Parenting skills, a skill learnt?

Mrs Chatterjee vs Norway (2023)
Director: Ashima Chibber

I remember another case involving a Malaysian couple working in Sweden on a diplomatic passport in 2014. They were charged with child abuse when they smacked their children with a bamboo stick (probably rotan) for not reciting the Quran. The parents were imprisoned for instituting corporal punishment on their children, something unheard of in that society. Even though a Malay proverb surmises that 'one should live by the law of the land' (di mana bumi dipijak, di situ langit dijunjung), this obviously, does not apply to Malaysians in a foreign land, furthermore when it involves propagating religion to the generation next. There was a barrage of condemnation by netizens upon the country that decided to persecute their guests. A columnist in Malaysia even called Sweden's long remand period "a travesty of universal justice". The parents, upon return, after completion of their incarceration, received a hero's welcome.

So the question is, what is good parenting, one which spares the rod or uses it judiciously? The one in which the elder sibling also takes cognisance of household responsibilities and caring for her younger ones or the one where parents bear all responsibility for nurturing kids? Even within similar environments, siblings turn out differently, so how can there be one mould that fits all kinds of formulas? Who decides what good parenting is?

Many Eastern parents believe in the old adage of 'spare the rod and spoil the child' and 'action speaks louder than words' to steer children into submission to traverse the moth-bitten path they and their parents had taken. All the talking and reasoning are only in civil situations. Behind closed doors, words and utensils would fly. 

Since 1979, many developed nations, led by Sweden, have banned spanking and all corporal punishment. The Scandinavian way of parenting would encompass spending as much time outdoors, dividing parental duties, accepting gender neutrality, having liberal views on nudity parents and no spanking. Spanking is confined only to the bedroom to the loved ones in the most passionate ways!

This Bollywood film puts Norway under scrutiny for its seemingly inhumane and invasive child protection policies. They went as far as to compare it to state-sponsored child abduction. In 2011, in the town of Stavanger, an oil-rich region of Norway, an Indian immigrant(expatriate) worked in the petroleum industry. As Norway's Child Protection service, Bernevernet investigated the family when the first child was thought to exhibit features of autism, the workers discovered that the parents were incompetent by Norwegian standards and subsequently recommended that the children needed to be placed under foster care till adulthood. The reasons mentioned were objections against their parenting habits, which are considered typical in Indian culture. Feeding by hand was construed as forced feeding; sleeping on the same bed was unhealthy; yelling at children was abuse, and parents arguing was a no-no.

'Mrs Chattarji vs Norway' is the recreation of Sagarika Chakraborty's and Anurup Bhattacharya's experiences, which created a mild hiccup in bilateral relations between countries. The top brass of the Indian leaders had to intervene to find an amicable solution. It seems that not everything is hunky dory in the land with the best indices for the happiest nation on Earth.

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The journey or the destination?

The Worst Person in World (Verdens verste menneske, Norweigian; 2021)

Director: Joachim Trier

Maybe it is the pressure to experience all the sensations in one lifetime. Perhaps one lifespan is not long enough to complete Man's laundry list of wants and needs. There is a desire to do the right thing at the first attempt and not lose out to fellow world inhabitants. Are we so hedonistic, only caring for ourselves and not batting an eyelid for others? We have become so self-centred that nobody else matters. It is just me, myself and I.

We look at life as a reward. We exist to experience, only to die and disappear into oblivion. There are neither before nor forever after stories after this birth. We get one chance, after which it is GAME OVER. 

Like headless chickens, we seem to be running around, collecting experiences. 

We cannot wait. We see the line on the other side is moving faster. We jump queue only to find that the last line moves much quicker. We get frustrated. Getting back to the previous line is not possible. The bird has flown. We grow increasingly disheartened as your present queue crawls slowly. So slowly that by the time our turn arrives, the window is shut right on our faces as tickets have sold out. We leave, no tickets, so much time wasted but nothing to do but twiddle thumbs.

It would probably be wiser to lead a life more straightforwardly with preset guidelines of dos and don'ts. To follow the weather-beaten road would likely ensure a designated destination. The path seldom trailed may provide an exciting journey with spills, thrills and near-miss escapades, but is the journey more important than the destination or otherwise? Do we really have a preset zenith to conquer in this lifetime or are we just passing through, doing what we can, whilst reaping the maximum out of it?

