A hidden family secret!

My Mom Jayne (2025)

Produced and Directed: Marishka Hargitay

https://www.hbo.com/movies/my-mom-jayne-a-film-by-mariska-hargitay

I thought it would be one of those soap operas about a daughter losing her mother too soon and how she had an incomplete life growing up without her mother. True, it covers all of that, but it also encompasses much more.

To begin, this documentary was presented by Mariska Hargitay, who is closely associated with the long-running TV police procedural drama 'Law & Order: SVU'. (For Mike Myers fans, she is also remembered in 'The Love Guru' as Myers' obsession).

Mariska Hargitay is the daughter of Jayne Mansfield, the sultry star of 1960s Hollywood, and her second husband, Mickey Hargitay, a Hungarian-born bodybuilder. Jayne was married three times and had a few affairs in between. In 1967, she was killed in a car accident when the vehicle she was travelling in collided with the back of a truck. She was accompanied by three of her children and her solicitor, with whom she was dating. The crash was severe, with the car sliced at the top as it went under the truck, leading to rumours that Mansfield was decapitated. She was not. The children, including Mariska, who were travelling with her, survived. The three adults lost their lives. It is believed that after their tragic accident, Americans made it compulsory for tractor-trailers to be fitted with 'Mansfield Bars', underride guards designed to prevent cars from sliding underneath in collisions.

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2014/11/story-behind-
infamous-sophia-loren-jayne-mansfield-photo

By that time, Jayne was already divorced from her second husband, Mickey Hargitay, as well as her third husband. Mickey and his new wife took in all the children as their own. Mariska was especially close to her father, Mickey. Mariska, the fourth child, was three when her mother died and naturally has no recollection of the times spent with her mother. Because of the press's constant gossip, rumours, and vilification of Jayne Mansfield's life and accident, Mickey forbade the children from reading anything about their mother. Any information Mariska received about their mother was through her elder sister (#1), who was fourteen years her senior.

 

Mariska revealed a secret she had kept close to her heart for 30 years in this documentary. That is indeed what draws the crowd to the show. When she was 25, she was invited by a Jayne Mansfield fan to view his collection of pictures. It was here that she was aware of the circulating rumour that Mariska could be Nelson Sardelli's daughter. During the tail-end of Mansfield's marriage to Mickey, she was having an open affair with a stage entertainer. Their affair ended soon after she became pregnant, and she returned to Mickey. 

https://koolfmabilene.com/the-story-behind-these-safety-
bars-on-semi-trucks-ties-into-a-famous-actress/

Hariska met Sardelli, and finally, the cat was out of the bag. Sardelli was indeed the father, and Mickey filled in the gap. The rest of the documentary is about an outpouring of emotions upon meeting a lost father, appreciating the magnanimity of Hargitay, and trying to understand the mind of her mother, who has gone through a lot, juggling motherhood with succeeding as a successful, yet somewhat stereotypical, blonde on screen. For the record, Mansfield was no dumb blonde. She is said to have an IQ of between 149 and 163. She could also play the violin and the piano at a high performance level.

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In God's Army?

Incendies (Great Blaze, French, English, Arabic; 2010)

Director: Dennis Villenue

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1255953/

This film has garnered numerous awards and is widely regarded as one of Denis Villeneuve's greatest directorial achievements. It is a compelling film that not only unveils the brutality of wars and conflicts driven by beliefs but also depicts the trauma that ordinary people suffer and often carry to their graves. 

Like the mother in this film, who escaped civil war in the Middle East (probably Lebanon) and spent her final years bitter, she had a strained relationship with her only remaining relatives, her twin adult children.

When her appointed trustee, her former employer, reads out her will, the mother has outlined certain conditions. For the first time in their lives, they learn of the existence of a half-brother in their mother's country of origin. The children are tasked with delivering two letters, one to their half-brother and another to their father. Reluctantly, the children undertake a journey to the Middle East. After navigating a country torn apart by civil war along religious lines, they compile a composite sketch of their mother, illustrating what she endured as a teenager. Her first love with a Muslim boy was opposed and led to her family's disapproval. She had a child out of wedlock, who was left behind when she left her home.

She tried to improve herself through education, but a civil war disrupted all her efforts. Embroiled in the underground student movement, she went on to assassinate a radical Muslim leader. She was imprisoned, tortured, and raped. Her village was bombed, and her illegitimate child ended up in an orphanage. The child was recruited as a child soldier by the Muslim rebel group. What happens at the end will leave a bitter aftertaste. There's nothing obscene about the whole thing. Such events often occur during wars and civil unrest. Moral fibre and basic decency are lost. Rape, looting, and senseless killings happen when a society is broken. Moreover, when perpetrators carry out their acts in the name of God, they believe it is justified, as God is marching alongside them.

