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Burst my bubble!

Dear Thelma,
Sometimes I feel that I am breathless. I can't breath. I feel that I have been forced to do what I do not want to, or rather what the society wants me to do. And I have been shortchanged!
I grew up with lots of dreams and ambitions. I wanted to be somebody, away from these misery and constant tone of melancholia and sad songs that seem to be the background score of our daily life. I wanted to be free. I wanted to escape from the clutches of poverty.
Since young, only X seem to understand me. Coming from a similar background, he could relate to what I felt. Only thing that he is a male and I, a female.
Over time, our feelings changed, from one of empathy and understanding, it metamorphosed into something intimate. Our raging hormones which just spurred from nowhere eventually pushed us to cross the boundaries set by society. Suddenly, there was no barrier, no shame. The boundary guarded and protected all this while was now breached.
Why is it that I feel so guilty? I have not done anything wrong or have I? Something so good cannot be so wrong! Now there are telling me that all my big wonderful mountain high dreams have to take a back burner. The fence of decency had been breached and the law of nature must be respected. Our bond must be formally sanctioned by the forces that be. We cannot just go on happy without public declarations.
That was 3 years ago. Now with 1 infant screaming day and night and another quickening in my body, my dreams seem like a distant planet - visible but unreachable.
As if they had an audience with the Forces of Nature, they restricted my reproductive function. Contraception is 4-lettered word in my in-law's family. I thought I was in a hell hole but now I am in a dragon's den, from frying pen to fire.
Why do they keep bringing me down? They put the fear of God and unheard cryptic scriptures to cow me into submission.
If religion was made to transform human from being a savage to a sage, why is it that there are savagely exerting their authority over me?
In front of eyes my sandcastles came crumbling down.... Just sandcastles in the air that popped like a bubble.
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Comments

  1. Unknown13 February 2014 at 16:11

    Never too late to change your destiny,dear writer. Stop wallowing in self pity and get a hold of yourself.Move on...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rifle range boy13 February 2014 at 23:44

      now it is no more you and your dreams? everything revolves around lil ones? you are secondary?

      Delete

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