Sorry is the hardest word?

Really?

People always say that sorry seems to be the hardest word. We are all so encrusted that in our hard-shelled egos that by admitting our mistakes, we value ourselves much less. And our psyche takes a dent so hard that we want to shrivel up and disappear! Hence, when a person comes down his high and mighty horse to eat humble pie, he is admired for his virtuous act.

It sounds all dandy but it is really not so simple.

Of late, however, what we see insincere utterance of apologies just for the sake of it. How many times have we seen drivers driving under the intoxicants causing major catastrophes and all they can say is, "I am sorry!" Some lackadaisical teenage would have elbowed an antique, just to apologise, as if by doing so, the broken menagerie would somehow miraculously glue together as if like magic!

Yes, people say sorry without really meaning it. They know that the tragedy is no skin off their back and all the hardship is for others to endure. They know that apology is the easiest escape clause to avoid punishment. Whether they actually meant it or were genuine, it is immaterial. At least they said sorry, the least they could do. They know rhetorics and melodramatic tear-invoking histrionics works wonders all the time. Even the scriptures profess that God forgives those who repent (or at least appear that they do to qualify!)

What do you do to people who repeatedly do the same mistake and go on to say sorry and move on? Some even want you to say that it is alright when it is not! We work in a team and one's action or inaction would affect the other and put a serious dent in the whole social structure. To err is human, they say but to forgive is divine. Since we are mere mortals, forgiving wrongdoers does not fall into our domain. We just do what we think is right. Let God deal with Mercy!

Bury 'em all?

I remember a time when people were reminded that saying sorry may change many things. People were reminded that saying sorry is the hardest thing. That it is hard to say sorry and sorry is the hardest word. At least, that is what Elton John and the Chicago Transit Authority (a rock band later known as just Chicago) were telling the world.

As I grew older and liked to think, also wiser, I soon realised that these thoughts border on naivety. Unfortunately, things are not so easy. Say sorry and expect everything to turn over to a new slate. Say sorry, and the broken vase would somehow mysteriously glue itself together. If only it could be so easy. Then saying sorry would be as easy as saying, 'Hi!'. If breaking the ice was easy, that is.

Okay, saying sorry involves more than just vocalising and verbalising. The ego has to be crushed. Pride has to be cast aside.

Some people use the fact that it is not easy to apologise for their own advantage. They apologise at every turn at the flip of the coin without actually meaning it. For them, saying sorry is just a figure of speech, a filler, an ice breaker. Say sorry, show some kind of repent and just continue life.

In other instances, we are told not to say sorry as it would mean admitting guilt. Even if it is to signify empathy as humanity begs us to, it could and would be taken to mean an apology for screwing up. The men in robes would be beaming ear to ear, sharpening their steely knives to skewer their kills for the stake to maintain liberty and justice, they say.

People have become so smart these days that they know precisely how to behave as the situation warrants. They know when to say sorry, expecting to be forgiven, forgotten, and move on. It is as if an apology is such a banal act like the natural course of action to a situation without really attaching any meaning to it.

Some make a business out of showing empathy like it is not the only natural thing to do. They sit with you, spend time with you, apparently cry with you to show that they care for you. At the end of it all, there is personal interest.

Alternatives? Of course not, harakiri! Apathy? Callous attitude? Inhumane?