The word 'consent' is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, there are 'implied consent' and 'silence is consent', then on the other spectrum, are the murky waters of 'informed consent', as if consents are sometimes uninformed or imposed. We have also heard of 'consent under duress' which is by no means consent. In surgical practice, failure to divulge certain rare but real complications of an operation denotes carelessness and possibly negligence of the attending surgeon. As if the patient was not informed that surgery was a risky business.
Recently I heard a podcast of consent of a different kind. In fact, this edition came around way before cry babies started screaming #MeToo! The latest version of approval is 'I agreed to this but not to that..."
A few years previously, in fact, a good full decade after a young lady (A) went separate ways with her best male friend (B), she decided to revisit the event that made them part ways. She resolved to delve head-on with her assailant (B) to try to determine when and how she put herself in a situation until she was sexually violated.
A and B had, when they were in their early twenties, a platonic relationship. They used to hang out together in each other's room together, talking about intimate things and sharing private thoughts. There was an agreed unwritten rule that lustful love and romance was not in the equation. Towards the end of their university studies, under the influence of intoxicants, they crossed their line. She was alright with the initial petting and cuddling but...
Looking back, A feels that she was wronged. She did not mind the initial part of their intimacy, but she felt assaulted after crossing certain self-made boundaries. B, being the male component of the liaison, thought, at that juncture, he needed to be the aggressor; to do what was expected of him. Perhaps, nature dictates such an arrangement. The innumerable male gametes attempting desperately to fertilise a single ovum is the testimony to this.
There is no issue at all there. Putting spark and cotton side by side and not to expect the cotton to be ignited is pure foolhardy. Of course, opposites attract. In the spring of youth and the raging of hormones fuelled by the inhibitory effects of intoxicants, the animalistic reptile brain is bound to supercede rational thinking. Rules and regulations go out of the window. Even on the female side who inherently tend to be the reluctant party, it is difficult to be brakes on emotions when the flickering ember of passion is fanned.
I think that is the problem with us. We believe we have controls on everything. Like ordering our lunch at the drive-in, we think we can dictate what want. The last person that we can trust is our own dear self! Do not put yourself in a vulnerable position. You do not need someone else to disappoint you. The person who would do that could be you.
Life is becoming more difficult with cultural conditioning, need to assert gender roles, individual responsibility for his actions, empathy, mindfulness and individual right. Nobody can do anything of his volition anymore. He is expected to act and react in certain ways only.
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