Go, find excuse!

I came across this card which was sent from a daughter to her father on conjunction with Fathers' Day. Not a flattering message, I should say. Looks like the daughter seem to be blaming her failures in life and the recurrent wrong choices in choosing partners squarely on her father, the contributor of half of her chromosomes. Just because her father did not mollycoddle her but instead showed her the reality of life, she looks at it as an abhorrent. She must be thinking that real dads are like the TV sitcom dads who would take all the tantrums of the young ones and also apologise for their own shortcomings. Dream on. Adults in real life have too much ego and have an important role to play nurturing them through the hard knocks of life unlike their tinseltown dads who play their 30 minute role, smiling all the way to the bank.
You say you came to learn that someone who hurts is same who loves through your fathers actions. You sound like a smart girl - able to appreciate the finer subtleties of the language and poetry. You are probably smart because of the way paved by your father who ensured daughters are no second class citizens. They also have the right to education just like his son, your brother. Now, you are big and strong and smart, you are smart enough to bounce off all the misgivings of life on this man.
Didn't the man act hard on you to correct you, to put you back on track, because you almost went astray? Is it because of his guidance that you able to maturely assess your failures and analyse of your own shortfalls? May it not be his drilling that made you still standing tall despite the calamities that you had to encounter in your short life?

It is easy to find fault. Anyway, there is never a cookbook recipe for parenting. He may have done what he thought was best for you. Perhaps that made him the man he is, able to provide and care for you and your family. For every 10 bad points you identify about your father, there must be 20 more of the contrary.

Remember, when you point your accusing index finger at others, invariably your last three fingers would point at your good self. The thumb may point to ground (nature) or up (sky, God)!

A family noir drama!

Mildred Pierce 1945
It starts with a scene of a man shot at repeatedly. Joan Crawford is stopped by a policeman trying to jump off an esplanade in an apparent suicide. She walks away and is called in by a guy to have a drink in a bar. She takes the guy home.
The guy whom we saw shot at is in the study.
Crawford leaves the guy from the bar locked in the house. He discovers the body, makes a dash out of the house when a couple of policemen nab him.
At first look, it looks like an espionage film with one outwitting the other to escape the long arms of the law but, no it is not! It is a family drama, noir style!
Mildred (Joan Crawford) is called upon to inform about the demise of her husband and is requested to come to the police station. At the station, she is told that her first husband, Bert is accused of murder.
Mildred alleges that such a crime is not possible as Bert was the best guy she ever met. When asked how come she divorced him if he were so good, she started telling her life story....
Bert and Mildred's marriage hit a rough patch when Bert's booming real estate business dwindles. To maintain the same lifestyle, Mildred tries to supplement income by baking  cakes for her neighbours. Quarrel often erupted over Mildred's insistence that their two girls must get the best nurturing - ballet and music lessons. This, and Brad's liaison with a certain lady, made their relationship sour and they went separate ways.
Mildred shields her elder daughter, Veda, from the hardship that she goes through as single parent waiting at tables and baking cakes part-time. Her second daughter dies from pneumonia. With her experience, she starts her own restaurant with help from Wally, Brad's friend. They buy a property from a flamboyant playboy, Beragon, who is living off his family treasures.
Beragon, has an eye on Mildred and the other on her money (now that Mildred is rich with a chain of restaurant). They marry. By now, Veda has grown into a spoilt imp who is drowned in the rich life, looking down at the working class, refusing to see her mother's struggle to ensure her good life. She goes wayward, spendthrift and lying for money to maintain her lifestyle. The confidence that Mildred tried to inculcate through exposure to the finer things in life had turned against her. Veda became too haughty and too confident for her own good. Frequent fretting and disagreement saw Veda leave the house to live on her own, eventually living a live of a dancer in a restaurant!
Bert and Mildred managed to bring her to fold after some time. She started living with Mildred when Mildred married Beragon. Her way of life is encouraged by Beragon, now her step father. At one juncture, Mildred catches Veda and Beragon kissing.
The arrogant Veda claimed that they were getting married! Mildred leaves the scene.

The daughter she pined for!

The next thing she knows, an argument ensues as Berangon never made such promise of matrimony and Veda shoots Beragon. Mildred tries to takes the blame for the daughter but is tricked by the police. Veda goes to jail and Mildred is reunited with Bert.
A melodramatic story which would do well as a Tamil film. The take home message seems to me is that one should not shield children from poverty and hardship of life. They would be spoilt to the core and would expect to be bailed out even they are well into adulthood. By then, they would turn the table around and put the blame squarely on the parents for failing bringing them up well. In the first place, the parents thought the children should be spared of the hardship that they themselves grew up and dreaded every minute of the early childhood!

Even P. Ramlee must have got his idea for 'Anak Ku Sazali' from this outing...