Pay or be paid?

There was a heated discussion recently about attending weddings and the appropriate gifts to be presented to the newlyweds. 

Many questions were floating around and were argued but without reaching any consensus. For every point supporting attendance at weddings, there many against it.  Are the attendees considered privileged to have been invited in the first place? Is it an honour to attend? Is the invitation a hindrance or a nuisance to one's smooth sailing of daily routines? Do relatives get offended if they were non-attendees to someone's most important day in their lives? It is the lovebirds' declaration, so they should be in gratitude.

There used to be a time when weddings were announced widespread as a form of approval and legitimisation. It also was a diversion from their otherwise mundane lives. Social interaction between relatives was far and between. Humans, being social animals, were leading an agrarian way of living that was so unfulfilling. Interacting with farm animals and breaking back serving Nature was not gratifying enough. Meeting people for potential matchmaking, merrymaking and unwinding became compulsory. With time, it also became ritual and life-changing. Somebody needed to be put on the dais to be held responsible for all the wild oats that he sowed. The groom also can lay claim or metaphorically brand his name on his 'property'.

Ok then. How much are you going to part with this indulgence? If your attendance alone does not suffice, how much of your hard-earned are you willing to part for the host to announce his own intentions? Enough to cover his wedding expenses or to get a head start in life? As the overindulgences in matrimonial lavishness hit insane levels, how much is enough?

Me, I sacrifice time and offer blessings. After that, you are on your own... Felicitations.

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Still twisted!

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Maybe it is just me with my twisted mind. Perhaps the others do not have such morbid imaginations about life. They like to see their glasses half full rather than their nihilistic nemesis. But I cannot help it. My mind seems to go on autopilot, and I cannot press the reboot button. It is hanging but still buzzing under the surface. Luckily it only happens sometimes.

This train of thought came sprawling to me one day when I was given the honour to bear witness to the public declaration of a private intent, i.e. to bless a couple who wish to share their joy of nuptial bliss.

There I was sitting at the back row of the dinner table just watching the world go by. Sometimes, people watching can be therapeutic. It can stimulate your philosophical cords. You can also indulge in a game of one of trying to guess their background, stature, the worries, their fears etceteras. Nobody wins and nobody loses in this meaningless game to kill time.

It dawned upon me the extravagance of wedding ceremonies these days. In the yesteryears, people looked forward to these functions to get together. Fun things to do those days were too few in merriment, hence the anticipation and expectation of merriment by others. With the dearth of social interaction, these events were opportunities for economic ventures, arena to flaunt one's achievement and a place for prospective life partners to meet.

In this fast moving world where people are trying to be, and miserably failing, to juggle many balls, multitask and wear many hats, it does not make any sense, really! Unlike those days, where food was scarce to come by, we live in in a food fetish and mega-helpings era. This kind gluttony is the last thing the modern man needs to keep his waistline in check. How the heck is he going to stay true to weight watching regimes?

With the uncertain economic climate looming over us, perhaps it is wise to be prudent. With the government coffers getting dry, it may just alert the antennas of the taxman to plan his next kill for his supper. If statistics were anything to buy, the newly weds have a 50-50 chance of hating each others' guts in years to time. There may be a real chance of them needing to do all again after there get bored with each other! Death does not have to do them apart. With so much distraction and lure to indulge in casual liaisons, it had never been easier and more tempting.

Now you know why I say my mind is twisted!

2 weddings and 2 exits

Attended 2 wedding dinners over the weekend. 2 of my friends 'lost' their daughters and found 'new' sons. There were similarities in both weddings. Both girls were sent out to Australia to get a wholesome education as the land they grew up failed to provide them with what was available to their parents just a generation ago and of standards were comparable to those of the first world. The new agenda with new priorities only spiralled down something right down the ladder of mediocrity.

Private schools and international syllabi drove both girls to bring home foreign degrees as well as new surnames. Having established themselves in land Down Under, in the prime of their youth, it was only natural that they should find jobs and life partners. 

Now, Malaysia has become a place where they may perform duties of filial piety or to unwind after a challenging year of vocational responsibilities. Maybe, they would escape the depressing cold winters to the chirpy eternal summers of Malaysia during their sabbaticals. Perhaps, one day they may return to show their offspring the origin of their small family tree. In the meantime, our land, like the Philippines, will slowly build a reputation for herself as a supplier of manpower. The only difference is that we would be supplying middle and upper management type of labour force, not the blue collar type. In the interim, the country would be continued to be roamed by runaway maids and foreign conmen trying to escape the clutches the grip of the man in blue for their nefarious mischiefs as they use us a stepping stone for more significant misconduct in the pipeline!

