A platonic marriage?

Kathal: The Core (Malayalam; 2023)

Director: Jeo Baby

In 2001, the Netherlands became the first country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage. Four couples were chosen to have their wedding broadcast on TV. One of the couples was Hèléna Faasen and Anne-Marie Thus. Like a flock of seagulls to the shoreline in summer, journalists worldwide made a bee dive for it. One interesting point that a Chilean journalist was heard telling the world was that the lesbian couple was so ordinary. He had expected them to exhibit in full glory iconography of their sexuality, smut or menageries sexual of nature.

Well, I think that is the problem. Hollywood and our society always stereotype members of the LGBTQI community as sex-crazed people engaged in sex orgies all around the clock. It is forgotten that they also yearn for the same things in life as others: peace of mind, security and knowing what tomorrow may bring. Being gay is more than about sex. 

This Malayalam movie is one of the rare ones, especially coming from a traditionally conservative society, on same-sex relationships. The topic is dealt with civilly without much melodrama and commotion. The character is supposed to be engaged in a gay relationship and does not exhibit the typical effeminate behaviour either. 

Mathew is a respected independent party member who had been nominated as a candidate for a by-election. That is when his wife drops a bombshell. After 20 years of marriage and a 19-year-old daughter, his wife, Omana, files for divorce. In a calm, composed manner, the viewers are slowly told of the issues at hand. 

Even before marriage, Mathew knew that he was gay. He had a partner in the same village. Upon Mathew's father's persuasion, threats and belief that the age-old adage that marriage would solve everything, Mathew is arm-twisted to tie the matrimonial knot. 

Life just dragged on with the matrimonial staying cold except for the mandatory one child. Beyond that, both husband and wife just performed their worldly duties, like Omana caring for the children's upbringing, running the household and managing the ailing Mathew's father and Mathew performing his fatherly duties.

Maybe it was the decriminalisation of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code in 1998 many people surrounding queer people got a relief to live their lives. 

Omana decided to get a life for herself and let Mathew live his. The difference in the presentation is how compassionate everyone is to each other's feelings. There is no animosity or overt display of discontent or anger. Everyone seems to accept things as they are. Mathew is not shown as a sex-crazed homosexual. His former partner is just an innocent bystander watching things as they unfold.

Quite unbelievable to happen in real life. I do not think society, especially an Asiatic one, is accepting enough to value a person by his worth and work alone. Other associated features linked to his birth, family, religion and wealth take precedence. Anyone with a different sex orientation or preference, whether they like it or not, has to live a dual existence. They live in a lie with a loveless marriage.

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Is it because of Nature or nurture?

Badhaai Do (Congratulations Due, Hindi; 2022)
Netflix

Learnt a new word today, a lavender marriage. 

Sure, the law has accepted the third gender and various sexual orientations. But, mind you, it is not universal and definitely not freely tolerated by many conservative communities. 

To conform to societal expectations and pressures, many members of the LGBTQIA+ community get themselves involved in 'sham marriages'. Couples undergo lavender marriages to appease the family and conceal their socially stigmatised sexual orientations. This is not something new. Rock Hudson, Barbara Stanwyck, Tyrone Power and many more in Hollywood had made arrangements to save their careers. Lately, in Communist China, it has been revealed that gay men hook up with lesbian women through social media to show their 'wife' during the new year visits to prevent nagging from the family members. Same-sex unions are illegal in China. 

Slowly, we can see that OTT (Over-the-top) platforms are trying to override the prevailing societal norms as determined by the local cultures. Some may argue that these OTTs, being international in their outlook, may only have one goal - to push their boundary, provoke, start a conversation, and perhaps create a single narrative, a New World Order for everyone. They do all these while laughing all the way to the bank. These OTTs, media services that transmit directly to viewers, bypass traditional gatekeepers who keep a tab on what the public can consume. Rightly or wrongly, via this film, I get the vibe that they are trying to make LGBTQIA+ mainstream. 

The next burning question that needs to be answered is whether this LGBT tendency is ingrained in Nature or artificially created? Do we all have an inborn sexual attraction that gets suppressed due to social mores - as the woke generation implies, gender is fluid? Or is it because of society's openness and expressive nature that we can tell our wants and dislikes? 