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Act your age!

Under Suspicion (2000)

Director: Stephen Hopkins

https://www.primevideo.com/-/tr/detail/Under-Suspicion/
0FJXXG5CM6WBS4GW9UT054Z0GW

This is another character-driven film featuring two Hollywood heavyweights, Gene Hackman and Morgan Freeman. The setting is straightforward. A prominent tax attorney is fully prepared to deliver an important speech at a fundraising event. He is called in for what was meant to be a brief questioning by the local police chief. However, the interview becomes increasingly convoluted. The tax attorney's personal life is laid bare and scrutinised. It becomes so intense that it drains both parties, and the questioning turns into an interrogation. The situation escalates to such a degree that the tax attorney is charged with the murder of two young prostitutes. 

His wife is called in for a separate interview, which further reveals intimate bedroom secrets and close family confidences. The tension escalates dramatically. The tax attorney ultimately confesses to murdering both young girls. Just then, a police officer barges in to announce that the real culprit was caught 'in the act'!

The thought that crossed my mind concerns self-realisation. There is a time and place for everything. Life opens a window of opportunity, but unfortunately, it remains open for only a short duration. We must seize it within that time frame, after which the same window may be closed to someone else. We are not welcome there. In fact, we are told it is utterly wrong.

The protagonist in this film had a healthy attraction to girls during his adolescent years. Perhaps due to his ambition to improve his economic situation or establish his career, romantic relationships were set aside. He dedicated all his efforts to advancing in his career and social standing. Life moved on around him. 

He suddenly cannot return to the dating scene years later and pick up where he left off, pursuing the same adolescent girl he had once been interested in. This is entirely wrong. The protagonist discovered this the hard way. As time passed, along with empowerment and education, things changed. 

One will be in big trouble if they don't act their age. Realise your age and realise that some kind of decorum is expected of you.

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Normalising woke culture?

Kadhalikka Neramillai (No time to love,  காதலிக்க நேரமில்லை;  Tamil, 2025)

Director: Kiruthiga Udhayanidhi

https://www.moneycontrol.com/entertainment/kadhalikka-neramillai-ott-release-
when-and-where-to-watch-this-romantic-drama-starring-jayam-ravi-a
nd-nithiya-menon-article-12936421.html

It would have been just another Netflix recommendation that I would have ignored. Having such an unoriginal name, which had been used before, did not excite me. For the ignoramus, in 1964, the Tamil cinema was taken back by Sridhar's superhit. Its psychedelic, picturesque Eastman moment came to be defined as Tamil cinema's first rom-com. The hit song. 'Visvanathan, velai vendum!' became to be sung as the voice of defiance of the oppressed.

My interest was piqued when a YouTuber of a channel I follow went into a tirade trying to tear down Netflix and its moviemakers for thinking out of such a crass movie. Other Tamil movie reviewers were kind to the movie, praising it for its modern approach to storytelling and refreshing filmmaking. They probably did not want to offend the First Family of Tamil Nadu, as the ruling CM's family is involved in the film's direction, production and distribution. My YouTuber accused Netflix and the producers of trying to tear down every fibre of decency and threaten to destroy the Indian way of life. The prescribed Indian or Tamil way of living, where a female is supposed to follow specific rules regarding sex, weddings and patriarchal lead, is torn down.

The movie starts with a rebellious daughter, Shriya, working as an architect in Chennai, asking her mother how sure she was that her unmarried daughter was still a virgin. The mother almost faints whilst the father ducks down, avoiding the confrontation that ensued. 

To put things in order, it is a story about a daughter who plans to migrate to the US after a civil marriage with her 4-year-old boyfriend and obtains her visa. One day, after returning from work earlier than usual, she finds her husband in bed with her best friend. She annuls her wedding.

The 1964 version

In another town, Bangalore, another architect, Sid, is all set to engage his model girlfriend. After a minor misunderstanding, the fiancée decides not to turn up. As is often the case, he goes on bedding beaux one after another for revenge. 

Meanwhile, Shriya realises that her biological clock is ticking away and wants a baby as soon as possible. What does she do? She goes straight for donor insemination. And guess whose sperm she receives? Don't ask how, but she receives Sid's from another state. Sid had once accompanied his gay friend to donate his sperm for future use. Sid does the same. This gay friend reappears later to marry his partner. This became a point of contention for the commentator as if the film is normalising gay weddings in India. For the record, while the third gender is recognised in Indian law, gay weddings are not. 

The purists also have issues with the casual portrayal of alcohol consumption by both sexes and across all layers of society. The familial decorum, such as the parent-child barrier often observed in traditional Indian families, seems to have disappeared. Single parenting is depicted as the most natural thing. It is trying to shove in the Woke's gender agenda. 

