Love is all of hard work.

Love At First Sight (2023)
Director: Vanessa Caswill

Things don't just happen. They say matches are made in the stars and that destiny decides that one is born for the other. Life brings them together. True love will find its way, no matter what. They say that too. 

These simply cannot be right. At a different time, maybe. Anyone plunging into the holy union of matrimony must realise that there is a 50:50 chance that their dream wedding that they so thought destined to happiness forever and ever may just turn pear-shaped. 

Maybe this type of thinking should not drive couples to refrain from matrimony but rather remind themselves whenever they get all riled up with the antics of the other half. Marriage is hard work, and it takes a lot to make it last. 

It is easier said than done, especially when external influences instigate. And there may be an innate desire by each party to dominate and steer the union towards a specific direction. Again, it takes work. It is not as the pop song goes, 'It's so easy to fall in love!', (Buddy Holly and The Crickets) but the problematic part comes afterwards. The pair may grow apart, pursuing different personal goals and finding satisfaction in other areas. The challenge is finding common ground. Seeing things through the same lens is another! Priorities change over time. Logging along is easy when one is young. Adding a few years to the grindmill of life, one becomes dogmatic in wanting to do things in a particular way, unwaveringly.

But we can't let all these cloud our judgement, can't we? There is little of a decision going on here. The rational mind is hijacked by the spring of youth and hormones. Thinking comes afterwards. The blind sees later. The deaf hears, and the mute speaks. The meek grows horns. Everyone develops an opinion.

My other half and her girlfriends thought this rom-com was a world apart from the usual Hollywood fare and worth a watch. The unromantic me failed to appreciate the art or the wisdom it tries to impart. Nevertheless, poignant scenes stirred the fuzzy feeling embedded inside called emotion. 

The set starts at JFK Airport, seeing Hadley miss her flight to London. Hadley is off to London to attend her father's second wedding. Though she hates the idea that her parents went separate ways, she thought she should attend the wedding as it would make him happy. Almost immediately, she gets a ticket on the next flight. A Yale PhD statistics student, Oliver, is on the same flight. He is returning for his mother's memorial. His mother had a recurrence of cancer. Long story short, after a few turn of events, they both end up sitting side by side in the business class. 

The rest of the story is about how they fail to exchange numbers at the destination, discovering their love and going in search of each other. Sounds straightforward but exciting still. Oliver's mother is not dead yet, but the family decided to have a memorial anyway, as it made more sense for the dying to hear what others thought of them. It is better than to speak behind their back, after their death, so to speak. Is it fate, or will it bring them together? Statistics, probability and possibilities are just numbers. One has to take the initiative. 

The realist in me recommends viewers to catch a glimpse of a Swedish flick 'En dag och en halv' (One Day and Half) (2023). This one paints the ugly truth behind the Maya of matrimony. How the reality of extended family, dependence, dependants, expectations, economics, pressures of work and loss of freedom all screws up what the hormonal-infused doe-eyed young adult dreams of on this bliss of conjugal relationships. Not to forget the black dog lurking in the corner, waiting to pounce at the most inconvenient time. 

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Match made in heaven!

As part of the ritual after marriage, newlywed Brahmin couples are told to search for Arundathi-Vasishta pair of stars (Alcor-Mizar). These double stars make part of the Great Bear constellation and named after a great sage, Vasishta, and his philosopher wife, Arundathi. They were an exemplary couple that complemented each other, without one dominating over the other. 

Unlike most double stars where one star would be revolving around the other, the Arundathi-Vaisishta pair orbits around each other. The Hindu traditions believe that that is how a husband-wife pair should be - the couple should work together; not one exerting dominance over the other!

Varaha

It is beyond comprehension how ancient Indians knew so much about astronomy. These traditions have a long history that predates Corpenicus and Gallilee. At a time when the world was arguing about flat Earth and imprisonment of scientists whose discoveries clashed with the Church, the Indians knew that Earth was a sphere. Varaha, Vishnu's boar avatar, tried to save a spherical Earth from the major floods on his snout. (Not a disc)

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Pay or be paid?

There was a heated discussion recently about attending weddings and the appropriate gifts to be presented to the newlyweds. 

Many questions were floating around and were argued but without reaching any consensus. For every point supporting attendance at weddings, there many against it.  Are the attendees considered privileged to have been invited in the first place? Is it an honour to attend? Is the invitation a hindrance or a nuisance to one's smooth sailing of daily routines? Do relatives get offended if they were non-attendees to someone's most important day in their lives? It is the lovebirds' declaration, so they should be in gratitude.

There used to be a time when weddings were announced widespread as a form of approval and legitimisation. It also was a diversion from their otherwise mundane lives. Social interaction between relatives was far and between. Humans, being social animals, were leading an agrarian way of living that was so unfulfilling. Interacting with farm animals and breaking back serving Nature was not gratifying enough. Meeting people for potential matchmaking, merrymaking and unwinding became compulsory. With time, it also became ritual and life-changing. Somebody needed to be put on the dais to be held responsible for all the wild oats that he sowed. The groom also can lay claim or metaphorically brand his name on his 'property'.

Ok then. How much are you going to part with this indulgence? If your attendance alone does not suffice, how much of your hard-earned are you willing to part for the host to announce his own intentions? Enough to cover his wedding expenses or to get a head start in life? As the overindulgences in matrimonial lavishness hit insane levels, how much is enough?

Me, I sacrifice time and offer blessings. After that, you are on your own... Felicitations.

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