Is the contamination of drinking water from our river polluted with hormones from contraceptives pills, making men more effeminate? Are plastic wastes and toxic hydrocarbon effluent screwing up our internals? Or is it just Nature's way to curb population explosion before the re-set button is ignited.

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Love moves mountains?

Christiane Amanpour: Sex and Love Around the World
(Netflix Documentary, Season 1; 2018)

This provocative six-episodes presentation discusses matter considered taboo in many of the towns the episodes were centred - Tokyo, Delhi, Beirut, Berlin, Accra and Shanghai.

If one were to look at olden civilisations, it seems evident that our ancestors used to quite accepting of sexual practices and its deviations. The Japanese, during the Edo period, boasts of Shunga erotic art. They were a liberal and stable society. All that came to zilch when Commodore Perry landed in Edo Bay and Emperor Meiji banned their erotic drawings. 

The Indians had Kamasutra long before the Western world learned to count, but in the New World, it was viewed as yellow literature. The Victorian mindset even deemed donning of saree was obscene. In the 19th century and before, the blouse was not part of the female attire. The saree was used to drape the chest and bosom as well. Legends say that the Tagore ladies were denied entry to a Colonial Masters' dinner as they were apparently indecently dressed for not draping their upper torso and the upper limbs. The long sleeved became the colonists' addition to the Indian costume. 

The Westerners. with the might of their sea fleets and the strength of their gunpowder, thought that they were doing a service to the natives by introducing them to culture and religion. Little did they realise that even the Dark Continent, Africa, has a long oral tradition of Africana philosophy. It may be as old as humanity itself. They lived in symbiosis with the spirits of Nature.

The Arabic civilisation also had their own appreciation of sexuality and erotica. 'The Perfumed Garden', a manual for sexual maladies and health, is a testimony of their maturity.

The spread of Western civilisation and specific strict Abrahamic teaching seem to jettison the equilibrium of sex and love in the country explored in this season.

The Japanese society, despite their boldness in expressing their sexual desires and pervasions, remains a sexless society. Their population growth is down, and people are just not finding pleasures in each other. Couples do not communicate, and sex outside marriage is a norm for both genders. Maybe it is because we all living in a self-fulfilling generation which is hedonistic in self-gratification rather than completing other priorities in life. What are the priorities in life anyway and who decides them? 
After playing second fiddle the Japanese men in society, the Japanese women have started exerting their likes and dislikes through their newfound liberation through education and economic independence. They could choose to be a 'fujoshi' (rotten girl) if they want to.

India too, after having a liberal society before the Westerners brought in laws to impose values on them, have awoken from slumber. With educational opportunities and the empowerment of the minorities and the marginalised, the downtrodden have returned with a vengeance. Nothing is taboo anymore. The society is undergoing an adjustment period where eve-teasing is construed as sexual harassment, transgenderism is accepted, hijras (third gender) demand a safe space in the community and public display of affection is becoming acceptable. Even a former porn star, Sunny Leone, is accepted to mainstream movie industries. In spite of these changes, resistance still comes from many conservative groups who scream of the immorality and demand for clear demarcations of what is permitted and what is not. Worse yet, they run vigilante groups to carry out their brand of justice.

Inhabitants of Beirut, despite living in strong fears of civil unrests, try to live life to its fullest. The famous saying goes, "to be an Arab is to be a hypocrite!" The Arab world which portrays a seemingly conservative outlook has the dubious reputation of being the highest consumer of porn. In Beirut, many girls in traditional garb are seen smoking the hookah and having a time of their lives. It appears that Palestine refugees who came to the country in the 60s try to exert their brand of religion to the rest of the population. Religion gained more importance in society as government became dictatorial and corrupt. In 'The Perfumed Garden', sexuality was described as a gift from God and equal weight is given to both sexes for enjoyment. It has, however, has taken a turn and is viewed as something to satisfy the male gender only. On the other hand, the rest of society is fighting back. 

