Choices and Confusions

Fleabag (Comedy, Miniseries, 2016 -2019)
Created, Directed and Starred: Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Fleabag is a dark comedy about a 30-something single lady who is trying to make it her life mission to fall in love and settle down. But it is not easy. In the background are the memories of her business partner who committed suicide (or is it an accident?), her high achieving neurotic sister, her alcoholic brother-in-law, her widowed father who is sort of arm-twisted to remarry with a conniving and eccentric painter and the plethora of suitors who are equally clueless about their purpose in life.

Society has evolved over the generations to educate the fairer sex to give an equal place in the sun. Sometimes we wonder if this empowerment makes things more difficult for them to decide what is best for them. Entitlement, not wanting to be shortchanged in their choices of life partners, brings them to the brink of insanity. The options are too many, and nothing satisfies them any more. So why bother with the formalities when the sweet nectar of the fruit can be savoured without purchasing?

People are so lost on the purpose of life that they meander aimlessly oblivious of their intentions, just looking around for the unattainable using pleasure as their yardstick to success. That is why generations before us thought that it would be prudent to invest in the cookbook of life, which would make it easy for the unthinking Man to manoeuvre the boat of life. 

Long ago, chastity was given a sacred status. It was protected with the women's life until a responsible suitor is found. It, however, also subjugated women to submission to laws of society.

A better understanding of human biology and equality to both sexes turned the table. Sex is no longer looked upon as a mysterious divine gift but a mere social contact, much like a handshake or a bear hug. Women, now in better financial conditions, able to stand independently, sometimes in better bargaining positions, hold the chips and call the shots. They are in a position to pick and choose their partners and decide when they wish to be a gravid container for continuity of their progeny. Can this be the right way to do things? 

Making decisions listening to the heart and using happiness as a gauge had never been found to be the right way.

Masam Masam Manis (1965)

The main character regularly breaks the fourth wall (the imaginary wall that separates the actors and the audience) to explain her decision to the audience and in a way to get approval to her mischiefs. It reminded me of 'Garry Shandling Show' and P Ramlee in 'Masam-Masam Manis'. Interestingly, in this show, the Catholic priest who is the protagonist's love interest realises her interactions through the fourth wall. It is as though the pastor has the ability to look into another dimension- much like how the miracles and acts of divinity happen in another plane.

(thanks SK for introduction and input)

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

Chemical quagmire

Opening Night (1977)

Another John Cassavetes' movie with the vivacious Gena Rowlands with yet the same topic of mental illness.

Here, Gena Rowlands appears as a prima donna stage actress, Myrtle Gordon. She can be described as immature, uncertain of her abilities and easily swayed by external factors. She is no doubt a talented actress who wants to give her best in her roles. At the same time, the current role that she is acting, about an older lady with marital problem makes her reflect on her own life. She was not getting any younger, with no partners to share her life. 

At the same time, Myrtle witnesses a fan get hit by a car just after she had signed an autograph. This tends to be her tipping point that pushes her over to a problematic quagmire. Her promiscuous relationship with her producer and failure to perform at rehearsals give quite a headache to the cast and crew.

As the dates get closer to her opening night, everyone gets hot under their collar. Everyone tries their own method to solve the problem, including the scriptwriter who invokes the help of a medium. On the opening, Myrtle turns up piss drunk.

The movie shows up brilliantly the turmoil the sufferer as well as the people around them go through. Unfortunately, there is no clear cut shortcut to go about finding a way out of this perplexing disease of neurotransmitters imbalance. 

Bitten by the black dog

A Woman Under the Influence (1974)
Written and Directed: John Cassavetes

Just recently, I was introduced to yet another great director. John Cassavetes is said to be a pioneer in indie production movies and has his own way of bringing out social issues. This particular film is quite intense an dwells with the issue of depression in a family member,  how the family dynamics influences and deals with the disease.

For the first time I see Peter Falk acts in a cast different from his usual stereotype - a cranky detective ala- Det. Colombo in a trench coat. Here he is Nick, a hot headed overworked construction worker who tries to juggle a life between his colleagues, his well knitted Italian descendent family, his three young kids and a cranky wife (Mabel, Gena Rowlands) who is breaking under the pressures of playing her role as a good mother, a good wife and running her own life.


She is an attention seeking woman who gets little attention from his busy other half. She is trying to make herself happy but crumbles. She is committed to an institution. We see in the later part of the movie of an equally bizarre parenting by Nick during her absence. Six months later, family and friends prepare to receive Mabel back home amidst the confusion and uncertainty of knowing what is best for her.
In spite of the deficiencies, the couple find common ground and continue life as a family - father, mother and kids.

An excellent flick which looks at the pains, uncertainties and frustrations that the love ones go through when someone in the family gets bitten by the black dog.

I see black dogs everywhere...

Like a line of falling domino tiles, one by one, they all fall. Yet another one fell prey to the black dog. Even the outwardly strong minded ones with barrage of ammunition to shoot you down if you were to cross their paths, go into fetal position like a helpless infant when the final straw of hay broke their back. Like an epitome of patience, like a turtle she went on her duty on earth with diligence without complaining. Then came the challenges, one, another and another and poof she went all jello.

Young and old alike, they seem to be swept by this epidermic.
Coming mostly from humble backgrounds, one would have think that after enduring the uncertainties of life for a square meal and other comforts in life, enduring uncertainties by now would literally be a walk in the park. The general consensus is that one could not buy himself out of all troubles. Crying in a BMW, however, certainly looks less pathetic then crouching over a pavement but then the hopelessness are the same. It just goes on to say that there are somethings that money can buy like crying in comfort albeit the melancholy.