Merry making with Mary or marry her?

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn:

Not the marrying kind? 

In the traditional Indian society, wedding is considered as a panacea to all social woes. Son loafing around aimlessly? Son does not take things seriously? Son very irresponsible and childish? Get him married, everything will sort out itself, they would say.
Rodney Dangerfield, on the other hand said something to the effect of 'Once I got into this institution called marriage, I stayed institutionalised!'
Call me old fashioned but I have been brought up to think that people declared their private intentions publicly before they get cozy privately. Or at least that was how it was portrayed to be.
Being privy to being a confidant of people's after hours' activities and private lives, I know that that is never the case, maybe of late or perhaps all the time just that people were discrete about it. People do not need that piece of paper to approve their biological urges. After all it is only natural. The birds and the bees do it, "why can't we?", they would say!
Then why have the paper, pomp and announcement at all? Well, the wife can change her name especially if her maiden name is tainted with a criminal record. The children can have a surname and the wife and kids can have a legitimate claim on the property if there is any.
Who needs the licence anyway?

Better late than never?

So, there I was rushing through traffic trying not to embarrass myself by being late. Looking at my watch periodically, I just wanted to ensure that I do not walk into the hall with the bridal entourage instead of before them. Not that it had not happened before!
I remember, many years ago, in my hometown, where everything was a lazy affair, my family and I were invited to a friend's parents' wedding anniversary which was celebrated in a glitzy and pompous manner. In keeping with the high brow nature of the function with distinguished guests and all, the host decided to start  right on the dot.

Deer in headlights!

Talk about right timing, we just made our entry just when the spotlights went on and Cliff Richard's 'Congratulations and Celebrations' started playing. It very much took us by surprise. We were dumbfounded in a 'deer in headlights' moment.
So were the guests who were expecting to see the special stars for the evening!
Anyway, coming back to the present times, I finally made it to the wedding reception hall. This time, the surprise was on me again as the hall was practically empty! The invitation quoted that dinner was to start at 7pm and there I was at 7.30pm.
After a good half and an hour of looking around from top to bottom and from side to side of the hall and the decorations, guests started strolling in. My friend who was supposed to join me coolly sauntered in at about 8.30pm just when the function was starting. As a matter-of-factly, he sneered at me for coming so early for a Malay wedding. He said that it is an unwritten rule that things are to start at least one and a half hour late.
So far, I have only heard the Chinese complained about their wedding dinners not starting on time. Even the Indian wedding receptions are better, half to an hour late.
Anyway, when the function actually started, everything was forgotten. Everyone was merry-making and having fun rather than brooding about wasted time.
So, the next time, it would be still a one and half hour delay. I would be wiser. I would also go late. And the trend would continue. Nobody is going to start a function when nobody is in attendance. There would be the royal couple but without lowly peasants, the royal couple would just a couple without the lowly subjects to fete them up to high heavens!

Public display of private intent?

The Game... you just lost it!

Call me a loner, a sociophobic, Grinch or Scrooge. I do not particularly fancy having a big bash for something considered private. So what if you turn 50. Anyone with a bit of luck and divine non-intervention or intervention can achieve that. Even stray dogs can celebrate theirs (birthday, i. e.) if they survive the pound catchers or being a road kill. If they still want to felicitate themselves for this, it is still something personal - not appropriate for them to brag about it to their dogs and bitches but to reflect on their personal achievements and shortcomings to shortcomings to be able to survive another anniversary. 

Celebrating any personal achievement must be (er...) personal, enjoying it with the people who make it happened and the ones who were in the receiving end in the endeavor in your journey. Not that the bread man and newspaper man did not assist in your goals, this is personal. They got their dues. 

Perhaps superstition, perhaps fear of jealous roving ill intended eyes, significant event should be small and meaningful, not a public display of affordability and pomp. 

We do not need a surprise 48th or that matter 50th birthday like the one in 1997 movie 'The Game' where the Sean Penn character organizes an elaborate game to commemorate his rich and show-off brother's (Michael Douglas) 48th birthday. A recreational company, in cahoots with his bother, lawyer and staff brought Douglas to knees by siphoning off his money, implicating him in murder, getting him to be on his heels from the cops, drive him to paranoia and finally drive him to jump off a multistory office building to land on a giant glass dome which led him to a conference hall with a giant bed to dampen his fall and with all friends and relatives waiting to propose a toast there!

You do not need public display of private intent unless you are a politician or a business where  you need the public to support (or to be hoodwinked) for your private intentions!