How to Win Friends & Influence People
Dale Carnegie (©1936)
I must be exuding the aura of being a loner with very few friends that someone actually loaned me this book. He must have thought that it must be a sure way to end all my perceived 'woes'. Generally, I do not cherish books of this nature. To me, they appear like learning swimming by reading. Some things can be acquired only through practice, experience, and dents from the School of Hard Knocks.
After reading through it, I find it to be more like a handbook for psychopaths. It tells its readers how to skew others' thinking and actions towards the readers' self-serving needs. The psychopath would slowly play mind games to influence his victims into thinking that they are doing something altruistic akin to how Piped Piper would rid the town all the mice for nothing (thank you very much). And how the children would be mesmerised to his enchanting flute music to march in like zombies into the caves and never return.
Many of the topics illustrate the insincerity of people in making friends and influence them. They try to make people like them. They attempt to control people with their way of thinking, to be a leader without offence or resentment.
Nobody, I mean nobody, can teach anybody anything. We cannot even make them learn. The yearning should come from within. 99% of the time, people, even hardened criminals, do not blame themselves for the mess they create or the mayhem that they are privy to. Criticising does not change anything, only creates resentment said Lincoln. People have to feel important. They want good health, food, sleep, money, sexual gratifications, the wellbeing of their children and perhaps a good after-life. We have to remember these when we want to influence people.
Nobody, I mean nobody, can teach anybody anything. We cannot even make them learn. The yearning should come from within. 99% of the time, people, even hardened criminals, do not blame themselves for the mess they create or the mayhem that they are privy to. Criticising does not change anything, only creates resentment said Lincoln. People have to feel important. They want good health, food, sleep, money, sexual gratifications, the wellbeing of their children and perhaps a good after-life. We have to remember these when we want to influence people.
Even though the methods that are suggested simple enough, most of us take them for granted and end up doing just the opposite; with disastrous outcomes. It is all about dancing to the tune of the intended 'victim'. Some of the strategies include making the others feel important, be free with appreciation but not flattery, arouse the interest of the other, show genuine interest, remember their names, be a good listener, talk in term of others' interests (while keeping in mind his true intentions, I suppose), be friendly, use diplomacy and not to run anyone down, be sympathetic to others' views, be dramatic and throw challenges to maintain the interest.
We should remember that a drop of honey attracts more flies than a gallon of gall. The results seem more important than the means.
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