Spin-doctor in the House

Dean Johns
Mar 9, 11:44am

I haven't read Dr Mahathir Mohamad's brand-new autobiography, 'A doctor in the House', or, 
as it might be more appropriately titled, 'A spin-doctor in the House', and I never will.

I'm not much of a fan of fiction, medical or otherwise, and in any case I've heard enough of 
Mahathir's distortions, evasions and lies to last me several lifetimes.

Having taken the Hippocratic oath and thus assumed the primary ethical responsibility to 'do 
no harm to the patient', he went on to become the ultimate political hypocrite, and did 
incalculable harm not only to Malaysia's people but to the nation's self-identity and 
international reputation.

In other words, he chose to forsake the cause of healing and resorted instead to stealing.

Robbing Malaysia of not just its natural resources and financial riches by prescribing a 
regimen of plunder for his supporters, cronies and relatives, but also more crucially 
plundering the nation of spiritual riches like truth, integrity, transparency and justice.

So I assume that his autobiography, like his Che Det blog and all his other public utterances,
is as pernicious a pack of lies as he's capable of.

And that it includes a repeat of the pornographic fantasies he invented to try and kill the
reputation and credibility of the erstwhile deputy who over a decade ago dared to defy 
him, Anwar Ibrahim.

I doubt that Mahathir mentions in his book the fact that his inspiration for hitting Anwar 
with a sodomy rap may not even have been original.

Many of us are convinced that he got the idea from his old pal Robert Mugabe, who 
brought sodomy charges against the first black President of Zimbabwe, the Rev Canaan
Banana, just a year or so before Anwar was similarly accused.

As an editor-in-chief of New Straits Times once told me, Mahathir immensely enjoys hearing
and telling filthy jokes. So Mugabe's scatological shafting of Banana could well have struck 
the dirty-minded doctor as a jolly jape for him to play in Malaysia.

Original or not, however, Mahathir and his minions in the police and judiciary certainly made
sure the joke was on Anwar. And the beating of Anwar by the then police chief provided 
Mahathir with inspiration for one of his best-known sick sarcasms, that the victim's injuries
may have been self-inflicted.

By now, though, being played as it is the second time around and evidently with the same
intended punch-line, the sodomy joke has grown terribly stale.

Except, of course, for Mahathir and his current puppet Prime Minister Najib Abdul Razak, 
plus the regime's so-called 'law' officers, some cravenly compliant members of Malaysia's
pathetically impotent judiciary, and of course the nation's 'mainstream' media.

As afflicted as they are with Mahathir-style mendacity, and as sanctimonious as they can be
in claiming to represent Islamic and other state-sanctioned 'moral' standards, the BN regime's
media have long tried to sustain their ailing circulations with regular doses of gay porn.

'Wee-wee' and 'poo-poo' details

Gleefully reporting what my daughter and her friends would scornfully call the "wee-wee" and
"poo-poo" details of 'evidence' of sodomy provided by a parade of 'witnesses' paid or
otherwise persuaded to perpetuate the disgusting, homophobic Mugabe/Mahathir joke.

Despite some government successes in recent buy-elections, however, it seems to me that
more and more Malaysians are failing to see the funny side of Mahathirism, even in its 
faux-moderate Najib incarnation.

Let's face it, there are only so many sordid stories of semen stains, anal swabs and such
that most reasonable and intelligent people, however broad-minded or tolerant, can be 
expected to stomach.

Especially when such lurid details are clearly nothing but lying attempts to sustain a sordid
fantasy designed to discredit legitimate opposition to the BN regime, and divert public 
attention from its obscene activities on every other conceivable front.

In the sphere of deaths in custody, for example, in which BN's disgusting record is currently
symbolised by the royal commission into the death at Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission
headquarters of the late Teoh Beng Hock.

Some mysterious software glitch, we now learn, has conveniently erased records of calls
and messages to and from the phones of MACC officers implicated in Teoh's death.

This erasure inevitably and eerily recalls the 'unexplained' deletion of the immigration records
of Altantuya Shaariibuu, the Mongolian interpreter whose murder by shooting and 
dismemberment with C4 explosive was linked to close associates of then Defence Minister 
and now Prime Minister Najib.

Mahathir, still evidently a power if not the power behind the premiership of Malaysia, must
be as surely aware of the truth behind the Altantuya and Teoh cases and countless other
BN government atrocities.

Yet I'll bet his so-called autobiography either fails to mention them at all, or attempts to 
justify them in the same way that I read in pre-publication reports that it defends his sick
jokes on Anwar. And denies, defends or justifies the massive corruption and blatant 
cronyism so characteristic of his own career and those of his BN confederates.

