock owners of Smith & Wesson and Colt's Defence will continue run laughing all the way to the bank. And they justify their rights by saying, "People kill people, not guns!" But, what they do not understand is that people just get a bruised face, dented ego or at most a broken rib with physical might. A gun has only one mission, to cause severe damage to the victim with minimal effort of its user.

All the loving feelings wither over the years. A child may make or break, not only by what turns out of them but in wanting to give the best for them. Differing parenting approaches and domineering-type of parenting accentuates drift. You ask yourself, "Is this the same woman that I married? "You coax yourself telling, "No, these are just battle wounds traversing the journey of life!"

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.