Just like stupidity, everybody around the victim realises the affliction except the affected party. The sooner the party realises her predicament, the sooner remedy can be sought. Failing this, she would continue barking up the wrong tree to find another name for her bad times. Blame it on the rain, stars, sun, planets and everything in between but the space between the ears.

Winston Churchill had a black dog
his name was written on it
It followed him around from town to town
It’d bring him downtook him for a good long ride 
took him for a good look around
Reg Mombassa: Black dog

Superpower or curse?

Sometimes you feel that an elephantine memory is an asset. Remembering all those remotely insignificant events which may occasionally stir up emotions that were better buried in the crypts of time is no trait one like to possess. But then it does have its merits, however....
In a meeting of an old schoolboys' reunion, he could be the star who could rekindle old situations and pranks that would have been forgotten by all. Everybody would be happy that that suspended moment of time can be painstakingly reenacted in minute detail to savour.
In the wise words of Spidey granddad, "with great powers comes great responsibility", this God-given ablility is not all boon but a bane.
The reason the brain is wired in the way it is is to prune and rewire the thought processes so that potentially painful thoughts are kept at bay. Life and the joy of looking forward to potential good times can be enjoyed. If one to have recurring thoughts of the painful past, living can be painful and the future can appear nihilistic. With only the pleasant memories constantly bombarding you, you fail to look at the negative side of things. You leap and hope for the outcome each time. But then, did not Einstein mention that if one were to keep doing the same thing all the time and expect a different outcome every time, that is lunacy? But then again, inability to forget the past is a precursor to mental illness.....

What drives you?

Of late, I have across people who have indulged in some activities which would frowned upon. Nobody in the sane mind would ever, even in their wildest dream, consider some of things that these people would do. The more you interact with these people, the more you will realise that they have a tale to tell, and a sad one too!
One guy was happily married to university sweetheart till she was diagnosed with the big C. Her health deteriorated as quickly as the news sinked in into the family. Even before the family could come in terms with her impending demise, she left Mother Earth. The guy, devastated with the whole turn of events, was a flicker away from being engulfed by the black dog. He did what most sane people do in situations like this. He ran. Like Forrest Gump he ran and he ran like he had never ran before. At the age of 50, he completed his first marathon and there was no stopping him. The euphoria  of the post run high appears to be the only thing that conserved his sanity. The addictive endorphin just kept him pushing his distance. Recently, I heard that he completed the gruelling 100km Hong Kong Ultra Marathon in 29h30m! He kept his feet on the ground and did not leave his future to the stars!
Yet another person went through another earth shattering moment in her live. A full grown adult son took his own life! If the trauma of losing a love one alone is not enough, the worse was narrating the whole event again and again to well meaning friends and relatives. The worse was the self appointed creative rumour mongers who spun spiced up stories on the turn of events. Not only these people were doing a disservice, they do not realise that news gets around and reaches the unintended recipients, like herself! The pain was simply too much! Like something God-sent, she was introduced to a Guru.
All the various brain waves that she was exposed to through various sessions of meditation and self realisation helped to rewire her dendrites. She is now standing tall and calm in the sea of uncertainty. The Guru was her anchor when her going was rough.
Naysayers will always ridicule and highlight negativities of people's various indulgences. They are quick with their so called 'credible information from the horse's mouth' but they should walk a mile in the sufferer's shoe to feel the pain.

Life with the black dog!*

Silver Lining Playbook 2012
Another Hollywood movie with a predictably happy ending like the title suggests. It depicts a bipolar patient who is removed by his mother from a mental institution and how his family and his friend's wife sister, a depressive patient, try to go against all the negativity and hostilities around them to focus on a dance competition and indirectly fight the black dog together. Of course, in the process, they fall in love, bla,bla,bla... Haven't we heard this story before?
The other subplots in the movie makes it different, though. After checking out the mental facilty, Pat (Bradley Cooper) plans to turn over a new leaf, focus on his life and try to win back his wife's heart. She had a restraining order against Pat after he bashed and morbidly wounded his wife's lover when he made an unscheduled entrance before his incarceration.
Pat has a hot tempered baseball bookie father and a mother who tries to ease the tension in the house. Anupam Kher is the therapist who shows up periodically in the movie. Pat's best friend, Roonie, appears happily married but he is actually biting the bullet to save his family with work, expenses and a demanding wife. His sister-in-law, Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), is a depressive widow who had built a reputation as a nymphomaniac who is trying to get her life straight.
Pat and Tiffany pair up in a tumultuous up and down yoyo type of a 'platonic' relationship midst the clash of each others' uncontrollable unresolved anger. With this background, Pat agrees to partner her in a dance contest to win his wife's heart back. What Pat gets instead is Tiffany, his cordial relationship with father, mother and brother as well as a chance to fight his inner demons.
Not really outstanding story wise but the acting capability by the main stars and the veterans like De Niro and Kher are commendable.
The black dog is a curse and dealing with family members who have afflicted with this ailment is nerve wrecking. People around them just mean well but the patients fail to see that but instead pour their anger of their other frustrations on their loved ones. Family relationship is strained and hence more new problems creep in....

Black dog

 (

noun) Informal. 

melancholy; despondency; the blues 

Winston Churchill a sufferer of depression described his ailment as the 'black dog' in his memoirs.