Berlin is known as the carnal capital of Europe for it was here, back in 1919, that the first sexual experiment institute was established. It used to be a sexually progressive city till clashing opinions from the likes of Hitler and immigrants with conservative views on sex changed in its landscape. Hitler reignited the 3K (Kinder, Küche, Kirche) concept; that women's role is to mind the children, kitchen and the church- at least to increase the population and to supply soldiers. Nevertheless, the culture of FKK (free body culture) is still alive. There are establishments where clothing is optional as its members carry on with their recreation activities in the nude to boost self-confidence and to break body dysmorphic misconceptions. Some newcomers (refugees) who have assimilated into the German society find it liberating. For the first time in their lives, there discover real love, self-expression and are able to come out of the cocoon of living a false life for the sake of society and being trapped in sugar-coated relationships.

Accra in Ghana is said to be the most religious place on Earth, with its 71 Christian sects and its many churches. Despite its seemingly religious outlook, many Ghanaians live with multiple sexual partners; having a wife, mistress and girlfriends all at once is the norm. Come Sunday, they would all flock to the churches and listen to the sermons which put women in their place of being the temptress of vice and root of decadence. The female gender is accused of being weak and are easily swayed to the dark side,  of tempting of Satan. The fault of the original sin which is the reason mankind has to suffer is put squarely on the ladies. Women, because of the cultural tradition of sexual servitude, accept the accusation willingly. Perhaps the changing of times created a balance between Men trying to maintain honour as well respect versus Women trying to get love and security. Affluence accentuates the need for polyamory. Christianity is blamed to have done a disservice to the Africans' way of life. Before the entry of European to the continent, they already had a well placed social order. Now, many are reclaiming their ancient roots.

In China, conformity used to be the opiate of the masses. Marriage was a family affair with so full of traditions, but the State had a lot of say in it. Now, under the new brand of communism where elements of capitalism are infused, self-expression, love streaming and individualism are taking over. Candidates for marriage are advertised by parents for their seemingly 'growing old' children (anyone more than 27 years of age) like commodities in the marriage market in Shanghai. Many highly educated young adults have their own idea of the life partner they want - by height, educational status, age and even gender. Yes, people are openly exhibiting their sexuality in the open. They are pushing the boundaries. They claim that the Chinese Culture used to be so accommodating but somehow now the Chinese have decided to follow the Western way which tries to label everything and box everything into categories.

The clash of one culture over the other with practitioners of one culture aping the other is probably the reason for the disturbance of the status quo. But surely this must be the purpose of our civilisation; making every small leap every time for the advancement of the race and for the greater good of humanity. The feeling of guilt that most organised religion propagates must be the cause of many to be mentally disturbed, and people are finding ways to be relieved from it all. 

Sunny Leone, Bollywood sensation.
It is alright to bring an ex-porn star to the
living room during family prime time!
Credit: Human Nation.

Nature had given the act of propagation and continuity of species the added lure of pleasure to entice its members to copulate and spread their progeny. Somehow, modern man has mastered the art of separating the fun from its reproductive function. They are so entrenched in their hedonistic desires that their bar of attainment is becoming ever unreachable. They venture into seeking comfort in the same kind and against the grain of Nature. 

Is the society easing to the ever-growing demands of the fairer sex for equality and social justice? Is this a construct of neo-liberalism? Is the market for queer rights a western export? Is people's view on sex and love matters so schizophrenic? They want the enjoyment part of sex and love but not pregnancy and venereal ailments part of it. 
Science has shown that for a population to continue to prosper, a certain level of population growth is mandatory. Economic activities need people. Wars need soldiers. For the rich to flaunt, they need a populous area with the poor to suck from. With the sexless society and declining fertility, is this how our civilisation ends? Is this what the Vedic scriptures say when they tell about destruction and rebuilding is a cycle when a society crumbles, goes into near-annihilation and recoup like ants who had their anthill smashed?

As my friend, AS, a Trump supporting, QAnon following, conspiratory theorist yearning, Deep State and cabal loathing right-wing conservative friend would say, "it is all a left wing agenda to destroy the civil society that humanity has slowly put in place over generations of trial-and-error. Anarchy is their end point.

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Anarchy or Evolution?

That is what the world has come to. There is sadly no 'one-answer-fit-all' response. The people who argue against the grain are smart people with intelligence quotients higher than the general public. 

