Be ordinary?

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck (Documentary, 2023)

Director: Nathan Price

Based on the book of the same name by Mark Manson (2016)

I have seen this book staring with sad eyes at me numerous times, pleading to be picked up. I always gave it a pass. Firstly, with profanity flashed on its cover, I thought the target readers must be Gen-Ys or millennials. They may find a reason to seek a book on self-help or, perhaps, perfect the art of not giving a damn about anything or whatever. I, on the other hand, was beyond help.

When a trailer bearing the same title appeared on Netflix, curiosity got the better of me.

After going through the documentary, I find that the content is more profound than its low-brow title. There is much philosophy to learn, as narrated from the life and times of the author, Mark Manson, by himself. 

He started his teenage years on the wrong footing. Caught with drugs in his locker, he got into the wrong side of the law. His parents divorced afterwards. He drifted through his late teenage years and early adulthood in a daze, experiencing the death of a close friend and unfaithful girlfriend. Somewhere along the way, he received a sort of epiphany that made him question the purpose of life. That soul-searching gave birth to the book and, now, the documentary.

What I gathered from this presentation is this: The modern society feels that the purpose of life is to experience happiness. It constantly tries to avoid pain and anything that stirs the psyche and raises anxiety. Pain and tragedy are bad words that must be avoided at all costs. Through his personal life experiences, the author posits that pain and tragedy are the necessary evils that strengthen us. We become resilient to whatever curveballs that life throws. Like what Nietzsche said,  probably parroting Vedanta's teachings, events in life are cyclical. Things get better and turn for a dip every so often.

The current Western teaching where happiness is the be-all and end-all of everything, we end up feeling entitled. We demand nothing else but to be satisfied. We want to be in control all the time.

The author thinks that a nihilistic outlook on life leads to more contentment. We should realise that we do not control anything. Everything is beyond our control. We should be humble enough to know we are mortal, just waiting to die. Being cocksure about something may lead to our downfall, exemplified by the example of  Lt. Hiroo Onoda, the last Japanese WW2 soldier to leave the Philippines in 1974. He spent a good 29 years in the jungle, convinced that Japan was still at war. Despite numerous attempts at bringing him back, he was confident that the whole exercise was fake news. What a waste of fruitful years of life?

Be ordinary; that is what he is saying.

You are nobody. You are not unique, which contradicts what the psychological community and management gurus say. The modern world tells each of us that we are entitled, and the rest can just go to hell. The 'me' as the centre of reference disappoints us when things do not go our way because, in our mind, we are special.

Many may not agree with his rhetoric. People need to think outside the box. Society needs mad people who can push the boundaries and would not stop at any extent to prove their point; civilisation needs them.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

What drives you?

Of late, I have across people who have indulged in some activities which would frowned upon. Nobody in the sane mind would ever, even in their wildest dream, consider some of things that these people would do. The more you interact with these people, the more you will realise that they have a tale to tell, and a sad one too!
One guy was happily married to university sweetheart till she was diagnosed with the big C. Her health deteriorated as quickly as the news sinked in into the family. Even before the family could come in terms with her impending demise, she left Mother Earth. The guy, devastated with the whole turn of events, was a flicker away from being engulfed by the black dog. He did what most sane people do in situations like this. He ran. Like Forrest Gump he ran and he ran like he had never ran before. At the age of 50, he completed his first marathon and there was no stopping him. The euphoria  of the post run high appears to be the only thing that conserved his sanity. The addictive endorphin just kept him pushing his distance. Recently, I heard that he completed the gruelling 100km Hong Kong Ultra Marathon in 29h30m! He kept his feet on the ground and did not leave his future to the stars!
Yet another person went through another earth shattering moment in her live. A full grown adult son took his own life! If the trauma of losing a love one alone is not enough, the worse was narrating the whole event again and again to well meaning friends and relatives. The worse was the self appointed creative rumour mongers who spun spiced up stories on the turn of events. Not only these people were doing a disservice, they do not realise that news gets around and reaches the unintended recipients, like herself! The pain was simply too much! Like something God-sent, she was introduced to a Guru.
All the various brain waves that she was exposed to through various sessions of meditation and self realisation helped to rewire her dendrites. She is now standing tall and calm in the sea of uncertainty. The Guru was her anchor when her going was rough.
Naysayers will always ridicule and highlight negativities of people's various indulgences. They are quick with their so called 'credible information from the horse's mouth' but they should walk a mile in the sufferer's shoe to feel the pain.

Matha Pitha Guru Theivam

 மாதா பிதா குரு தெய்வம்

The Tamil language is famous for its many saying and quotations. The critics will also complain that its literary circle is only full of talk with no action! Not only they just talk, but there is also so much emotion and gestures to complement this. Just like the joke that has been circulating in the Klang Valley...

The Police once arrested an Indian man for helping them in their investigation. This handcuffed suspect was brought in to the interrogation room for questioning. Despite repeated attempts by the junior policemen at exploration, the suspect just would not speak! In frustration, they called in their superior for help. Their seasoned superior just walked in, removed the handcuffs from the suspect and off went the suspect, rattling away, complete with hand gestures and facial expressions until the cops told him to shut up.

Another proof of this statement is evidenced in the 'Arratai Arangam' (அரட்டை அரங்கம்) - a Tamil talk show (from Tamil Nadu) on Malaysian cable TV. Speakers on this show, who would typically be discussing social issues relevant to Tamil Nadu, would sometimes be so emotional and loud that the moderator has to step in to put the house in order. The outbursts, however, are puny by Jerry Springer Show's standards! Another favourite topic of their discussion is the glory of old Tamil movies, which just goes on to show how vital the celluloid make-believe world is in the Indian culture.

I digress...

The saying 'Matha Pitha Guru Theivam' is taught to most elementary students in Tamil school, Tamil language classes and Hindu devotional classes. The words translate to 'Mother, Father, Teacher and God' - that is the easy part.

There are many interpretations of this elementary saying. At a glimpse, the phrase seems to denote the hierarchy of importance in a person's life: Matha (Mother) is at the pinnacle of prestige, source of unconditional and unassuming love; followed by Pitha (Father) - the provider; then comes the Guru (teacher) - who would open our eyes and mind to the world outside; and finally Theivam (God) for divine guidance.

Another interpretation would be that this is the order in which an individual goes through from cradle to adulthood. And another is that God is the final destination, and all the others are our vehicle to reach our destiny. Some say that our mother, father and teachers are the God that we can see. The bottom line is that all the people mentioned above deserve our undying respect and support. That would bring us to another topic - filial piety.


*The photographs above are of two famous Tamil talk shows - Leoni and Visu. Give them a topic, and they will talk and talk till the cows come home and go grazing again! And they would be still talking!