Most Indian movies end with all the characters agreeing that the Indian way of life is supreme as if to resolve all the issues. No, not here. The protagonist decides to live with the sperm donor as her live-in partner. 

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The ever complex Rubik's cube of life?

Recently, I caught an obituary announcement on social media. An old working senior had passed on. Even though my interaction with that person was short, it left an unpleasant aftertaste. From his demeanour, I learnt how not to disrespect my subordinates. This person was so vile in his comments during high-level meetings that my boss would ask me or one of my colleagues to accompany him for moral support. His scoldings were so personal that they bordered on testing my department's competence and even intelligence.

Everyone let out an air of relief when he was transferred for a promotion. Why a person of such arrogance should be rewarded was the million-dollar question. But then, we were glad that our problem was somebody else's. That was the last I heard of him until the fateful announcement.

There it was, the photograph of him with a toothful smile on his face, innocence oozing down his face, and religious symbols below it. It was his obituary announcement. Under that, a long list of his friends and relatives left touching comments. The impression that I got was that he must have left such an indelible mark in their lives. Then there were comments about how good a father, an uncle and a resource person he had been.

We tend to forget that doctors, engineers, shopkeepers, labourers, and security guards are not defined by the uniform or outfit they don. Outside their regular working hours, they are expected to assume other roles—a parent, a comedian, a musician, or a marathon runner. They may suck at their daytime job, but that does not render them beyond reprieve. There is an alternate universe for them.

That incident reminded me of the life and times of Babur, the brutal founder of the Mughal dynasty. A great conqueror he was, he never liked India. He thought that Indians were uncultured and their land was unimpressive compared to Afghanistan. He wanted their wealth, though.

In 1530, his Humayun fell hopelessly sick. The royal physicians gave up. Babur summoned the Sufi priests. They suggested that Babur should sacrifice something very dear to him. Somebody suggested that the Kohinoor (or some other precious stones, unclear) be given away. The trouble is the diamond belonged to Humayun, not Babur. So it was not his to give away. Instead, Babur circumambulated Humayun's bed three times, recited a prayer to Allah to take his life in exchange for his son's, cried out and fell sick to die three months later.*

There are these multifaceted views of an individual. What we see are representations of part of the picture.

*https://www.srichinmoylibrary.com/me-8

Sri Chinmoy, The Moghul Emperors, Agni Press, 2001

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Till death do us part?

Over the past few years, a couple of my childhood friends had the misfortune of having lost their spouses to cancer. One of them fought the deadly disease tooth and nail, but unfortunately, after three long years, the disease got the better of her. He lost the good fight. My devastated friend went awol for an entire year, deciding that solitaire was the best remedy for a broken heart. The societal expectation for the grieved to open up his emotions and replay them like a broken record was not for him. 

One year after her demise, at 60, he introduced his new other half to the world. Conversations and felicitations on his plunge revealed that it was a necessary indulgence for him. Even though his children were married and he was a grandfather three times over, he felt the need for intimate touch and passion. He is a happy man. The memory of his old wife is very much alive, and he will cherish them till the end of time.

Another friend with a couple of late teenage, young adult daughters, lost his wife after a long tiring battle with ovarian malignancy. Still reeling from the loss, he was still not out of the woods yet when I spoke to him six months after her demise. He still felt her presence around the house, and his mind kept playing, reminiscing the good times, playing back obscure events in their wedded bliss to miss her more. 

I slowly introduced the idea of finding a replacement to fill the void; he asserted that he was pretty sure. At that juncture, he only wanted to spend the rest of his years living in dear memory of his duly departed. He feels complete without a need to build a new one. 

Out of curiosity, I enquired from another dear childhood buddy whose wife is hearty, healthy, and kicking. Heaven forbids, if his partner were to die, what would he do? Is remarriage on the plate? Without batting an eyelid, he said he would envisage himself taking a new partner. It is not as much for physical gratification but for social interaction and communication. He felt that was necessary for healthy mental health. 

Yet, when posed with a similar question, another pessimistic realist friend viewed his one stint in matrimony as enough to last his whole lifetime. Gone are the days when intimacy and husband-wife interaction played a pivotal role in his daily life. He had started enjoying the company of he and himself, exploring new frontiers to expand his knowledge and experience. He guesses that his wife is in the same boat, too. Over the years, embroiled in the hard knocks of life, they grew apart, from being co-dependent to interdependent to independent, sometimes contradictory just for the kick of it, able to stand alone to face the music. 

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Who is a good man?

