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To tell or not to tell?

The Farewell (2019)

I first heard this story as being narrated by Lulu Wang in the podcast 'American Life'. It tells Lulu's story of how her family dealt with the news of her paternal grandmother's diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. It describes how Lulu's parents, together with her uncle's (father's brother) family in Japan, gathered in China, where the grandmother lives, to bid her farewell. The twist is that the whole family decided not to tell the patient, Nai Nai as she is affectionately referred to. The family, from three countries, descended upon Nai Nai's house under the pretext of celebrating Lulu's Japanese cousin's wedding.


Lulu's role is portrayed as an early 30s Chinese American student who goes to China in a soul-searching journey to rediscover her Chinese identity. She learns to appreciate the traditional family values. As their old values dictate that the happy mind would give a healthy body, the family thought that not telling Nai Nai of her disease and its grave prognosis. Still, instead of keeping her happy in the company of the people loves, it would go a long way in prolonging her life.

The trick seems to have worked in the case of Nai Nai. Even though she was given only three months to live by her Chinese physicians (and the diagnosis was agreed by American doctors), she went on to live another six years.

The traditional wisdom in modern medicine is that the patient has the right to know his or her disease. By understanding the extent of his illness, he is in a position to go all out to combat his ailment, especially which is chronic. This is especially so in cases where the prognosis is uncertain, like in cancers. A patient's attitude and resolve towards fighting the sickness and one-mindedness in battling cancer may actually alter the final outcome.

A person in the terminal stage of her infirmity may want to step up his preparations for the ethereal world. He may want to tick off the items in his bucket list (pun unintended). The content of his will may need alterations and many more.

In many Indian families too, I have noticed that the family would collectively decide that bad news, especially of the medical kind, would not be made known to the elder members. Are the family members worried that breaking bad news may trigger a cardiovascular and emotional meltdown that would be more devastating?


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