This 2021 film is Joachim Trier's 'Oslo Trilogy' final instalment. It narrates the story of a fickle-minded young lady who sails through life, forever trying to find a footing in life. Julie is an exemplary student who made it to medical school. Soon she realised that it was not her calling and switched to psychology. Then psychology is also not to her liking, and Julie takes up photography. Life drifts on whilst she goes into relationship after relationship with much despair. 

It is a tale about personal development, heartaches and perhaps an analysis of what the present generation expects from a union. 

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Who was she?

BBC Podcast: Death in Ice Valley(2018)

In November 1970, hikers discovered the remains of a lady in the icy cold mountainous area of Isdalen Valley in Norway. This lady, in her 30s, obviously not equipped for trekking, was found charred faced down in a fire with a bottle of barbiturates in the vicinity. This death was unusual to the peaceful port town of Bergen. It created a lot of excitement. The police had nothing much to work with.
To start with, no identity could be ascertained. Nobody came forward with the report of a missing person. The labels on her clothes were cut off. A nationwide alert pinpointed to left luggage in the railway station. It seems she possessed multiple passports, multiple identities and many wigs. 

With not much evidence to work with, the police soon declared her case as suicide and were buried in a zinc cast to enable further test if necessary. Her burial was a low-key attended only by police officers. 

46 years later, investigative journalists from BBC and NRK decided to re-open the case with the benefit of newer forensic tools and technology. They meticulously swept through the case with a fine-tooth comb as any good investigator would do starting at the site where the lady (who was christened 'Isdal Woman' after the valley) was found after slowly tracing her activities. A total of ten episodes narrating their work was aired. A Facebook page was created to discuss their findings for the smart people out there to give their input.

Interviews with living witnesses and police officer shed light on the background of the case. The hotel where the Isdal Woman stayed before her death is still around, and records of her registration were available for scrutiny. Handwriting experts, who have a better knowledge of the nuances of writing now than they were in the 70s, suggested that she was probably from a French-speaking nation. She had multiple identities, sometimes writing in German, but they ascertained that her German was probably fake. 

An artist's impression of the Isdal Woman.

The recurring suggestion was that she was a spy or an informant. With the penchant to hide her identity with fake names and aliases, wigs and cul labels off her clothes, this was her mostly accepted profession. She was also found to have in many hotels and was a frequent traveller. Some opined that she could be a sex worker as sexy lingerie was found amongst her luggage.

She was also sighted around the vicinity of the area where Norway carried out its missile test, The Penguin, furthering supporting this possibility. 

The Coroner's office still kept her mandible as the coroner must have thought it could be handy in time to come. She had multiple gold fillings and crown, which located her to have originated from Russia or an Eastern European country. C14 dating gave her age as probably in her 40s.

New, untested methods were brought to the fore. O2 isotope studies could suggest the area where one's water supply came from. Strontium isotopes interpretation which reflected the types of food that one ate and the type of soil in the area that food was grown, was employed. Tissues in the paraffin blocks of the sample taken from the Isdal Woman was sent for DNA analysis.

As it stands, it has been ascertained that the Isdal Woman is of European stock, probably grew up in eastern or central Europe, moved towards France in her adolescence just before or during World War II. Her handwriting indicated she learnt to write in France or in another French-speaking country. Followers of this podcast are eagerly awaiting the second season of the series. The producers promised to have one if newer discoveries are made.

My friend asks if all these endeavours are worth their time and effort? Is the discovery of the identity of the Isdal Woman going to give any real closure to anyone since no one seems to be missing her? We do not know that, right? Is the discovery of the perpetrator of crimes, if any, is going to of any fruition since by all accounts he may have died already? If the sin was committed by agents related to regimes of a particular ideology, we all know how brutal secret services are. At one time, the idea of she (Isdal Woman) being a Mossad agent was considered, but forensic findings proved otherwise. Are these mere exercises of futility just to mentally arouse ourselves and fulfil our overinflated egos? Is this going to change mankind in any way? Is it a warning to would-be criminals that their crime would not be unpunished? But then, criminals, by being educated on how forensics work, would now be in the know-how to avoid detection!

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-39369429

 https://asok22.wixsite.com/real-lesson 

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