Mahathir, for all the cosmetic surgery he's carried out on his own and his regime's image,
is seen increasingly in Malaysia around the world as a monstrous example of social, ethical
and political malpractice.

Rather than working to cure fractures between Malaysia's races and religions, he's devoted
his time and talents to exacerbating them. Instead of working toward a healthy body politic,
he's fostered a system plagued by repression, greed and injustice.

And in the process he's revealed himself as a chronic, pathological liar. Which is a pity, 
really, as he could have been such a force for good.

Many of us have been hoping, and some even praying, that he'd repent in his retirement 
and old age, and spend his final God-given years in heeding the ancient exhortation,
'Physician, heal thyself'.

However, if early reports are any indication, he shows no sign of self-doubt, let alone
repentance, in his new book. But as healthy as he looks on the cover of this tome, maybe
he still has time to redeem himself.

Perhaps he has a few years left in which to pen a sequel of true confessions before the
day Allah chooses to transform him from a doctor in the house to a doctor in the hearse. 

Holy crap

A few days ago, our newspapers were aghast with news of a petai tree in Kepala Batas showering its surroundings with droplets of water. People from near and far flogged to see for themselves and have a taste of the miraculous act of Nature. For a few days, people from many strata of society have given their devout opinion about this new unknown phenomenon which newspapers call it 'holy water'.

Would you like secretions of cicadas?

A former lecturer reiterated that it could be bodily secretions of mating cicadas whilst another entomologist claimed that these insects do not splay fluids from the body, at least in such massive quantity. Being entrepreneurial in their own way, some entrepreneurs decided to make a killing by charging RM5 per cup. For all you know, they may be selling pipe water!
Some people have tied 'holy' red cloth to give the tree its due recognition, to please the unknown and give it the divine feel that it needs. Punters predict that 'Tua Pek Kong' (holy spirit) has come to the vicinity and is predicting good fortune in the near future. And hopefully, He would also give them some lucky winning '4D' numbers on the side.

Whoa! Holy H2O!

Curious spectators: A group of

people craning their necks to

see the cicadas.

In the mean time, the Islamic authorities have join in the band wagon almost like a knee jerk reflex to warn Muslims that believing in holy water is 'unholy' (syirik). The Consumer Association of Penang, after warning people not to do this and that (from beancurd to belacan to ultrasound scanning etcetera), they warned people to be wary of contracting leptospirosis from consuming urine from some unknown animals. A writer to the editor got a brilliant input from his Indonesian domestic helper whose fellow villagers back home had seen many instances as this one. Her scientific brain suggested that that was how a tree expelled excessive water from its system. Her fellow villagers took it as a sign to denote that the vicinity was a fertile ground to dig a well. To disprove the maid's theory, the writer challenged the authorities to dig a well!
This reminds me of how holy ash used to materialise from a certain sage's photograph's feet for a short period of time all the world before the fad died a natural death as fast as it started. In fact, I had the golden opportunity of witnessing this miracle in my sister's abode. Even a few years before that (1995), the world was flabbergasted by the milking drinking antics of Lord Ganesha's statue. The mind boggling thing about the whole affairs was that it occurred simultaneously the world over to stone idols of Lord Ganesha and like clockwork it all stopped short all at once.

Milk Miracle of September 21, 1995.

Some mumbo jumbo scientists that  explained this occurrence by capillary action of the architectural make up of granite stones of the idol as it did not happened in plastic or other crystal idols. They, however, could not explain why all these stopped just like that without recurrence.
Interestingly exactly 14 years after the milk drinking episode, there was milk vomiting episode which stirred many quarters for they feared that they may have upset or short-changed the Lord in their dealings with or during His birthday celebrations (Vinayakar Chaturthi).
Just like the unexplained events that has been happening around us, pretty soon these events will go into our annals of things beyond comprehension of our simple minds. Maybe some smart paranoid individual  may throw in a spanner into our mangled minds of conspiracy theories, alien visitations or even American biological warfare! - just like the 2004 Boxing day tsunami. Think about it.... The chemical analysis from the floral secretions should be out in 2 weeks or so, In the mean time, let the newspapers start something wacky for us to ponder about.