Everyone is concerned only of his own self. There is an inner desire to live life to the fullest; enough of living under the pretence that something sacrosanct needed to be protected. If all this while they had cowed to societal pressures and suppressed their inner needs, it was the time that they let their hair down. They do as they please.

Over generations, through trials and error, regulations have been put in the system. Each sex had their gender roles. Each gender had their duties and expectations. It was not a perfect arrangement, but there was a semblance of order. The general public accepted it as necessary to continue our existence. 

Nothing does not offend anyone any more. This signage in 

an Italian B and B with an 'alien' in a coquettish pose is not 

acceptable by the LGBT Rights Association there.

Now, a section of the population has started questioning the status quo. These people do not want to be confined in boxes assigned to them. They find it difficult to tick their nature (or is Man's) assigned social expectations. They do not feel comfortable using gender allocated toilet facilities. Through no fault of theirs, they appear trapped in the wrong body, and they want out. They want to fight back. There is no more two sexes. There is a third, fourth, fifth and maybe more.

It seems that there is no necessity to fill up the gender box anymore. The blurring of capability and roles of the sexes are more blurred than ever. Their voices are growing stronger by the day. Their contributions to society cannot be denied. They do not cause the wrath of the Almighty. They are here to stay whether we like it or not. If this would lead to anarchy as the traditionalists predict, it is up to us as thinking humans to accept this change, utilise it to our own benefit and help to steer civilisation towards a future that includes the people who are different and do not confirm. Our journey from the caves to the skyscrapers is rife with outliers who merely refuse to conform to the societal norm.

The first fearless caveman who dared to sit on the tree trunk floating by the river managed to reach on the other side to open the door of opportunities.

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Comfortably numbed!

Karma Chameleon

The song is about the terrible fear of 

alienation that people have, the fear 

of standing up for one thing. It's 

about trying to suck up to everybody.

Rather than sneering at what they do, it would make sense for us to ask 'why' they do the things that they do. The point in question is the condemnation of many organised religions on demand of rights of those who deviate from the conventional sexual norms.

As the world progresses, we find more and more people choose to display their sexual preferences, and it is clear. The LGBTQIA camp is definitely having a surge in recruitment. Its members are rational highly intellectual people who do their share of contributing to society. They are crystal clear and sound in their thinking. The detractors may say that they are a confused lot who need to be guided back to 'normality'. Clearly, they had misinterpreted the cues that were put to their bodies and minds.

Maybe the real reason for this non-acceptance is politics and control. It is easier to control people who are homogenous. A set of people with the same outlook of life and same values seldom disagree. It is effortless to put in them the fear of the evil 'other'. Since the union of the same liaison is not going to propagate future soldiers to fuel future expansions, it is considered a waste of time and resources. In other words, wasted seed. A dearth of similar thinking individual will lead to the fall of Empires. History has shown that population growth is essential to the continuity of species. The soldier ants and worker ants are always in shortage as the megalomaniac satiety of the ruling community can never be doused. 

Freddie Mercury Memorial Montreux, Switzerland.
Courtesy of TripAdvisor

The members of the third gender probably have a unique re-wiring of the brain that makes them excel in fields that involve creativity. Music, dances, compositions, art, high fashion, haute culture and performances are their forte. These are precisely the fields that the purists want to curb. They want performing workers, not thinking ones who may rise to question the status quo. The arts numb the mind, they say. It off-tracks us from the real purpose of life, which is to carry out the said divine decree; failing which the ever-easily offended Protector of the Universe would openly display his wrath. Hence, these are labelled as temptations, the evil interplay of the Dark Forces. Thus, the overt condemnation of the third sex.

Despite the doom and gloom that were predicted by these naysayers, science has proven their predictions were unsubstantiated. The inquisitive human mind and the zest to live had nullified these assertions. Is it a coincidence that these nitpicking quibblers insist that science is bad for you and that one should ask too many questions but accept the holy scriptures unequivocally. 

Science has prevailed and has shown that we do not need soldiers to fight modern wars. At the click of a button with remote manoeuvring, considerable damage can be inflicted. AI and robotics have changed wars between nations as a dare to create so much damage that mutual annihilation is a greater danger than winning battles. Economic manipulation, psychological and biological warfare pose a more significant threat. Numbers are irrelevant.

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