The Affair (Miniseries); 2014-19.
Season 1-5 (53 episodes)

Some men justify their polyamorous activities by saying that it is the norm. They assert that monogamy is an artificial construct that society conjures to determine ownership, responsibility and financial commitments in exchange for pleasures and the encumbrances emanating.

Society has constructed a cookbook recipe of how society should be lived - a monogamous one, sex within the confines of marriage and condemnation of fornication.

In defence, Casanovas insist their actions be in sync with the demands of Nature. The male seedlings are produced in abundance with the sole purpose of choosing the best of the offspring. Hence, they are just helping Nature sow their seed far and wide, aiding the production of the best species to flourish. There must be a reason why oestrus cycles are glaringly absent in our species. With such effective health awareness, screening, treatment and contraception at their disposal, they look at unplanned, unwanted outcomes as the risks of doing business. Anyway, societies have ways to ensure any baby is cared for, and there are many ways to sort out problems that arise.

But they all forget the psychological component associated with this seemingly transactional union. What started as a thrill to venture into tasting the forbidden fruit will turn into a compulsion and addiction and a habit hard to break. It soon becomes an indulgence that demands time, money and sacrifices. The forbidden fruit has its way of tying one down.

God forbid, by omission or commission, the union would bear fruit or the emotional entanglements that can go as far as bringing down kingdoms. It is said that there is always behind any man's success and the corresponding 'other' woman behind his fall. An affair is usually found there rearing its head!

As the miniseries went over 50 hours of storyline, it had to cover a plethora of topics, including friendship, infidelity, the challenging world of parenting and teaching, gender dysphoria, the diabolical difference in the education systems between the East and West coasts of the USA and more. The unnecessary exposure of flesh and bed scenes is slotted between scenes to pique viewers' interests.

Another novel theory suggested in the storyline is about transgenerational trauma. All the characters in the drama are miserable. They either made wrong life choices or had such low self-restraint that they repeatedly found themselves in trouble. Instead of taking the blame for all their follies, they take the path where they can blame their genes. Apparently, because of the trauma inflicted upon them by their parents or life itself, these epigenetic factors somehow altered their genetic material to make them feel miserable and indulge in destructive habits and even suicide.

Using the metaphor of the California forest fires where people were told to move to escape to safety, the story tells us we all have to move. Do we have to move in order to live, from affairs to affairs, to have a full life?

P.S. There used to be a senior colleague who was forever with the different drop-dead gorgeous women. He was brazen about his whole affairs, displaying his 'trophy collection' in full view of colleagues, friends and relatives without considering its consequences. 

Puritans would look with an air of disapproval behind him, of course, admonishing his theatrics, what's more with a pubescent kid at home. Secretly, many of them would cringe in agony thinking, if only they had the testicular fortitude to do the same without giving a minute's thought to others' thoughts of the whole exercise. But then, the meekness in them makes them all shrivel up.  

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When you find yourself in times of trouble… Let it be?

Parking (Tamil, 2023)

Written & Directed: Ramkumar Balakrishnan

You lead your life thinking that you are doing it all right. You assume that your austere way of living is the way to go to combat against future eventualities. You follow the way you think is the best way to salvation. You secure a safe space for you to do your things. Then, somebody pops in and bursts your bubble. This creates dissonance. All your lifetime understandings of things come crumbling down. Your whole existence is a question mark. How would you respond?

Do you accept that there is more than one way of doing things and get alternatives? Are you justified to stand your ground to nurse your bruised ego? Do you make the other understand your point of view? Or just let it be?

The same thing happened to Ilamparuthi, a near-retirement middle-level government official. A new tenant moved into the duplex he is co-renting. The new tenant is a young IT professional, Eshwar, with his pregnant wife. Things were cordial between the families as Ilamparuthi and his wife and young adult daughter treated them like family. Ilamparuthi notices that the young couple are quite spendthrift with their expenditure. While he tries to save as much as he can for rainy days, the younger generation generally does not save. Problems brewed when Eshwar decided to buy a car. The porch space is a wee bit too tight for Eshwar’s car and Ilamparuthi’s motorbike.

M S Bhaskar

It started with the bike grazing the car. A tiff, an exchange of harsh words, and before both realised it, it snowballed to something of a mammoth scale.

The thrifty Ilamparuthi buys a car with cash to compete for a parking spot on the duplex porch. All hell breaks loose as common decency, respect and humanity are clouded by bulging ego.

A well-made drama with excellent acting and a nice pace to build the suspense. Kudos to MS Bhaskar, as the stingy, domineering and frustrated middle-aged civil servant who single-handedly carried the weight of the film. The supporting actors, too, did a decent job of carrying on. Just overlook certain boo-boos (or Easter eggs) that are pretty glaring to police procedural or murder mystery enthusiasts; they nicely put a poetic end to the story.

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