Bad moon rising

Out of the 11,319 Malaysian students in that country, 6,135 are pursuing Islamic studies while the rest are doing medicine. The Malaysian Students Department in Egypt was also working closely with the Malaysian Embassy in Cairo to activate a core team to handle any possibility of a security risk, and a 'crisis operations room' had been opened at the embassy since Wednesday, the statement said. Several street demonstrations were reported to have been carried out in major towns in Egypt including Cairo, Dumyat, Suez, Tanta, Alexandria and Mansura urging on President Hosni Mubarak to step down. BERNAMA

The Tamils in the village have an apt saying in a situation like this. When a Chetty dies, only then all his misdeeds and mischief will be out in the open for scrutiny. The Chettys in the Tamil community are respected for thriftiness and business acumen. Hence, all their clandestine activities are nicely smoke screened by their wealth. At the funeral, all his heir apparent will appear from nowhere to claim their respective stake in the will. The villagers who put the Chetty on a  pedestal will suddenly drop him like a hot potato as he is dead on gone.
Just like that, when the people of Egypt decided to dispose of their despot of a tyranny and his dictatorial regime and do it in the open, it sent shivers down the 11, 000 over Malaysian students there. Only then did it come fore to the tax payers' mind that such a big colony was living on our money there. Anyway, there were not there because they want to pursue excellent world standard education comparable to the Ivy League or Oxbridge!   
Just for comparison, here are the world ranking of various universities close by and close to our hearts: 

Country	University	World Ranking
USA	MIT	1
USA	Harvard	2
USA	Stanford	3
Taiwan	National University	12
Japan	Tokyo University	16
UK	Cambridge	19
Japan	Kyoto University	24
Singapore	National University	92
Thailand	Prince of Songkla U	324
Thailand	Chulalongkorn	418
Indonesia	Gadjah Mada	583
Malaysia	USM	629
Malaysia	UKM	731
Malaysia	UM	788
Egypt	Cairo University	1405
Egypt	Al Azhar University	8692
Egypt	Sinai University	11627

Ref: http://www.webometrics.info/top12000.asp
For the records, the top 33 universities in Egypt rank between 1,405 to 11,996th position in the world! Of course there are many ways of ascertaining ranking status. This particular one above looks at web publication, there are others based on academic paper presentations etc. UK based rankings put British universities above the neighbours across the Atlantic and vice versa. There is even a Russian based one which puts Moscow State University above Cambridge and Harvard. 
Al Azhar university is the second oldest surviving university whose emphasis was on Islamic issues. Gamal Abdul Naseer, the 2nd Egyptian President introduced secular subjects like economics and medicine with religious input to meet the changing times. I heard that it is a pre-requisite for an attendee in this University to be a Muslim!

Al Azhar University

Back in 1983, when I was roped in to university, amongst my batch were many disgruntled students who were utterly devastated as they were denied of scholarships to study in these minaret shaped buildings called institutes of higher learning. (More about this in another posting, coming soon, still writing). These guys and girls were clothed like a Middle Easterner would. Three girls (medical students) were even donning the burqah! They gave up medical studies after an ultimatum by the Dean - remove the drape or be removed from the faculty! Apparently the scholarships were offered by various bodies - Public Service Department, political parties and Al-Arqam, a defunct group with deviationistic Islamic teachings.
On top of using all our country's resources to educate our citizens in universities of not the highest esteem, now we the tax payers have to fork out the millions incurred in the rescue mission to bring back our stranded students via 'Ops Pyramid'.

Credence Clearwater Revival (CCR), the lone band of the swamp rock genre. This song is a the original soundtrack 
from the film 'American Werewolf in London' which my school buddies and I watched on then spanking new technology
called VCR during our post SPM (O levels) holidays. Of course, they was a movie starring Koo Stark to follow!

Tigers, cubs and cats...

Ever since Amy Chua's book, 'The battle hymn of Tiger mothers' started selling at book stands, it created such a brouhaha in most parts of developed (read Caucasian) world. For the rest the world, (because for the media and the US, they are the world and they are the children, just to quote MJ), the strict regimental upbringing is after the only way. Even just two generations ago, children use to hear the mantras -'Spare the rod and spoil the child', 'Children are to be seen and not heard' and even 'Wait till your father gets home!' Things have changed so much so fast before Superman can change into his super hero suit that children all over the world are fast becoming brats! They are now talking about their lives, their wishes, their freedom, their desires, their god-knows-what-else!

Amy Chua and her daughters

Anyway, for the Asians of Generation-X, ferocious mothers were the norm in our development into adolescence and beyond. Just to borrow the idea mooted by our ex-PM in his initially banned book, 'The Malay Dilemma',  Asians all our the world, especially if you are an immigrant population tend to try to blend into the society by what better way but through education and brain power, as due to their challenged physique, it seem humanly impossible to outwit their opponents in a face to face duel. Years of natural selection have taught them (their hostile motherland with constant battle with nature and amongst each other) to be 'kiasu' and disciplined to achieve their ambitions. The proof of this constantly fed to the children by these Tiger mothers in the form story telling and bed time stories.

Wait till your father gets home: 70s cartoon

With evolution of time, with affluence and more exposure to the outside via the media (and Disney Channel), upbringing the Tiger mothers' way has taken a back seat all over the world. And this back seat driver has no say in the way the car is driven and its destination. Just wait and see where it lands up - the ditch or to the immigration checkpoint?
It used to be that these Tigers telling those children, "My way or no way!"; now it is the children telling the Tigers, "Like Frankie said, I did it my way, It's my life!*". The once growling incisors flashing Tigers without choice have now mellowed down to be omnivorous domesticated pussies!

*It's my life - Bon Jovi

Honkie tonk woman!

Continuing the set of write-ups on books written by Malaysian writers, I had the chance to read this light book on the quirky habits of Malaysians, looked in a light hearted manner. The book had been looking at me many times before, begging to be bought till I finally succumbed to its persuasion!
It was written back in 2007 by a Lydia Teh, a home-maker, who must have had a killing with celebrities as many local celebrities (Adibah Amin, Yasmin Ahmad, Reggie Lee, Phua Chu Kang, Johan Jaafar and even Kevin Cowherd!)have written rave reviews at the back of the book cover. It is basically a collection of blogs written by her in her blog over the years. My personal opinion is that it is neither earth shattering or ground smashing - seen that, read that and heard that. A few topics are fresh though and witty and clean, coming from a mother of four..

Nothing to do with 'Honk'
This song is about a bar hostess
cum sex worker! Sang by Rolling Stones
in 1969, penned by the Lip!

Hey, maybe I should do that too, publish my posts. Nah,I better stay with my day job. Too stressful to expect others to appreciate my constant whining and complaining!

Dishonouring honorary degrees

Josh Hong, Malaysiakini.


Wilhelm von Humboldt, a liberal educationist and founder of the prestigious Humboldt University of Berlin, once said that “education will be good to the extent that it suffers no outside intervention; it will be all the more effective, the greater the latitude left to the diligence of the teachers and the emulation of their pupils”.

In addition, Humboldt ardently believed that education, truth and virtue must be disseminated to such an extent that the 'concept of mankind' would take on a great and dignified form in each individual.

It was this conviction that led the great German philosopher to lay down the foundation of Germany's tertiary education in its modern form. But von Humboldt would certainly be in tears had he lived long enough to witness the state of higher education today.

While one should agree genuine knowledge can only come through comprehensive learning, academic rigor, assiduous inquiry, attentive contemplation and public debate, it is sad to know that, everywhere in the world, universities - precisely the places where knowledge is processed and produced - have turned into a huge and expensive business. 

Once upon a time, going to a college or university was perceived as a privilege, and those who left with a doctorate would even imply one's having achieved something extraordinary in life. It was a clear affirmation of one's academic competence and fortitude. No more, no less.

A substantive and meaningful contribution

Although not everyone has to write a voluminous thesis on a specific field in order to be conferred a PhD, it is still necessary to convince the general public that one has made a substantive and meaningful contribution to society or a certain cause before an honorary doctorate is deemed appropriate.

Therefore, Nelson Mandela (left) rightly deserves the slew of academic accolades conferred on him, for the great statesman - despite his controversial past as a firebrand nationalist leader - has indeed inspired the world with his pleas for forgiveness, reconciliation and renewal in the post-apartheid South Africa.

So did Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Teresa and Mahatma Gandhi.

Not any more. Nowadays, universities look increasing like places where sheer absurdity and hypocrisy is allowed to be processed. Every now and then, we look on in helplessness at honorary doctorates being handed out to high-profile individuals who have done virtually nothing to make this world a better place, or who have yet to prove that they have made sufficient contribution to merit such an award. 

In Malaysia alone, a large number of local institutes of higher learning - both national and private - are in a rush to furnish politicians with an honorary doctorate. And it was no surprise that Lim Kok Wing University of Creative Technology saw it fit to acknowledge the 'contributions' made by Mahathir Mohamad, Abdul Taib Mahmud and Ling Liong Sik. 

It was largely due to these men that the arts institute has been able to become a leading player in regional education, and Lim Kok Wing himself has long been a patron of Barisan Nasional.

But what have these politicians done to make themselves truly deserving of the acknowledgement? Mahathir single-handedly destroyed our judicial system, whose erstwhile independence and fearlessness were once highly regarded within the Commonwealth, while Ling as transport minister failed to improve the chronically ill public transport systems across the country, and is now facing charges of corruption over the PKFZ fiasco.

As for Taib, he will surely be best remembered for having presided over a powerful fiefdom within the Federation of Malaysia at the expense of the people and natural resources in Sarawak.

Given the symbiotic relationship between the ruling coalition and the academic world in Malaysia, it would be fanciful to expect university officials to rise above politics. At national universities where mediocrity leap-frogs meritocracy, officials are no more than bureaucrats whose task is to ensure a culture of subservience rein supreme so that their rice bowls may remain intact. 

While many of the private institutes are doing brisk business thanks to the government's effort to gradually transfer educational burden onto the private sector, they are in turn required to return their 'benefactors' with some favours in order to keep the business running.

However, quid pro quo arrangements are no longer a practice unique to the so-called developing world. Over the years, the world has seen universities dish out awards to individuals and even celebrities for various reasons. Paul McCarthy and Celine Dion were both 'honoured' in this fashion, while Barack Obama became a somewhat embarrassed recipient of no less than two honorary doctorates for merely being the first Black American to be elected president.

Kermit the Frog, honorary doctor

In 1996, Long Island University conferred an honorary doctorate on Kermit the Frog. While there were loud protests against the university making a mockery of an otherwise honorable award, the act itself managed to attract public attention and press coverage of a disproportionate scale.

Whether or not the conferring of these awards to the individuals was based on merit remains to be seen, but it is no secret that even universities that are renowned for academic excellence are not immune from temptation. 

In 2008, Saif Gaddafi received his PhD from the eminent London School of Economics (LSE), and it has been revealed that the son of the Libyan leader could have plagiarised his thesis. Worse, the LSE is now being accused of having received £1.5 million (RM7.5 million) in 'donations' from the Gadaffi regime, which has prompted its director Howard Davies to resign in taking responsibility over the exposures.

The LSE's scandalous deals with Tripoli are most probably a tip of the iceberg. In fact, ever since Margaret Thatcher's (left) famous statement to bring 'universities closer to business' in 1988, British universities have been engaged in a frenzy to source for funding by all means as the Iron Lady was 'rolling back the state', with many being forced to compromise on the principles of democracy and human rights for the sake of big money.

Seeing the ominous things to come, Oxford University had in 1985 delivered a stunning snub to Thatcher by refusing her an honorary degree in protest of her cuts in funding for education, making her the first Oxford-educated prime minister to be denied the honour since 1945. True to form, Thatcher's office issued a statement that “if they do not wish to confer the honour, the prime minister is the last person to wish to receive it”.

But one must agree all honorary doctorates are handed out in recognition of the importance of an individual's scholarly, professional or social achievements. In other words, the individual's distinction must match the award itself. 

It therefore defies all logic that Najib Abdul Razak - who has been implicated in the gruesome murder of a Mongolian national and is now busily vandalising the country's beautiful landscape with his tacky 1Malaysia logos - should have been awarded an honorary doctorate by Monash University. 

That a distinguished Australian university would have succumbed to the patronage syndrome as its Malaysian counterparts is indeed telling. Either the prime minister himself has successfully charmed the university, or some big money has changed hands, as is the case with the LSE.



JOSH HONG studied politics at London Metropolitan University and the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London. A keen watcher of domestic and international politics, he longs for a day when Malaysians will learn and master the art of self-mockery, and enjoy life to the full in spite of politicians.

1,2,3,4...

1 - there is only 1 God; whether it is Brahman, Allah, God or The Force,. 1-Love, 1Malaysia.
2 - there is always two sides of things; good - bad, male - female; God - Satan; positive - negative;
3 - there is always three dichotomy - God, Son, Holy Spirit or Brahma, Vishnu, Siva,
4 - four corners of the wide universe;
5 - Pentagon, the pagan symbol.the five fingers, elements of world (water, metal, wood, wind, sky)
6 - 666? Denotes Satan
7 - Days in a week (Complete); 'Eight days a week' according to Beatles;
8 - Fatt- good luck according to Chinese belief
9 - Nine planets in Milky Way, if you exclude Pluto you can include Sun to make up the number! 9 precious
     stones-Navagraha
10- The basis of our numerals - because we have ten fingers! Hrtithik Roshan does not count, he has 11.